A dilapidated
high school bathroom
all white tile
and despair
rubbed into the grout
yellower than my
stained teeth

There's boys *******
in the stall next to me
I try to quietly
read the news (of your assassination)
but walls are being torn down
whether I like it
or not

I pay the attendant
in nickels and dimes
when I say I'm sorry
I see it's been your face
this entire time
I'm tired of looking
for things not there

You raise a single
slight finger, pointed
to the showers
I cannot even imagine
the pain held within
the walls of your home
I concede

Closing my eyes
inside this dream
I use my hands
to find the corners
my fingers looking
for a way inside
I thought I found something

I did.

You
sitting, naked, cowering
hands hiding your eyes
from the reality
of everything unfolding
before you.
This sordid game of peek-a-boo.

I'm so lonely
I'm like a middle aged ex cop
security guard
Riding the bus
into the Sunset
Liver teetering along an abyss
Mustache can't hide
my cleft lip
my uniform stained
but starched and pressed.
I'm more afraid of you
than vice
versa

A recently revived drowning victim
I'm judging picture books by their centerfold
All the wit in the world won't
save me now
and even though I've made it
This far
I'm still too afraid
to keep ******* through the pages.
You should see
All of my paper cut scars

This is a courtesy call
I hope to hear you
Say you're sorry
and just because
I saw you dancing along the wall
doesn't mean we're friends
In fact
quite the reverse.
You're a man
And I'm ******* insane

There's no way for you to know
how much I've hated
You
I guess it's been years since we talked
So that's my fault.
Retraced steps lead me
to the lip of the pool
Cholera never looked
like my scene
But I feel your genes spreading

Like Jesus and Peter
you'll pass me down this legacy
of hatred, strife and
Pestilence. My god.
I bind my books
into your back
and read you bedtime stories
each period forming a
caldera in your skin.
I touch it.

And this tastes so good
Almost like another life
if I can stay here forever
you may never find me again.
Don't you see how beautiful it is?
I'm not afraid of you anymore.
I think I realized
I just know you
Too ******* well
it's like looking in a mirror