i wonder how many times i forgave someone,
just because i didn't want to lose them

i wanna be the one that got away,
i wanna be the one that leaves a scar in your heart,
i wanna be the one that you never see again

because i know,
you can miss me better than you can love me

i feel blue..

blue because he came to me
but i belong to somebody already,
blue because i should be ignoring him
but instead i'm missing him like crazy,
blue because he doesn't deserve me
but all i want is him

this isn't right,
he doesn't even care
so why do i still care?

i'm in love with you
and i know that love is just a shout into the void
and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed
and that one day all of our labours will be returned to dust
and i know that the sun will swallow the only earth we will ever have, and i'm in love with you
sorry.

yang dulu hangat, sekarang dingin
yang dulu manis, sekarang pahit
yang dulu mementingkan, sekarang membuang
yang dulu peduli, sekarang menyalahi
yang dulu lembut, sekarang kasar
yang dulu baik, sekarang keji

yang dulu cinta, sekarang benci

he lit his cigarette and walked away
and that’s when i knew i no longer wanna stay

i used to be radiant, positive, and content.
i used to be happy over the littlest things.

i'm not anymore.

now,
i'm bitter.
i'm pessimistic. the littlest things make me sad.
i never let things go. i never understand why i deserved all this.

when i was all those good things before, i was taken for granted. and i never want to let anyone gets to feel who i was before. not even myself.

i wondered how many times a person can hurt someone until they're finally broken. now i know.

you and i are like
heaven and earth
black and white
fire and water
east and west

so i'm learning to let you go, even if half of me is with you.

i'll never understand why i'm often collateral damage.
i'll never understand how you're okay when things are chaotic.
i'll never understand how you can leave, thinking it will be fine tomorrow.
i'll never understand how you sleep so sound.
i'll never understand how you can sacrifice me,
when u say i'm your future.

as if you think i'd never have the guts to leave.

i used to think that love was texting 24/7,
      meeting each other everyday, having fun with each other, calling
              each other baby names, and posting each other on social
                     media.
but love.
      love is so much deeper than that. it's having difficult conversations together, forgiveness, understanding, tolerance, and patience.

i'm so glad you taught me real love.

dia datang hari ini,
setelah berjanji berkali-kali untuk menemuiku,
dia akhirnya benar-benar datang hari ini.

hangat rasanya berada didekat dia,
senyumnya, pelukannya, dan suara tawanya berhasil menghilangkan
rasa rinduku.
berlebihan, aku tau
tapi aku rela melakukan apapun untuknya.

Tuhan,
aku sangat mencintainya.
apakah mungkin dia bisa mencintaiku seperti aku mencintainya?

you don't understand me anymore

any efforts i'm doing in trying to explain, you find defensive.
every tear i shed, you find weak.
all the anger i showed, wishing you could see it in my perspective, you find annoying.

i don't know what else to do, and,
you don't understand me anymore.

to this day i still don't understand why you left,
or why i forgave you for leaving.