I was always a needle kind of ******.
My friends thought I was crazy, and I suppose I was.
They say to take baby steps,
but addiction never works like they say it should, does it?
I went from *** to pills to blow to needles just like that.

It was nice though,
seeing how I've always been a fan of instant gratification.
Tie the knot, heat the junk, wet the cotton, **** it up, slap the veins, stick it in, get high.
Easy as pie, nothing can be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.
I've been home for ten minutes,
and I promised myself this score would last me through the week.
I'll be happy if it lasts the night.

My track marks were starting to fade,
due in part to probation,
and also in part to the love I've been surrounded with.
Who needs to shoot up when you have people to love you?
Me.
A ******.
A loser.

I would like a million things,
and a million more,
but why would I want things,
when I can score.
Nothing could be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.

My mind travels,  to distant worlds. I am without limit . No boundaries exist no cage could hold me in, I am free to make my own decisions.

You see,  I created this world around me. I do not believe in Hollywood dreams. Although we both bleed although we both breathe, the differences are vast inbetween.

You may sing as beautifully as the waves of the sea, but no song will ever be able to save anybody. You see, I heard it's impossible to please him well, not when you have so much money. It really doesn't matter how beautiful you are honey.

Money changes people when you have too much, it breeds greed and lust and it's never enough!
Power and titles and fame built up high, towering over above what is right.
  
Above each other, above the law. What happens when it crumbles? What happens when you fall? And you're just another one, just like me.  After everything you've had, could you live so simply?

This is my corner, my sanctuary, my home & my life is my family. Worldwide, I have brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers and everyone listens. Everyone loves straight from the start and it's my free will, this is where I keep my heart.

Where am I? Where should I be?
I'm standing here, looking out to sea.
The waves crashing, and yet all I think of is drowning.
I can't handle the sadness, I can't handle the pain.
He keeps touching, I try and pull away.
1,2,3,4 I'm left alone on the side of the road.
Trying to figure out what just happen
I got lost in my thoughts, and yet I didn't feel so alone.
I could feel him on me every single time I shut my eyes.
I'm lost, no one knows, I wanted help but I'd rather be alone.

Dearest Therapist:
There is nothing wrong with me. I don’t see what you see. I feel fine today… it must have been a dream. I don’t know why I ever told you anything at all. I have no problems, there’s nothing wrong with me. How could there possibly be? I am the perfect girl. Things like that don’t happen to girls like me. I have the perfect life, with the perfect kids, the perfect friends, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect smile. There is no way I could have ever suffered something like that. I am not pathetic and sorry. Girls like me don’t have problems. Girls like me don’t feel pain. Girls like me have everything anyone could possibly wish for, and then some. There is nothing I cannot achieve. I am so sorry for wasting your time.*

WHAT ACHES TO BE SAID BUT WILL REMAIN HIDDEN BEHIND THE SMILE:
I am not that perfect girl. My heart and soul have third degree burns that cannot be repaired. It hurts so much inside that at times it is unbearable and I cannot remain here, housed in this body. I hide behind a smile because all I have left is a small amount of pride and a whole bushel of stubborn will. My life is one big lie. No one will see me with my head in the toilet or the scars on my arms that were once covered with blood. No one will ever know that the perfect girl is not real. The reality of it all is way too difficult to divulge and much less complicated to conceal. Tonight I cry alone but when tomorrow comes I will once again live that ‘perfect life’… the life of no pain, the life of no shame, and the life with no fear. And you will never know that when the darkness falls, and I am once again alone, I will feel the pain I push away all day long. And I will lock myself in the bathroom and I will sob on the cold tile floor. But I will do it in the silence of my bathroom, alone, in the darkness.

**You will never know….because I will not speak...I am not allowed to speak.