I look inside and I see
Shards of glass buried deep
Slick and sharp, slicing me
When I breathe.

I can deal with pain that's
Forceful, full of feeling
But I don't do well with
Emptiness.

And having grown numb to
The razor blades within
The dark depths of my poor
Wounded soul,

I stabbed myself to rid
consuming vacancy.
But I failed to realize
It'd **** me.

We are the static on TV,
Wind howling through pipes,
Ice on the river,
Thick branches cracking.

We are the cold ocean at night,
Tightness in your chest,
Hail hitting the roof,
The empty silence.

"What happened to the other girl?"
I have become We.
"But where is she now?"
Still here; We are Her.

My insides have been ripped out
Entrails lying ****** on the floor.
Worthless, worthless, I know.
I've been immobilized,
Curled on my bed, hands raised to my head
Trying to block out the screaming;
My own or the voices?
I can't tell anymore.
We are One.

Everything I touch withers and dies,
And I was surprised I hadn't yet
Since I grip myself so tightly
In order to keep it together.
But now I know I'm Death itself.
Guilt is my burden to bear as
I watch the light fade from their eyes.
We are Death.

I dance around in my room for a bit
Waltzing with the bear
Mi abuelita lovingly sent me.
Pure white with a red
Bow and a smile as bright as Florida skies
On a summer's day,
I wrap its arms around me and pretend
It's enough comfort.

In my feverish state I find myself
Reaching out, trying to sew together
The past and future, the present with self.
Arms wrap around me although I can't tell
If they are his, my mom's, or even God's.
But does it really even matter when
They serve the same purpose and provide love?
Whispers in my mind, is that you conscience?
But the past is past and I'm far too sick
To motivate myself to do more harm.
There is pounding pressure behind my eyes
And dust mites turn into swirling snowflakes
That set me aflame when they make contact.
Time is meaningless in this rabbit hole
So I wander with Alice for a bit
Trusting the Cheshire Cat and Mad Hatter
To keep us safe along the way.
Soon that ends and I start choking on air
Dense with regrets, obligations, and fear.
There is no end to this ****** inferno.
I can only hope my mind fades to black
For a time before this repeats itself.

What happened to the cannon fire
And to the guns with bayonets?
What happened to the cavalry
And to the soldiers with straight backs?

What happened to the officer
Who had overseen their training?
What happened to the drummer boy
Who kept the troops marching steady?

The cannons changed into grenades
And guns became automatic.
Horses were traded in for tanks
And our soldiers came home a wreck.

The officer is dead and gone
Replaced by a carbon copy.
And what use is music to them?
All they can hear are hearts pounding.

War has changed in so many ways
But there are some things I still know:
Glory was never an aspect
Of it and neither was honor.

Instead war is comprised of blood,
Tears, fallen comrades and lost years.