There's a silence in the air,
a breeze that's cold and fair.
Lurking shadows stop and stare.

They cower from the light,
from the fluorescent moon, so bright.
I hear them speaking but no one's there.

The mind tries to deceive,
when it can't believe.
We know to look but we don't know where.

Figures in the night,
some almost out of sight.
They screech and cry in the frost bit air.

I wait inside my room,
inside my poorly lit tomb.
Sitting in my electric chair.

I sit and wait all night,
for something I can't find.
Sanity is out there, but where?

all i have
and all that has me
in its grip

escape?

get rid of them
and all that's haunting me
from childhood on

escape? a dream
my love

so live with it.

I've considered killing myself
More times than I've considered
Learning how to live again
Because I don't want to
Live all over again
Only to die all over again
I've thought about cutting my wrists
More times than I've tried
Letting the other cuts heal
I've cried over you
More times than I've smiled
In my whole life
I've told others
How beautiful and fantastic they are
More times than I've told myself
I'm worth something
I've lost more than I've gained
And died more than I lived
The amount of tears I cried could drown
The amount of times I've smiled

i could tell you all the things that i wish you'd noticed
but my only regret was the way you packed yourself from me and refused to listen
i could tell you where to set your once vibrant eyes on,
but you'd only ever kept them shut, closing those windows to undiscovered beauty

you were only ever interested in perfection,
lamenting of the world's unfair ways and incomprehensible occurrences
wanting to be flawless yourself but
unfortunately we were never one of the lucky ones destiny picked to favor
i could tell you how perfection is overrated,
like butterflies with wings pinned under tempered glass
amaranthine and frozen in the time trapped within a transparent case,
beautiful, breathtaking, brilliantー
yet they don't really get to live at all; they are too fragile to brave the world

i wish i could have made you see all the insignificant wonders
everything that touched my heart and would hopefully touch yours,
i wish i could have shown you what you could have lived for
or rather, through my selfishness, i wish i could have made you stay with me
because i could see you standing there with the light slipping
off your tainted skin, like a cascading waterfall
as the tentacles of night shrank back in utter defeat

you started a flamboyant affair with your demon because it'd never leave you;
but you never fell too deep in love because you knew it'd never love you back

still the urge to be faultless and never wrong sifted through your desires
i was wrong to let you pursue an endless dream
and i wish i could tell you how i felt as if i was shattering into pieces
every time you held me so tightly and desperately,
yet it is as if your arms were the only remnants binding my entire essence together

everything faded away as you clawed on to any remaining presence
to any scrap of worthless memory to remind you of yourself
i wish you could have seen yourself through my eyes:
the way your words spilled in fervor, mindless of induced tears and welling disbelief,
how your voice lashed out in a wild arc, madly throwing up shields around you
and i couldn't get closer

though lastly, i wish you could see me now, looping threads with boulders attached
at the ends around my ankles and tossing them off buildings
so when i fall down to reach you, it'll be an elaborately planned accident

- - -

You think it's so easy to forgive you?
You tore me apart,
fragment by fragment.
You watched me burn.
You mocked me.
Why should I forgive you?
You are so full of yourself,
you can't see what's happening around you,
you choose to ignore it.
Now you dare smile at me,
bat those fake eyelashes of yours
and ask me,
'Why do you look so sad?''
I felt like screaming at you,
like telling you that you are the cause of everything.
I didn't.
I just smiled sadly before walking away.

There is always hope
no matter how dim the rays of sunshine
hope is ever present
and one must never give it up

Look up
See that stretch of blue sky?
Isn't it beautiful?
That is hope

Place your fist to your chest
Feel that heartbeat?
you are alive
That is hope

Look down at your hands
trace the creases
you are special
That is hope

Now look in the mirror
behind those eye bags from lack of sleep
behind that watery smile
behind all your cuts and bruises

You are you
you are human
you are alive
and you are a catalyst of infinite possibilities

*you are hope

Do you know what is worse
Than for someone to say your music skills are bad?

That your music is dead

Skills can be perfected with practice
But once the feeling is dead
It's dead.

To my ears they sound fine
They sound like it's full of emotion
But
My ears are faulty
Like how I always search for a minor key
To every major song first

When I compare the sounds
Of mine and others
I can clearly hear the contrast
It's scary
It's like my fingers cause decay
To the piano

I can play all the black keys
And my music would still be flatter
Than it

They say music comes from inside
I guess my insides reflect a dull aching flat echo
The emptiness rattles through my ribcage
My music is dead
And so am I

Early mornings are te best time on the day,
It's quiet it's peace swallows me,
Helps me forget the pain and sorrow,
Helps me let go of the pain from the night before,
The night of nightmares.

Early mornings are the best time during th day,
It reminds me of you,
Your smile your laugh was like the the rising sun,
The cold that sends shivers up my spin is like your touch,
The sweet song birds are like your voice whispering good morning.

But now my my mornings are empty with out you,
My mornings are filled with pain from the night before the night of nightmares and pain,
So my sweet angel remover the that each morning is a new day,
A clean slate a new start,
Smile at the world and remover the the sweet songs of the birds the warmth of the sun on your skin.

Early mornings are the best time during the day.