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Rubyredheart Jun 4
shots of you
showers
alternate realities
holding
being held
wanting while dreaming pleasure
warm breath brushing neck
presence of voice and body
soothing reassurance
strong embrace that cannot say goodbye
gentle kiss that cannot let go
assurance of eternal love
even when perfection is a fading moment faintly remembered
as the pleasure of its presence and the pain of its passing.
Originally published to DUP as part of the "Alternate Reality" collection 23rd Dec 2021 | Edited 25th Feb 2025
Rubyredheart Jun 9
Go, then!
I know the taste of shame
Erase the guilty memories of my name
but, please, in some hidden recess of your mind
find a way, a place to love me if you can
or pity if you must
Just, please don't hate me.
Give a care that I am heartsick & forgive
this contagion crafting errors of my ways
mistakes that further distanced you from me
and see
I just miss you still.
Originally published as part of the Alternate Reality collection under the title "Pitied--(part 2)" 22nd Dec 2021 | Edited 1st Mar 2025 | edited June 9,2025
Rubyredheart Apr 8
Let’s sit across the room
Instead of side-by-side
“I’m too tired to talk,” I say
but really want to hide
When, how and why
did partners turn friends
the lover lose allure
even friendship end?
The needy insistent touch
now magnetic repulsion
Hug & kiss a daily duty
just dreaded compulsion
Honest attempts to renew a flame
Futile when fuel is degraded
No longer matters who’s to blame
Only that one is frustrated
3.26.25
Rubyredheart May 20
As the rain falls now past midnight,
and I am wet with satisfaction
contemplations wander:
I know intricacies of desire,
the maps of my pleasure
Yet still wish to learn more of yours
to memorize each line of your body
learn the paths to your finale
to experiment & to find
your harmonies
Pleasures traced along your nerves,
to play the notes of your excitement,
to hold your hardness in my hands
and tease the lingering...
I would know your body as I know my own
then merge our pleasures,
rewriting the sublime
I would ignite the flames of passion shared
Erupting in the night
this erupting heart
but a flickering start
of the fire I’d feed
in the heart of your need

Oh, yes, my Love!
I would memorize your body
as I have mine...
to draw the stories of shared ecstasy
in lines that merge into resounding songs of love
Explosive
Our pleasure perfected
...I WOULD! (if I could)

yet, here & now,
in these silent secret moments
of the silent sleeping midnight rain
I mourn
Alone
that I may never memorize
nor might we yet merge again
our pleasures
perfected
Originally written April 30, 2025
Rubyredheart Jun 6
I traversed a street overflowed with memories:  
some reminded me of one i longed to see,  
in whose presence i desired most to be…  
time had fashioned fresh new flavors  
to pour into the mix of recollections—  
some when reunited with a friend;
some of me alone, satisfied;
some served as tokens, offering of peace,  
remembrances of fond moments from the past…  
I paused there, offered a prayer
for this– the "now" that would create the future yet to be
I also offered penance for bygone hurts I'd heedlessly inflicted
Hear my prayer here on Memory Lane
May these moments–past, present, future–
be forever held, precious.
Originally published on DUP 22nd Dec 2021 as a rewrite from the aughts | Edited 21st Feb 2025 | Edited June 6, 2025
They wrote it on her DNA
From mother’s mother’s mother
And all those aunts and uncles
The deacons, elders, teachers, preachers, leaders
They wrote her wrong:
  
“He’s weak, so be responsible”
“Don’t cry” “kneel down”
“Listen” “obey” “because I said so”
“sinner” “he died for YOU”
“Thou Shalt Not” … “shalt not” … “shalt not”…
“Be a good girl”, “say ‘sorry’”, “bow and pray”
“OBEY!”
“You must Forgive!!” Forgive, forgive…
  
(from infant, to girl, to ******* that grew)
Walk the line, speak OUR “truth”
THERE IS NO YOU!
REMEMBER: please, not pleasure
“That’s right, Kneel down, Apologize…”
Meek is pretty
Femininity
Yesss…bow…
seek PERFECTION

“Desire? NO! Desires don’t belong to you!”
Oh, Their desires? Honey, they can’t help it…

GIVE  
F O R G I V E
don’t live
don’t be
Just see
OTHERS



years

free

me

yet haunting whispers of the child’s ghost
remnants of her twisted DNA
Echoing cellular repercussions
through the years into the now
…it’s complicated…
(“May I have a rewrite?” she’d meekly plead)

“To late” wrote fate
she shrugs, “why hate?”
decides resigned just to deal
Originally published 11th Nov 2021 | Edited 19th Feb 2025 | edited June 25, 2025
If this resonates, check out the mini-docuseries: Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey
Rubyredheart May 20
Midnight aches
My body shakes
Stifled tear
to hold you near
Pleading ask
Remove the mask
Say truthfully
If you love me
All I know
I need you so!
Yet, sad these sighs
Hope only lies
Rubyredheart May 9
Yes, quietly with you breathing softly here beside me
I might shyly reach a hand to grasp yours briefly,
a nonverbal recognition just to say, "I care"
the gentle softness of your breath, rhythmic, so reassuring
knowing you are here with me...

This, another dream I hold
hidden in that place of magic
where dreams and memories merge...
this longing to simply share a space with You
Quietly, Together...

I LOVE YOU
in the quiet moments, too.
yes, I love you
here, now, quietly
originally written 28th Jan 2025
Rubyredheart May 5
Is this because I hurt you
so Deeply?

I’m sorry
I truly am Sorry

Lay it all on me
I’ll listen
Just listen

I DO care!
Originally written 6th Mar 2023
but always true
Rubyredheart May 9
For me
Home is you
I want to be your home, too
You are my person
You are my place
originally written 24th Dec 2024
Rubyredheart May 7
Would you linger with me
Soft lips meeting
Savoring the stolen moments
of red-light kisses Someday?

I’m saving them all for you…

My thoughts will fly your way  
At each red light each & every day
as in dreams I’ll wait
Originally written 21st Feb 2024
Rubyredheart May 22
I need a refill for my soul
those clamoring hands
drained the dregs
Art, beauty, gentle love
bring the peace to fuel my moments
refill the empty
heart desires still
strengthened will
to shower love from beating chest
brushed with spectrums of love
dusted with the magic of art
refill this soul to shower gifts
along the day again
Rubyredheart Jun 4
How comforting, those simple words,
“I do that, too.”
Then, I knew I wasn’t alone.
If it makes me broken or crazy,
at least I have company.
Originally published 23rd Dec 2021 | Edited 21st Feb 2025 | Edited June 4, 2025
Rubyredheart May 5
you dwell so deep within my fantasy
i cannot loose you from my longing
your name and touch flow through my veins
your body is my heat
your face and voice though faded, reappear
in watercolor visions of my dreams
your erasure fails
because you are my book of memories
you’ll ever be my always wish
when i frame my love
when i draw the walls of home
there you remain
my love
ever haunting my hope
originally written 16th Apr 2023
Rubyredheart Apr 17
Constricted
Restricted
Predicted
I Sigh
Addicted
conflicted
Resisted
a cry
Erase
Need space
Retrace
Still try
but why?!
Convicted
Depicted
Existed
A lie?
another good-bye?

Unspoken.
No token.

once broken
twice shy
Rubyredheart Apr 15
When we first met
I knew of little else--
Ignorant and innocent
You were my greatest love

Now I’ve been around
Sampled years of life
Yet I desire no one else
You ARE my greatest love
written 7th Jan 2022
Rubyredheart Jun 17
I would show you
In tone and word, touch and…
Do words exist sufficient to encapsulate
all the ways and senses?
I would use them all!
you would KNOW
my heart, soul, body…
You would know
the extent of sensation…
How I ache intensely to express
in every way and more
just how deeply
I Love You
Right now
If I could, I would
show you. You would know.
Rubyredheart Jun 12
I’d built thick prison bars,
enclosed the corner that you claimed in my heart.
How did your ghost break free
to set up residence in its entirety?
My heart is now too vital,
too wrapped around those tiny fragile ones
to risk a break again (like long ago).
I know it’s not your fault!
‘Twas nothing of your doing that freed this apparition,
ne’er replaced friend & lover
whose conquering flag was never burned,
for whom my love could never be excised.  
The simple fact is:
“Promise me,
no matter what happens,
you’ll always know I love you”
rings true of my love, too—
This heart-home where your ghost resides…
this domain where you are King
I am your palace, you the Royal tenant ever,
My Beloved.
To drive you back into that prison cell,
I will not even try.
Published 19th Dec 2021 | Edited 1st Mar 2025 | Edited June 11, 2025
Rubyredheart Apr 21
I want to take you

Let basic instincts overcome
I want to let the Beast inside
Run Wild,
run Free
…just RUN
I want to merge, converge
with desire and passion and need
I want to hold your greed
hear you plead
with dilated eyes for more of me
I want to merge our rhythms, merge our rhymes
Merge your deep heart deep with mine
I want to feel you feel my deep inside
Let thinking stop & love the ride
Let rudimentary vision win
I want your all!
the Divine, the Sin
Sad
Rubyredheart May 11
Sad
Of course my heart would break for either:
death is death.
“code Adam” in the store today
fused my heart with his parent’s
heart beating fearfully for Wilder
age 7 in an orange shirt…
at least He was found
Rubyredheart Apr 10
The teen Eagles trying to share the long sandbank outside my window
Humored me repeatedly with their swole posturing & mid-flight scuffles
It is strange how their engaging antics
Lifted my thoughts to wishful flights
Where I would share the views with…
But perhaps I share too eagerly, too frequently
so resist the urge…
No matter…
These enormous formidable raptors
Rejected my association with their convocation
The plethora of snapshots captured
Shows nothing of the moments I would share

*and, yes, in all 5 senses (if with a kiss)
I remember, in all 5 senses, you.
Dreams of you, light up all perceptions.

Visions pierce my sight
with vivid colors—red & blue
your tender eyes,
your beating heart,
lips lined with passion
back-dropped by seaside sunset brilliance.
You are my light.

Scents linger in mind’s breath—
you, so clean, shower-fresh;
tangy tangerine;
flowers--lavender and lilac,
varied hues of scented roses,
garden of our memories

My tongue, hungry for you, tastes our history as
shared popcorn, counted sushi, big soft pretzels, sampling tasty foods;
a shot of ***** from your mouth, light-headed shock;
and most missed that freshly long minty kiss; water licked from clean soft skin; the taste of you within. . .mmm

Your sounds whisper in my dreams—
rhythmic breathing; rhythmic heartbeat;
soft light lasting laughter ringing in my ears (though now long faded, those tones echo ever through the chambers of my mind);
gentle listening caring voice
(must you say “good-bye”?)

Forevermore I’ll miss, your loving touch—
warm & gentle, firm & safe,
strong secure hug, encompassing;
Playful moments, teasing
Would those moments ‘neath your skin,
Moments merging bodies, might return & lasting be.

I dream in all 5 senses wistfully,
wishing fully to sense you in reality.
Originally published 23rd Nov 2021 | Edited 27th Feb 2025 | edited June 2, 2025
Rubyredheart Jun 1
Long-desired Lover,
‘round whom my planet spins,
Your mighty hammer blows
within these deepest caverns
Vibrate an earthquake
reverberating pleasure
through every sighing shaking nerve
echoing remembrance, your aftershocks
throughout my body
Volcanoes blasting, burning, spouting
molten excitement marking skin
with your symbolism
mountains constrict
their twinning spheres
Glow with satisfaction
I Shiver…
This planet ever moans for you
Originally Published 6th May 2022
yet these desires never wane
Rubyredheart Apr 18
I really wish I could hate you
Or, better yet, just not care
Because it’s weak how i wear
This need for you everywhere
It can’t be helped, this seeking you
Burns endless in my aching breast
Please let me know you more
Rubyredheart May 24
I’m sorry I didn’t make a life with you
I’m more sorry that wasn’t even an option
because to be honest
I still miss

Rubyredheart May 23
Speak to me
in language of the sea
soil & skies
sing as the stars brushing velvet night
as the breeze bringing leaves their dance
Lace my lashes with flower dust
the glitter of time & memories past
splash the serum of love across my lips
color me with speeches of beauty
tonight
Sing me in dreams of sleep with your heart
speak to me
in languages of *** and magic
Trace my desires
they all lead back to the art
when we were in love
with our hopefully
interlaced kisses
Speak to me
In whatever form your whispers take
As long as you promise
Future
Rubyredheart Jun 8
Exhausted
Empty
from trying to hold
all their emotions with love
while mine flow unseen.

Even now, no-one knows
how I paused returning home,
set crutches aside, sat on the curb & cried
safely hidden from spying cameras & eyes.

Since I walked through that door
I’ve absorbed their emotions:
disappointment & blame,
frustration & sadness
irritation & hurt…
‘til now bewildered, exhausted
with no one to hold my heart
and care that I, too, feel…
spent
nothing left but a weary sigh
before I return to pry
the story of why he’d sleep on the couch
tonight
to be fair, his sensitive side is probably my genes
Rubyredheart May 8
Dear, my Deer in the headlights
startled by this deep desire…
Did my fire frighten you away
into thick forests where you stay
& hide your gentle light from my sight?

I am no mountain cougar
crouching in your tracks to pounce
& wreck your regal gait.

I am the tracks you left behind.
I am the flower in the wood.
I am the cloud drifting above.
I am the falling drops of rain,
tears shed for your lost love.
I am the babbling brook beckoning you:
Come, rest & drink.

Yet here,
rushing to the brink of a crashing waterfall
fallen over
(over you)
logic buried in the wild churning of this boiling need
I fear:

Do my whirling rapids ***** your prancing hooves?
Would you dash back to a forest cabin
where hunter hangs the most prized rack--
branches of a love once wild & free,
now tethered to a wall, a long forgotten trophy?

Do your startled nerves seek an escape
from the vision of my river rapids
falling, crashing, diving into your bedazzling eyes?
Ought I to withdraw that you might find a calm?
Might you eventually retrace those wary steps
back to my thirsty banks?

I wait
However long it takes,
I pause; I wait.

may your caution find its rest
may your heart soften a nest
may your wandering pause to bless
my waiting hungry days
with the trust of your warm rays.

in my waiting may these roiling surging waters of emotion
subside into a calm,
find stillness, peace
provide a placid place
for rest
originally written 17th Dec 2024
Rubyredheart Apr 3
Then
I read the saddest good-bye’s
From cold grey eyes
Denying a glance my way
Now
Mournful another would claim
Gifts writ in your name
for desires you could not say
Ever
The longing holds true
I’m wishing for you…
But respect holds me at bay
Rubyredheart May 9
Desire seeking satisfaction failed tonight
(it wasn’t right without echoes of your light)
Famished, now, without
(how can I sleep soaked in this doubt?)

Might you this sinking midnight...
Glimmer me?
Picture your today?
(I pray)
originally written 27th Dec 2024
Rubyredheart Apr 15
flying free at night
twin sharp teeth of white
blood red need, throbbing bleed
ageless faces of eternal longing
blessed bite that brings belonging
fall towards my embrace
melancholy trace trickling from his tongue
naked mouth and I’m undone

Take my all, welcomed fiend
My hate, my love, my in-between
Ravish lips to lips and enter in
Forever hold, embrace of sin
Until I taste of your inferno
Together our memory eternal
written 29th Oct 2021
Rubyredheart Apr 3
Pausing mid-conversation
with a bi-weekly buddy
he interrupts my **** to say
“The cat spilled her water”

so I fill & clean and wonder:
why the **** tell me?
(it took more time than sopping up the spill)

Maid! MAID! Snap snap…
Over here Miss…& bring a rag

Eye roll into bed…
so ends a day of service
Rubyredheart May 7
I wish I had the nerve
Wish I didn’t revert
to fixing, soothing, fawning, self-erasing
I wish I could remember how I feel,
find the words…at the right time
but mostly find the nerve

How many months am I allowed to hurt
after a couple decades of injury?
I wish I had the nerve
to take MY turn!
Then, I wish he would just listen.

Yes, angry now
that I don’t have the nerve
to carve out a place for MY hurt
Or better yet
to find my own safer space to heal
Rubyredheart Apr 3
Aimless; trying to focus;
find I’m wandering ether-bound
Breezy lyrics ever ringing—
music in my ears, it echoes all around
Nothing yet can free reminders
aching love & numbing loss.
See their fingers clawing, reaching, helpless
for the witch they burned & tossed
Hurt & anger seething—fire-fuel
Sick that I’m the one let go
Though wings they took; Burned me…gone!
****, I’ll be their ghost flambeaux!
What’s that? Now my tonic you desire?
Now the witches brew you crave?
All that I have left to offer
are these deathly flames you gave…
Poetry reading: https://youtube.com/shorts/fYJQyVB2qGU?si=J2U7yYUB0moTqStp
Rubyredheart Jun 22
I’m trying to find a way back to me,
to undo some choice in my history  
when I took the wrong turn,
propelled down the wrong road.
Somewhere the me that was meant to be  
Turned into an alternate (missing) reality.
Yet, searching the map of my life I’m blind.
Which choice was not right, I can’t find
Or rather I can’t determine
at what point I should have deciphered the way.
When & where was lost
that stronger & happier me,
the “she” who I want to be?

Though, does all this questioning matter?  
It’s been a one-way street for so long.
Reverses & turns could just splatter
the good. Those I love would be gone.
Illusions, delusions, beacons of hope?
They’re all but a fevered dream to cope
Or a glow that spotlights how lonely the day
Yet, I continue this pondering to say:  
Is there hope for THIS life to be true?
(Could I ever find another like you?)
Originally published 9th Dec 2021 | Edited 21st Jun 2023 as “Wrong Turn” on DUP | heavily edited June 22, 2025
Rubyredheart May 9
I want to say it
with your name
spoken to You
Audibly
Softly
Such that you KNOW it’s true
true of EVERY version of you:
I LOVE YOU!
I love YOU, _.
I love Only you.

I want to know
the ENTIRETY
of who your are,
have been
and desire to become

Every revelation
of your history
your present
& your desired future
is a gift

I do not take trust lightly

Please believe,
I value
every smallest measured Piece of You
because
I
Love
You, _
!

Always,
_
originally written 22nd Dec 2024
Rubyredheart May 23
I wish you would tell me something real
I want to really know you
to know your worries & desires
I want to hear your thoughts & feelings
tell me what lights a smile
what darkens your eyes
I want to know the little annoyances
of your day
& the moments that bring a chuckle
however silly or ridiculous
I want to experience in real time
the ticking seconds of your reality
I want to really know you
Rubyredheart Jun 5
I fear
no matter what I say or don’t
a moment will return of greater absence…
how long will be the wait?
and will you still return?
or absent stay?
so silent I remain
I fear

I want more
yet more I fear the less
so in these lesser shadows now I lay
tongue-tied
pointlessly wishing & wondering
more of you
Rubyredheart May 8
City bustle & calm jungle lakes
Ethnic spices and sweet rice cakes
Mystic temple caves, scenic highlands,
Bluff-side hot springs & ape islands
In far-off countries where adventure takes
Still missing the joy your presence creates
This longing heart thirsts in a dry land…
Someday might I wander while holding your hand?

For you, only you, I always will wait
my desired & favorite Travel Companion
originally written 28th Aug 2024
Rubyredheart Apr 18
Anger, hurt, sorrow
Write my tears
Through oh so many years
Of loving, needing, seeking you
Yes, I’m angry, hurt & sad now
Seeing how
You disappeared
Mournfully I wonder,
Can you truly be a friend
when dealing hurt again & again?
It’s quite simple my desire—
of your words I do not tire
Return…
I ask
Return
Rubyredheart Apr 21
I didn’t want that…
It was an absent-minded slip,
A genuine mistake,
The wrong touch

& now again
I mourn what cannot be undone
A likely risk
sure to one day come
Does loss ever become
easy, acceptable, humdrum?

perhaps…because
the part that isn’t saddened
sighs, shrugs & resumes
as intended

still the cloud hangs heavy
carrying another mistake
Rubyredheart May 1
Though it’s probably untrue
that you think of me so little
It doesn’t really matter;
What really matters is
you would have me BELIEVE it’s true.
Which probably means,
you don’t WANT to think of me
Rubyredheart Jun 20
I saw you again, Briefly
Before flitting away.
Later I whistled a rambling tune
While cooking dinner,
In domestic apron tied,
And passingly thought
“Yup, Still…”
Yet, somewhere deep inside
my heart missed you.
(for an eighth of a beat)
Reminiscing of alternate realities:
A-frame on the beach
Shared flight bottles
Cognac and what?

It doesn’t matter.
Pieces mis-fit…
Those lives we’d lived…
Would live…
Worlds apart
(Never mind the part
of you ever with me…)

The dream was real
The real a dream—
for fleeting (flown) Moments
in another time & place
We were matched, whole, complete, together…

Of course, unreal,
virtually imagined?

I was happy
living that night in time
Your time In me
Nearly forgotten?
A rare tingle,
Sensation, love, completeness
Never to be forgotten.

You…
Your remorse
Regret
Be gone

As I virtually compose our song
A Dream
Originally published 27th Sep 2021 | Edited 22nd Jun 2023 | edited June 20, 2025
Rubyredheart May 20
You are where my dreams go when looking for a nest
My soul seeks yours in freeing words when needing peaceful rest
Your heart will always be The Missing Piece of my own
Though I still hope the “missing” leaves  and we are simply Home

...

but until then, I offer:
tuck my love & care in your pocket
and keep me there, safe
draw on it when you need
(you’re going in my pocket, too)
originally written 12th Jan 2025
Rubyredheart Jun 10
Driving home today  
my heart missed you  
I embraced it--that strong emotion of longing  
A daily occurrence
I'm lucky to have you to miss


. . .

(now, looking back)
I WAS lucky!
still am
...to have known you...

I'd rather miss you (however painfully)
than have those memories nonexistent
I'd rather wish you would talk
than not know how your voice would sound

Though that hope no more can flourish
the sentiments remain:
I'm lucky
missing you.
Originally published to DUP on 23rd Dec 2021 | Edited 10th Jan 2023 as part of the "Alternate Reality" collection
Rubyredheart Apr 15
Your imperfections fall in all the perfect ways.
My fantasies are memories and memories are fantasies with you.
You set my blood on fire but more—
You’ve been my friend.
My most broken screams have reached your ears.
Because of me, that sharpened boomerang of pain
has gouged your heart at times, and yet…
I know you’ll always care--that’s who you are.
I love being in love with you because
however hopeless the idea of "us" may be,
I still feel more filled with hope when dreaming of you
than when I try to crush this love.
Written 16th Jan 2022; revised
Rubyredheart May 8
I tried to write a poem
explaining how words fail me
describing how I love you
elaborating on
emotions, desires, passion, appreciation,
the many ways I value all of you.
I tried to artistically create
the essence of ALL you mean to me
I can’t.
You are indescribable
&
I love
all of you
&
originally written 30th Oct 2024
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