i stutter every time i talk because it sounds nice in my head but my words turn into uneven breaks in a thunder storm
and your dark eyes send shivers down my spine
and i guess the lesson "boys like confident girls" never really got through to me
but i guess no lesson got through to me because i am a mess
and my hands won't stop shaking
and all i can think about is how soft your touch used to feel
and now it's like daggers every time our skin comes into contact
maybe i'm the only one who feels it
but maybe that's because i'm getting bad again
but all i ever wanted was you and now every piece of your existence makes me tremble
and i don't know how to get out of this rut because i don't want to feel daggers anymore
maybe i want to feel sea salt brushing against my feet
but then again i would want that water to turn into a hurricane so that something else can destroy me other than myself
how can i love you without casting tides to shore and pouring over us like there is nothing left and maybe there isn’t
i used to want to understand why your eyes flutter every time someone brings up natural disasters
but now i realize that maybe that’s why you love me

your eyes reminded me of the old
oak door in my bedroom from my childhood
it wasn't always at 3 AM when i was writhing in the moonlight
or when i smoked enough cigarettes to make my lungs burn like when i told you i had to leave you
but it's at 5PM when i'm choking back my 26th cup of tea of the day and i can still taste you in every sip
BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING DANCING IN YOUR LIVING ROOM
and it was a wednesday when you told me i was beautiful
but **** that
people always talk about how the sky is so beautiful
but it's just a mess of overcrowded, dead stars
i don't want to keep inhaling musty sunlight instead of your cologne
i've been writing metaphors about your fingers
and wasting paper on poetry about your smile
and god, what i would give for a good day

I’m a child and not a bride, but
Last month you made me marry you.
You know it wasn’t love that made me say yes
But the fear of what shape my death could take
If I were to turn you down. Of course
I had no voice. I could only muse to myself
In the dark closet and imagine myself
A mother at thirteen: would it be awesome?
Would it be dreadful? Would it…? I died of anxiety.

Last month you made me marry you.
I had no time to discover me for myself:
Who I was, what I was, what I wanted to be;
I had no time to think before I had to say yes.
But it pains my bones to the marrow.
I am an unripe fruit for the eating.
I am a piece for the show-glass.

Last month you made me marry you.
I spent nights upon nights weeping over how you’ve
Broken me; how you’ve set my life ablaze
Like a forest in a wildfire;
And now the once-upon-a-time sweet sounding music
Of my soul is burnt into silence.
I have forgotten the dialect of my soul.
I hush. I hush. I hush. I hush. I hush.
You have beaten silence into me,
And now I have to prepare to moan and wail
Beneath your weight, while I watch you helplessly
As you bite into my innocence,
As you suckle the un-ripeness out of me,
As you dig into my childhood and pleasure yourself
In the childhood screams you hear from me.
But it isn’t the fun that makes me scream.
It is the bitter pain of knowing, of remembering
That my life ended at thirteen:

Broken like a fallen calabash
In the hands of a fifty-five year old man.

.







Wordless stranger talking,
sealed doll eyes crying--

as salty moon flies smile.

Black cat's white shadow arches.

Deep sleep escape...

He mentally buries the lost picture
of angels swimming

in holy water--

beneath a thousand shades of
blind twilight.

I suppose he's doing
this on purpose.
Just to drive me crazy.
He posts about drowning
his sorrows in
a bottle of *****,
losing his heart
to a girl with
blue eyes.
Once again I
stole his happiness
and left him a
breathing corpse.
And I don't know how
to move on after
destroying another
human being.

Help!**
I've fallen for you and
I can't get up!