Sad Girl

Sad Girl Mar 2016

She's a beautiful being
much like a flower,
from which I could learn,
examining for hours.
I admire her smell
and how she speaks of me,
the knowledge she carries
makes one feel less lonely.

From her crown to her toes
she is lovely and free,
a companion that was placed here
for irrational me.

She speaks like the wind
knowing I am delicate,
drops petal-like compliments
that I consider reverant.
She seems like a sea
in which I could drown,
a pure contribution
on this heavenless mound.

I know her as I know myself;
or any book from any shelf.
Open it up and read just a sliver,
ask your questions-
she'll surely deliver.

She knows when to play and when to relax,
she understands my being-
reads through the cracks.
She understands the importance
of an honest, open heart.
She shares my love of music
and creates striking art.

At times she makes me feel
as though I am the advisor,
but I have read a few pages
from her and feel wiser.

I've never quite finished
any book that I've read,
so I'll put the books down and
read into her instead.
~*kd

Sad Girl Feb 2016

He fell from above (but where was he going?)

He kneeled down only to whisper in her ear,
"I can feel you shaking and taste your fear.
Don't let them see you,
don't let them know...
Once they see that you're vulnerable,
they won't let you go.
Who am I?
That, my dear, you know.
I'm trying not to scare you,
take each bit in slow.
Now you understand me;
you can hear it in my tone,
I am the one who sits wise- on the throne."

She suddenly felt comforted and soon, somewhat warm.
She asked no more questions, no longer forlorn.
She followed him solely, latched onto his tail.
She felt if she followed him she could not fail.
She was on fire and everyone saw,
but no one could touch her- they stood there in 'awe'.
She thought that she knew him and joined him in flight.
Away he swept her, straight into the night.
Nobody had words for the deed was done,
the girl was mistaken, the devil had won.

~ short story by me.
© KD

*Know someone's, or something's intentions before following them blindly because you never know what path they are ready to take you down. Some just don't want to be alone on their journey to hell.*

Sad Girl Feb 2016

Now you know.

I thought you'd be the one to unfold me. Would have been easier if you had just told me. You wanted to bend and break, not mold me. Teach me lessons, lessons that scold me. It could have been fun, it would have been nice. I've learned my lesson, tried you twice. You are no good, no better than me. Took me long enough to see. Had to pay a lovely fee. My skin, my heart, my feelings, me. I give everything to feel that love, crying to someone I hope is above. Lonely, sad and without love. My story the same, no matter what. I am pathetic, I am a waste. My love always thrown right back in my face. I would stop trying if I had the grace, but I can't exist in a loveless place. It's not who I am, it's not why I breathe. I give all of my love to everyone but me. I let them push me to every degree, destroy me and hurt me until I'm no longer me. I do it again and again and again, until I have nothing but me at my end. I go away and seek treatment, get help. Never get better, though they assume I am well. I sit in my head and explore my own hell. Go out and make friends who think "she seems swell". We laugh and we party, we joke all night. Inside it is boiling, my personal fight. I get too ****** up and they pack me away. I'm fine while I'm sleeping, I wake the next day. Nothing to remember, it all goes away. My sad, lonely heart lays heavy in my chest and it constantly taunts me until I catch rest. Don't ask why I'm sleeping, you did this to me. Love is my weakness, I'll never be free. I'll sleep while I can and paint on that smile that everyone recognized in me all the while. I'll be what I need to, to keep them all happy, while dying inside. They'll never know, sadly.

Sad Girl Jul 2015

wonder

wonder if he knows that I cry over him. Does he realize that my skin is craving his skin? Nothing tastes better or feels worse than sin. I couldn't let go, I kept diving in. I continue to have an emotional affair to a man, that in my eyes, nothing compares. All of this bad timing is truly unfair; I sit here and wonder how I can repair this crippling situation that swallows me whole, like a succubus taunting and mocking my soul taking everything out of me, losing control. Love is confusing and takes quite a toll.
A past to revisit, though unjustly forbidden. I can't fight the thoughts, you can tell that I'm smitten. The ruse is sure to be up at some point so sit back, watch me crash, might as well roll a joint. They tell me to let go, they me to stop, I act as though I don't like what I've already got... I am often detached from thinking a lot, but allow me to elaborate and thicken the plot. While I'm being touched I am thinking of him, would it ever happen? The chances are slim. Too many people who's hearts are involved could be put at risk and that I can't solve... I invested my feelings in somebody else because I couldn't wait and I lack mental health. Now I'm alone although in a relationship; I didn't choose roads, I just sunk in the pavement. Wishing I could get back into his heart, I sit and break my own letting my home fall apart. I feel guilty and disgusted and jaded and fooled into something that others said would be "cool". A little love affair, some drama, some fragment... But the feelings I have now, they leave me quite stagnant. I have to avoid him at any and all costs, but that never happens. I am at a loss. I'm fighting for him, against all of the odds.. My brain and heart pushing and trying to back off. I toss and turn at night and often I scoff. As I sleep the thought swirls around see, I can't help myself, his presence is astounding. I try to let go, but I want him around me. I want him to sit around and play with my hair, and to run around singing in my underwear listening to music tastes that we both share, smoking and relaxing, traveling everywhere. I could sit here and write down all of my dreams about this magic man that satisfies me, but that wouldn't effect a bit of this predicament... I'm thinking in circles and I am so sick of it. I don't want to hurt anyone but myself so I'll write these thoughts down to put them up on a shelf where no one will read them and no one can see the darkest and evil, aching parts of me. I can wonder all of the time and wish as I may but at the end of the day, my misery will stay.

Sad Girl Apr 2015

Another depressing love story

This is a story of a very loving girl who let her love take her all over the world. A man once convinced her that she was unworthy, and when he threw her out, she left in a hurry. She never looked back and scurried through the states until she found home at her families gates.
Once that man hurt her, she wanted to help others. She gave nothing but love and she nurtured as a mother. Some people accepted the love that she gave and they seemed to love her back so she decided to stay.
The girl fell in love with being loved and got carried away. She ran around experiencing love - every second, each day. Eventually she got herself into a pickle; her heart was strong but her mind, very fickle. She could never belong to only one because she felt she should be there for everyone.
After all of the people that came and went, she never once forgot the time that was spent. The stories, those moments, the love that was shared; she gave out so much love that her heart became bare. She endured great amounts of emotional ware, with some physical injuries that gave doctors a scare. She became very careless with everyone soon and discarded them after they'd been in her bedroom.
Please don't be mislead, the ending is bad, it's another love story with an ending quite sad. After all of the loving and hurting was done, she took a step back to see what she'd become. Much to her dismay she was seemingly ****, for the lovers she loved once, had all come undone.
An ugly society, to which she'd finally succumb, molded her into the person from which all this begun. Who knows if you're reading or listening now, but she wants you to know what you've done. Take a bow.
*kd

Sad Girl Feb 2015

Relapse

"I'm better, I'm better." She lies to herself
as it hides tucked away, taped under her shelf.
"I am loved, I am loved." She convincingly yelped
as her vice hides away until she calls for help.
"I am strong! I am strong!" The poor girl carries on.
He's unhidden and waiting to come sliding along.
Drip, drip, drip. The girl's hand must have slipped
for her razor is laying, right there, where she sits.
*kd

#relapse

Sad Girl Oct 2014

Mess of me

I always give in. I can express one thing to him and then act on another just because I don't want him to hurt or feel unwanted. I don't know what to do, I am constantly at war with myself. He is too sweet, I can be quite sour. Public displays of affection make me feel uncomfortable. I am just so weird and he is way too normal, he wants to call me baby. The moments become soiled and I start to recoil. He treats me like his girlfriend and I just want to be his friend. He wants to settle down, I want to ***** around. He wants to hold my hand and I want him to hold my throat. I try to tell him that we are not right, but I look at his face and see his pain and loneliness- my heart breaks for him every time. He tries to hold me tight and I am often out of fight. What ever am I going to do? I've let love make a mess of me.

#freeverse