i can stare at you for hours and still wonder the same things.
how such gentle hands have held up the worlds fires.
how such loving eyes have seen the worse aray of things.
how such sensitive ears have heard the worst words around.
i wonder and wonder about you.
yet you still leave me breathless

since when was the world full of bright brilliant colors?
since when did sunsets cast shades of pink and purple in the sky?
since when did coffee dates involve strands of yellow sunlight shining through frosted windows?
since when did skatepark dates involve soft green grass and ruby red roses?
since when has this world not been monochromatic shades of grey?
because thats all i can see.
help me understand these colors of yours, i would like to experience the beauty.

and all of a sudden i could hear your laugh again.
i could hear your voice, i could see your face.
i shouldnt have texted you.
but i couldnt help it

i want someone to wrap me in the warmth of their arms.
i want someone to hold my heart in the palms of their hands and slowly heal me.
i want someone to take a look into my mind and try to understand my pain.

but the only reason i dont have that is because of me.
its my fault no one wants me

i uttered those three words.
gently, softly spoken.
it was 3 am and the only sound that drifted through the room was the rasp in my i's.
i remember you looking at me and smiling,
only to softly whisper them back to me.
thank you..
thank you for loving me.

shatter my heart again why dont you.
keep my pieces sew together in webs of lies.
break me again why dont you.
rapidly force freshly made recipes of 'love' down my throat.
destroy my everything why dont you.
keep my dreams in a little glass bottle labelled 'hopeless'.

ruin me again and again.
you're my sadistic daydream.

im a ******* for the pain you cause me.

men in love with men,
women in love with women,
and enbys in love with enbys.
theres nothing more beautiful than innocent love.

i can feel my body going limp,
my sight going foggy,
im getting colder.
my head is throbbing and my hands are shaking.
its so loud, im so tired.
its only 8:53

sometimes i watch the stars cry,
i watch the clouds turn gray,
and the sun to blue.
sometimes i watch the world run cold.
the rivers run dry,
the oceans waves level out,
the lakes stop rippling.
the world stops, and it breaks my heart.

i hate seeing you in pain.

will you be the june to my johnny cash?
the tracy to my lil peep?
the kelso to my jackie?
the freddy to my carly?
the james to my alyssa?
the percy to my annabeth?

the star to my night sky.

will you?

im rotting away in this hell of mine

so maybe i'm stupid, or maybe i'm dumb, but i'm starting to think maybe you like that i'm numb

have you ever been put up on the shelf, and only dusted off when people are confused or need something from you?



yeah me too.
i guess we can get dusty together.

come, stay awhile

my heart has sunk to the bottom of the pit, at the base of my stomach.

i had just pulled it out and it got punted back in.

i'm screaming on the inside and you cant hear,

but i'm glad you're happy and have her my dear.

i write,
and i write,
and i write.
yet i can never find the words to put my pain into.
i can never seem to let my emotions flow through the tip of my pen.
though i would love to tell you guys my pain through beautiful metaphors and rhymes.
my pain is fathomless,
let alone someone i can write.

the flowers you have planted in my heart are slowly withering away.
i want to cling to the broken record of your voice,
and the worn out comfort of your embrace.
but as the flowers fade, so do you.
i mustn't forget you, i say.
but your flowers have turned into weeds, and i cant let them **** their way into me.
so forgive me for forgetting.
i just cant anymore

i can hardly remember the days i spent with you.
i forgot your voice,
the ways your hands felt against mine,
the way your giggle sounded.
i forget the moments i once lived for.
im forgetting you.
or maybe this bottle ******* away the memories too.

i scuffed up my knuckles as i crawled my way out.
the skin broke, peeling and bloodied.
my hands shook, my chest tightened, my eyes burned.
my knuckles, which had been rubbed raw, clung to your embrace.
searching for a way to heal.
and you told me to keep climbing.
yet, i still scuff my knuckles for you.

i had a dream,
you were in my arms.
our songs playing in the background.
simply melodies mixed in with giggles and deep breaths.

when i woke up i sighed,
i'm tired if your side being so cold

you always loved card games.
slaps, war, jacks.  you name it, we played it.
but your favorite card game was called hearts.

we dealt our love, feelings, friends. we threw them all on the table.
you had me deal my heart.

and we played.

like always, since it was your favorite, you won.
taking what was dealt on the table and walking out.

i still think about this wicked game you played. and i still think about my heart. i wonder if it beats for you, i doubt it would. but sometimes in the earlier hours if the morning ill see you.

and i can feel my old heartbeat in my fingertips, slowly drifting me off to sleep. and making me think, if part of me still longs to play the game.

id risk my whole life for you if thats what you wished.
id lasso the sun if you needed a light.
id capture the stars so you can be among them.
id give you my lungs so you can breath the crisp winter air.
id give my life to you if thats what you wished.
because my darling, your wish is my command

never in a million years did i think i would meet an angel like you.
with silky hair, and devilish blue eyes.
i couldn't get enough of you.

but as time went on i realized you were a fallen angel. something deprived of the devil.
your kisses were lukewarm, your heart was frozen,
and the only thing you ever did with me was tear my heart out and rip into thousands of threads.
you were once an angel, fallen from grace.

so now, i hope you rot in the depths of hell for all of eternity.

like the devil you've become.

you have my hands tied back with a thin silk rope.
you tighten this rope when you feel me slipping from you.
i even has a name.
love.

sometimes i fade away into empty bottles of ***,
and unsmoked cigarettes.
instead of fading away into your arms.
i find this quite sad

ill forever have a piece of you, and you'll forever have a piece of me.




*******br>

i'm not very clever.
my mind does work at accelerated speed,
yet my mind races when you say something mean to me.

i'm not very gentle.
my hands aren't weary,
yet when you raise a hand to me suddenly they go limp.

i'm not very kind.
when you ask me a question ill tell you straight up. i don't sugarcoat things,
yet when you tell me to talk to you suddenly i do.

im not a pretender.
i don't act like someone else. i'm me and thats it,
yet everyone thinks i'm fine.

im not okay.
but i say i am,
so that means it's true, right?

what about the rest of this, was it true?

when you look at me every star explodes in perfect unison.

i never thought someones breathing patterns would become music to my ears.
i never thought not hearing someones voice would put me in physical pain.
i never thought i would admire someone like i once admired the moon.
but ya know,
there came you.

s
o
  m
    e
     t
      i
       m
         e
           s
p
e
  o
    p
     l
      e
c
  h
   a
    n
     g
       e

im
     sorry.

i find myself longing for your hands tangled with mine again.
why is it always the same time.

sometimes my heart speaks louder than my mind.
and thats when i make the worst mistakes.

that song plays.
i see you, your face as your hair blows around sticking to your lips.
i see him, his fingers tapping along to the drums on his steering wheel.  
i see her, her fingers intertwined with his, screaming the lyrics out his window.
i see them, nodding their head looking at you with the sweetest eyes. not knowing the song but enjoying the energy.
then you see me, our eyes met.
and for the first time in forever, i felt at place.
the song ends.
and so do the worn out memories of you. my beachboy.

in another life i once stared into those kind eyes.
in this life i stare into them endlessly.
it's been you since the beginning of time.
and it'll be you till the end of it as well.

i find myself caring more about life now.
and thats because of you.
i finally have a reason to stay.

your arms incase me.
your lips softly plant unspoken words onto me.
your hands trace my scars, etching hearts into them.
your lungs share their breath with mine.
your eyes mend my broken daydreams.
your voice floats me off to sleep.
your heart beats for me.
and mine beats for you.