Everyday I want to slash through my skin, and I wonder what's stopping me?
Nothing is stopping me.
What people say and do is more hurtful than I can take.
What my own thought do to me.
No matter what I do I will never be good enough.
So why not?
Live another day in this pathetic world we call amazing?
Why can one never be good enough even for their own thoughts?
We are never safe or are we really living
So why be here?
Why keep breathing when you know deep down you don't want to breath again?
Everyday I come to realize it could be a better day.
Everyday it can be a better day.
But is it my better day?
Will it ever be my better day?
Sometimes I sit, wait and hope it becomes better.
And yet it hasn't been my better day.
I thought you're suppose to be family?
Family isn't suppose to make family feel like this.
You make me feel like ****, when I already do.
You make me feel worthless, stupid, alone.
******* dad, for never being here and always letting me down.
******* mom for always picking favorites, it's hard not to notice.
******* Dylan for always being better than me, and rubbing it in my face.
******* Jesse for not loving me, only talking to me when you visit.
******* family for keeping my third brother away from me.
But hey isn't this what family is about?
Lies? Fake happiness? Being alone?
******* guys for letting me down.
I know I'm not perfect but I have reasons to be.
So you win, you win the fake laughs and smiles.
Don't hurt me.
You say you never will.
I think I'm falling for you.
Slow at first than all at once.
You make me feel whole.
Like I'm not missing a piece of myself.
Is it always like this?
You're the first person I've officially dated in 4 years.
I'm a little rusty at this,
But if you hurt me it will be the end of this.
I forgot the way it felt.
I forget the feeling I got, just touching the blade.
I forgot the way it makes a mark on my skin
How deep to push.
How the sting felt after
How great it felt just to feel the slightest bit of blood released
I forgot what it felt like to cut into my skin
I forgot the way the blood gushes to the surface
A year without made me forget
But a year without made me hate myself more
My hearts racing,
I can't breath
I can hear my heart beating.
The blood gushing from valve to valve feeding my body.
When I die will that sound stop?
When I die will that feeling stop?
I could die to the sound and feeling of my own heart dying.
I changed my hair.
I changed my hair to get over you.
yet you liked it more.
and yet you liked it more
I changed to get away from you.
but you just got closer.
I changed to get away
And yet YOU still hurt me