I want to dance
I love moving to the music
and making it real
its fun to portray the music in actions
to take what I'm listening to and let it transcend through my body
but I can't
and every time I try I am told
over
and over
and over
that I cant dance
and that I should stop trying

I dont want to be alone
i cant stress that enough
i hate being depressed
i.hate not having love
the only being that loves me is God
shouldn't that be enough
why am i awake crying about somone
who gave up on us
i thought i was better
but it keeps running back to me
i would be watching tv
abd realize i have no one who would want to watch it with me
i want to die
but i can't leaves this world knowing
i would hurt somebody
because people only show you they care after your die
my death might cause somone to die on the inside
and that's not right
but im lonely
i hate this depression

Never once did I say I love you
the words always rose in the back of my throat
but never passed through my lips
something about them just didn't fit
It seemed, cheasy
almost fake
as if saying I loved her
would put my life at stake,
and thinking about it,
it probably would
I didn't know her that well
and we weren't exactly dating
in fact,
she probably didn't even like me
but I did, indeed
love her
but never once did the words leave my lips
because I learned from pass experiences
that when you say it
everything from there goes down hill
so never once did I say I love you
and I don't regret it
because I lost her either way
but this way I have nothing to miss

No one knows me
I hide behind shadows
the real me is never showing
and whenever I want to give people a glimpse
they say im not acting like 'me' today
What they really mean is
I''m not acting like they want me to act
I'm not 'acting black'
and im not like they want me to be
and I don't wanna change anything
I like not being real
Then I don't have to feel
I can stand back and watch my life
like a 2-hour movie
Around certian friends I'm cool
but that is only one part of me
I show people diffrent parts of me
and they all know a diffrent me
And im so caught up in all of these personalities
I dont know who I am anymore
I dont have a plan anymore
I dont have a me anymore
I am just a narrator
Watching the characters of my life
watching the diffrent me's roam around and smiling bright
yet im not there
nothing behind my smiles its not that i dont care
its the fact that I AM NOT THERE
Who I am
I don't know anymore
my real personality got lost in the world
and I don't know if I can find it
I don't know If i can look in the mirror and see one person
I don't even know if it is really me looking
I don't know If 'I' even exist
I don't know who the real me is
I don't know if there is a real me
I don't know me
I don't know
And I don't want to

I'm slipping
The hold I had on reality is failing me
I guess it was always faulty
No one sees me crying
But I'm dieing
The game of life I'm losing
And no one is here to help me
I'm drowning
Can you teach me how to breathe
I'm slipping
Back to who I have been running
From

Man is taking an experiment with a frog
He tells the frog jump frog
He jumps 10 inches

He cuts off one leg
jump frog
He jump 5 inches

He cuts of a leg
jump frog
He jumps  3 inches

He cuts off a leg
jump frog
Frog jumps 2 inches

He cuts off the last leg
jump frog
The frog doesn't move

He concludes when you cut of all of a frogs legs he goes death

My brain is eating its way out
Of my head
Stop screaming
The pounding is cracking my skul
As i stand in the model of my denial
You scream at me
For doing what you told me to
The way you told me to
I'm sorry
For not reading between the lines of your screams
For not drowning punt your words and leaving the message
I let a little slip away
I'm trying to learn from my mistakes
But everything i try
Is wrong
Don't cry

But i don't listen to my own advice
I break down
My legs shiver as my mind gives up
Jenny
My mind screams the name my lips won't dare to let out
She's gone
As my hands start to shake
You scream at me
Stop this game
I'm sorry for surviving
For crying
I'm sorry for not dieing
Tonight im gonna make it up to you

She was whoever you wanted her to be
You could take an image
Reflect
She will repeat

He was a fire
He could grow and into an unstoppable force
If the vacuums of depression and peer pressure didn't take his breath away
He was fragile
But beautiful at the same time

I am a broken down snow globe
Still playing that same old tune
A little of key
Hoping that someone would wonder
Into this abandoned town where I am left hopelessly
Alone
The glass is cracked but I still try
I bend the broken springs
Train the ballerina how to twirl
And keep the snow falling
Just so I can bring joy to someone who wanders past my little broken town
And see that life can come from death
But no one ever comes
And I an left hopelessly
Alone

And we all want one thing
Love
And we all search for it at the bottom of this never ending bottle
So we all drink our selfs to sleep
On this cold dark island
Where we can't build a bridge of hope to get over the river
So we sit
Side by side
Dont cry
Breathe
Drink
Repeat
Until we get weak
Fall asleep
And no one else is there to fill our cups
Our cracked old cups with the fake potion that makes our hopes a reality
Then puts us to sleep

Maybe this time I won't wake up

Repeatedly

im hungry
as in i didnt eat dinner
my stomach is caving in on its self
and i dont know how to fix it
i could eat food
but honestly i dont have any
so i keep watching others that are eating
and hoping i get some of that feeling

I'm hungry for hope
as in I stopped believing
my faith is caving in on itself
and i dont know how to fix it
I could find joy
but honestly  i dont have any
so i keep watching other that are smiling
hoping i get some of that feeling

Hands can take life away
Hands can save someone life
Hands can take away pain
Hands can write show how much you break
Hands can show your not alone
And hands can tell you to get away
Hands can make someone stay
Hands hold the knife that cuts my wrist
Hands can tie the not that i hang myself with
Hands can write the notes I give to my friends
Hands show my story
and can cause my story to end
Hands show you a lot about me
Just look at my hands and you will see
how much pain that goes throw me
maybe your hands
will be the hands
that can save me

She's a female
A little shorter than me physically
But not at all mentally
Self esteem higher than I thought was a possibility
But she's  not cocky
She's the balance
The middle of all things good and bad
She's strived for by, at least, me
Her smile lights up rooms
And I think she knows that
It's different
But interesting
My latest interest captivates me
Let's hope I don't **** her up

Dear Jenny
I hope one day you will remeber me
i know i am fading from your memory
you stopped thinking about me

you want people who are there
and ever since you moved you havent seemed to care
if im ok

I know we said that it will never work
I know long distant relationships always end in heart break
but my heart is breaking every time I try to call you on my phone
and i realize you changed your number
but that is not the only thing that changed
instead of long letters they have gotten short
Your usual I love you
has been replaced by a sincerely
and even though everyone says it doesnt mean anything
it means something
to me
so i know i am fading from your memory
you stopped thinking about me
so this is the last letter from me you will see
Sincerely
       The one you left behind

Did  you know that any building you see
can be torn down easily
if its built on the wrong soil
If its foundations wrong it will fall down withot a fight
Like Goliath on the awesome night
And what happens if our foundation is not in Christ
We will not thrive
To be what we can be
We will be mediocre and feel pain constantly
Those superstars not in Christ behind close doors they are not alright
They will never feel the joy  through Christ
They willl never be able to say
Because I have faith in him I know I can survive
They suffer and crumble till they die
And then people talk about their awesome lives
You know who is awesome?
Me
Because I have faith in Christ and I believe I fell joy
Ad I can scream Hallejuah
And know what it means
I believe in a God above all things
Who can move the mountians
Without t0ouching a thing
Who knows what I can be
And you too
Because he is the one who created you
So what happens when a car
Forgets how its made
They will try to fast
Then fail everytime since that is not their way
What they are menant to be
God made you and me
He has a plan of what we should be
I don’t know what it is exactly
But its amazing
How do I know?’I believe I have faith
That is one of the amazing things that make me me
I’m awesome
And I have my life based in Christ
My heart
My soul longs for him
And if some young man wants my heart they can go to jesus to get it
Because I believe
And I know having my life bound in Christ feels amazing
I know it sounds captive controlling and crazy but its not
Its beautiful
Loving someone and knowing someone else loves you too
Having that assurance that someone is always watching you
Guiding you
Helping you
Picking you up when you fall
Knowing souome loves you faults and all
And always forgive
That is who Jesus is
And Im based in him
Because I don’t wanna fall
And I stand tall
You should come stand too
Do what John 3:16 tells you to do
And you will be renwed
Try to make your foundation Jesus
Pray that you love Jesus and believe it
And you will not fall likte the rest
You will soar
Have you ever wanted something more?
Well that something more is jesus
He is there for you
He wants you
Hes got you
Trust him cause he loves you

Awake in the middle of the night

breathing air

with opened eyes

wondering why

I'm still alive

Dear bully*,
I dont cry because you don't like me
I dont cry because you lied
I dont cry because I'm hurting inside
Even though I should
I cry because you aren't happy
I cry because you cant love yourself and so you hurt others
I cry because of the little kids who look up to you
I cry because I see your future if you stay on this path
I dont cry because I'm sad
I cry because no one has cried for you
and told you they love you
because if they have you wouldn't try and hurt me
but your hurting yourself
So when you see me crying
and you start to laugh
call me weak and cowardly
and act like your all "bad"
just remember one thing
I will remember it too
I dont cry because I'm sad
I cry because no one has ever loved you

Sincerely,
      *The Victim

Her father walks up the stairs with a new ******* his arm and yells, "Georgia, get me and this young lady something to drink!" Georgia grabs her walking stick and fumbles her way to the kitchen.  She feels her way to the refrigerator, and opens it. She sticks her hand inside and pulls out the cold cans, with plastic over the rim. She uses her cane and feels her way into the living room where he father usually is. She holds out the can as her father takes one. “WHAT IS THIS? YOU KNOW I DONT DRINK LIGHT BEER! CANT YOU READ!?”  She cries and stares at him with pleading eyes. She replies, “No.” He throws the beer back at her and she falls and starts trying to get her stuff together. The girl with her dad laughs. “Can I try?”
Her dad looks at her face and start chuckling. Georgia picks up her stuff and starts to leave. “No no no, stay here and play a game with us.” He takes the loose change from his pocket and starts throwing them at Georgia. He gives some to his new girl and she joins in. Georgia lays on the floor and cries as the quarters bruise her side. On the stairs her friend Garry is video taping.

After about 3 minuets of them laughing, drinking and throwing Georiga’s dad said, “ Sweetie its getting late Georiga should ger her rest she has school tomorrow.”
“Your no fun.” she replied, her words mended like Emma’s.
Emma. Georiga was wondering what her friends where hearing, what they where doing, as they hid in her room. She wondered if they would still be her friend, or if they would tell the police, or would they realize what messed up piece of trash she is and treat her like they relize she should be treated.

Pick me like a flower
Like there was an entire field of daisies and for some reason you just picked me
In no way am I the most beautiful
But you choose me first
And chose me only

Chose me like a crayon
When your a toddler drawing a picture for mommy
And you just know the sky has to be that shade of......green
In no way am I perfect for you
But you don’t care
And you choose me anyway

Fight for me like I’m favorite food place
And your dad just asked you where you wanted to eat
And they want pizza but you are in love with the Chinese spot right down the street
I’m not cheapest
But I’m worth it

So pick me
Cause you don’t mind mediocre daisies
green skies
Or Chinese food that you know you don’t need

People love that saying

time heals all wounds

but when you live long enough

you will realize most cleches

are true

its amazing what even the smallest passage of time can acomplish

the cuts it can close

the imperfections it can smoothe over

but in the end

it comes down to the size of the wound

doesnt it?

if the wound is deep enough

there might be no way to keep it from festering

even if you have

all the time in the world

I wear a mask so that one day

I can convince myself i am happy

Its hard some times to pretend to be human
to act as if I understand all that is happening
I remember things randomly
from when I wasn't exactly the definition of sanity
crazy is a good adjective
but doesn't quite capture it
Im insane
completely bonkers
and sometimes I forget how to be human
I forget how to have emotion
and no one seems to understand it
I'm not depressed
no
I'm an alien

Your like fire
Everytime I think of you it sends a spark through me
But not enough to restore my pulse
And give me body heat

He was her angel in shinning armor
With wings on inspiration
He protected her fragile heart
From the arrows of jealousy coming from every direction
And she
She was his master piece
He took her from the bottom too top
showed her What she saw as nothing
Was something
He turned her heart from coal too a beautiful diamond
But this diamond was fragile
So he protected her with wings of encouragment and inspiration
He saved her
But while he was protecting her
She saved him too
Because he worn his armor
Not to protect him from you
But to protect you from him
Because he thought he was a monster
What you see as shiny armor
And glory
He saw as a prison
And a victory
A victory against who he was
And who he was becoming
Because he no longer loved himself
But then he saw his reflection in her eyes
He saw the angel he was becoming
The greatness he was capable in achieving
and he realized if he could make the girl with the diamond heart smile
And she realized if she could show the angel his wings
Then they where worth something
And they were worth something good

She got pregnant a 16
and he actually stayed with her
so the first time he hit her it was just a bad day
the next time a bad week
A few months later she said it will be ok
but she needed to get away
she knew what was happening
but she said her love for him will stay the same
she was acting like it was a game
she thought it was her fault
she thought she deserved it
until she had her baby
and things started to change
he would scream at the child and call her names
her child would cry every night and ask go to take the pain away
then one day she asked her mom why she stays
her mom answer stayed the same
"My love for him will never go away"
the next day
the girl walked out the house with a packed suitcase

I never told anyone how I felt
When your the bad guy no one really cares enough to help
you see I lied

I hurt my best friend
and every single day people wont let me forget it
So I've had to live with it

You see I felt trapped
trapped in my ways
I said I could stop if I wanted to
But i wanted to stop everyday

If someone would of found out I was lying
and said they would still be my friend when I stopped maybe but
things don't really happen that way
I was what people call a bully

I was trapped in that box
and that was the one time I knew what it was like to be forgot
because people forget

they forget your a person
they forget there must be a reason why you lied
they forget that you still know how to cry

you see it is easy to help the victim
but the bully well thats the hard part
when you try to help a bully you wont know where to start

because the bully has a wall
that looks like no one can get through
and behind that wall the bully is crying
they don't cant stop lying
they are hurting
they need saving
but you just keep sayin
" Just stop bullying"
like its that easy

well this is a message from  me
the common bully

He's the reason I flinch
Because when I'm with him he doesn't hesitate when hitting me
When you move to fast all I see is his fist

He's the reason I say sorry so much
Because he always made me apologize for everything I was
Everything I am And everything I will be

He's the reason I hesitate when saying love you
Why I can't trust like I want to
And why the people around me think I hate them for loving me

But maybe one day I won't flinch anymore
I won't say sorry as compulsively
And I'll be able to say I love you
To the people I trust

Maybe one day
I'll unlearn all the lessons he taught me
I'll forget how I loved when he hurt me
And move on

Maybe one day
I'll be happy

When the walls fall around me
and I feel like giving up
when everyone around me hurts me
I wont give up

When you say I'm ugly
when you call me gay
when you insult me right to my face
I wont give up

When you try to break me
with all you might
When you say nonsense and try to start a fight
I wont give up

No, I wont give up

I realized something

No matter how many times

I try to fix everything

no matter how many times

I try to change who i am

monsters dont get happy endings

Hiding is easy
when you have been taught your entire life to shape shift
when you have learned the art of stealing identities
and when you mimic actions like a mirror  
these powers
make the art of turning invisible easy
and its not helping me
because to get help
you need to be seen

When I fall
I pull people down with me

When I break
The shards cut the people around me

When I get lost
I bring people into my labyrinth of life with me

I'm not stuck up
because im no longer speaking

I just dont want to make you feel that hurt I am feeling
because that is what happens
when people become friends with me

Sitting alone
Reflecting
Thinking about my life
My fight
I fight
everyday
of my life
is it worth it?
living to fight
I just don't see the light
at the end of this long tunnel
Then I found the fun of life
I realized the greatness of it all
life isn/t just a free fall
until we hit the bottom
its more like a roller coaster
with turns
and loops and screams and laughs
I wanna live
and laugh this is the only thing I have ever had
I have found the joy of life at last

Dont hate the player hate the game
fine then I'll stop playing

The real reason I don't go to the doctors about my mental health, is because I'm scared they will tell me nothing is wrong.

I can’t lose anymore
My heart can’t take being broken further
I am barely holding myself together
And i know how devastating  it is when my heart is torn

But I have a feeling the second time will be worse
Because I opened myself to **** I knew would hurt
Because I thought you loved me more then her
But now you can’t even mutter those three words

I feel my heart being torn
When I let my walls down so you could feel more
And told myself you deserved the love even if it made me hurt
But I never thought a day would come you wouldn’t want it anymore

I took the best parts of me and gave them to you
I offered my most precious memories
And displayed my most sacred thoughts too
But you didn’t want to hear anymore

As if The best parts of me
Still aren’t worth a second glance from you
And now I don’t know what to do

Because I can’t lose anymore
I know how devastating it will be when my heart is torn
I don’t wanna go on any further
Because then I won’t have **** to live for

I can’t lose anymore
I don’t know what I will do if I lose anymore

Dad
as anger radiates off you
like the heat of the ground
I freeze
your face is full of hatred
and pain
you come home from work
just to scream at me again
"CHLOE!" you scream
I just nod my head
wont speak
I'm to scared I will scream instead
"DID YOU LEAVE THIS MESS?"
I look around and realize it wastn me
I could be free
but i just nod again
I wont let my sister die inside like i already did
you move so slow to me
but your so fast and strong
you grip my under my arms
throw me up to the wall
scream at me for so long
dont cry stay strong
when your done you let me fall
the carpet catches me
bruises on my arm
I stand up before he can see the harm
but hes already gone
going downstairs to work
ignoring my mom
I wish i could save him
but hes to far gone

you're crippilingly insecure

behind a facade of control

you are as sad as you say
=
i hope you don't die

but you need to know that hate is not more powerful than love.

Last year my mom died
and it opened up my eyes
and I fell this burning inside for the man who killed her
What gave him the right
to take my mothers life
he doesn't have the authority to do that
who is going to teach me all those things
my mother was suppose to have taught
why does he get to choose if i have a mother or not
It was late at night
the man who killed her was texting 'I love you' to his wife
and when he looked down to text this to her
his car didn't even have time to swerve
and my mom was pushing me across the street
because our bible study ran late that week
and she saw the car coming fast
she didn't even have time to reflect her past
because as soon as she saw him
she pushed my stroller out of the way
and that is why my mom isn't here today

I went in headfirst, never thinking about who what I said hurt
In what verse, my mom probably got it the worst, the brunt of it
But as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far, "Cleaning Out My Closet"
And all them other songs, but regardless I don't hate you
Cause ma, you're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom
Though far be it for you to be too calm, our house was Vietnam
Desert Storm and both of us put together could form an atomic bomb
Equivalent to Chemical Warfare and forever we could drag this on and on
But, agree to disagree, that gift for me up under the Christmas tree
Don't mean nothing to me, you're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and
It's Christmas Eve, "Little *****, just leave," ma, let me grab my  coat
Anything to have each other's goats, why we always at each others throats
Especially when dad, he broke us both, we're in the same boat
You'd think that'd make us close, further away it drove us, but together
Headlights shine, and a car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried
The weight of the load, then Nate got taken away by the state at 8-years-old
And that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable
And to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
-Eminem

There was this girl that I once knew
she was happy
she would laugh at nothing
and she would laugh sincerly
and she always loved tickling
she would sit outside in the snow
just to watch the snow flakes fall
she didnt want to get away at all
she was happy

A girl that I once knew
was where she was meant to be
she was still in her element
she didnt want to be
anyone else
but she

A girl that I once knew
Had dreams
she would imagine the most amazing things
and actually had a couple happen and made people realize
she was amazing

A Girl that I once knew
use to stare back at me in the mirror
now all i can see
is her shaking her head disapointed in me
all i can feel is her gaze telling me im lost now
that im not anything

That girl that you once knew
Is no longer inside of me