i don’t miss you, and please never contact me again
but if you did i’d answer because i miss the warmth in your voice and spending my nights with you.
but please don’t contact me, i never wanna see your face again.
seeing you again is the last thing i would ever want, but it was so warm outside and the stars were so visible in the darkness of the sky and i couldn’t sleep so i should’ve been on the way to your house.
i wish i could get over you, but i already am.
i wish you’d come back but please stay so far away from me.
i don’t love you anymore but i still think about you all the time.

i forgive you for what you did,
but i hope you dont forgive yourself.
i hope it follows you around like a shadow,
i hope it makes your stomach sink when you think of me,
i hope it echos in your ears,
i hope your next lover leaves when you tell them of your actions.
but you forgave yourself long before i ever even thought of forgiving you and they do not plague you the way they have plagued me, so maybe,
i dont forgive you.

step 1. cry into the abyss. scream until your lungs ache and your ribs bruise. beg, plead, pray, and whimper to a god that hasnt listened to your prayers since you were a child.
step 2. stare at the ceiling while you sit in agony, wonder if this feeling will ever go away. replay every happy memory in the back of your mind until you can almost feel their touch burning your skin
step 3. fall asleep in a heap on the bathroom floor, with tears staining your skin and chills covering your entire body. its to cold to sleep there, but you wont move.
step 4. repeat the last three steps every night until you are only a shell of your former self. a hollowed out piece of flesh and bone. shine a flashlight against your chest and watch as the hole in your heart glows
step 5. finally become human after months of rotting into your own prison. do your laundry, the smell reminds you of them. hold back the tears that sting against your eyelids.
step 6. hangout with your friends, force yourself to smile. laugh out a dry heaving laugh, look at your feet when your friends look at you funny
step 7. sit on your bathroom floor and relive the past, hold your knees to your chest as you do. it feels like a hug, but its not. its only your cold arms.
step 8. go outside, watch the sunrays dance around the trees. smile, a genuine smile. god its been forever, hasnt it. soak up those rays. tell your mom about your good day
step 9. put all their clothes into a box, purge your room of any memories you had of them. dye your hair, pierce your nose, reclaim the person you lost.
step 10. laugh again and move on.

i can feel time slowly drifting away.
these little moments that i watch through cracked pavement and try to grasp like weeds on the summer sidewalk.
these memories are supposed to be the highlight of my formative years, yet they filter through my fingertips and leave remnants of a life not lived in my palms.
was i supposed to follow this path?
is this what im supposed to be?

i heard someone with your laugh today.
it made me feel like you were still alive

Something smelled like you today.
The breeze carried your smile and your laugh straight to my sinuses and clogged them in unrequited love and whispered promises spoken in dimly lit rooms.
I had to strain against the weight of your soft kisses and tight hugs that made my knees start to give way.
The warm summer air seemed to taunt me in that moment, knowing the very scent of you could make me weak.
That it could wreck the cartilage that stood fortified in my knees and held me up so highly.
Something smelled like you today,
Or maybe it was just my senses playing a trick on me.
Either way, youre whispered in the breeze. A slowly forgotten memory.

its time for me to say goodbye
to spread my wings and fly far from this place.
ill graze the oceans
and whistle into canyons.
ill feel the flowers ruffle my feathers
and the breeze lift me higher than my wings can carry me.
its time for me to let go of this place,
ive been here long enough