I got locked out of the house today
While feeding my cat on the porch
In a bathrobe without my purse
No phone, no key, barefoot of course

So I sprinted to the driveway
Where my man was still backing out
Engrossed in checking his emails
He must have missed my screaming shout

Backed out all the way to the street
His eyes ahead in the early dawn
He didn't see my panicky dance
Off to work, in a flash, he was gone

Despite my last ditch effort
Racing after him down the street
He never looked back, not once
I was abandoned with ****** feet

It's only half past 7am
Time to problem-solve my way inside
Even though I had a ladder to climb
Every lock and bolt let all hope die

That day I spent on the patio
Long and hot it was to be sure
Feeling neglected and left behind
I cried a few tears in a blur

Then I did some overdue yard work
Drank out of the hose like my dog
Relaxed in the hammock instead of lunch
Dozed off in an afternoon fog

Till I found a book on reflexology
I'd been meaning to read for so long
Practiced a few techniques on my cat
And planned how I'd tell Bill he'd done me wrong

When night falls
In the desert
Wolves serenely serenade the moonlight

As always without you
I am a pile of withered ashes

Brokeness that can't heal
Not alone at least

As always I realize another mistake
Another flaw of mine

Another reason I have lost you
**** babe

I tried so hard not to love you
To not need you
To not miss you
But your soul
Has always been a part of mine
And even when others said you
Were completely insane
I said that your craziness was mine

**** sweetie pie
I freaking miss you
You were my best friend
And even though
You could forgive
You couldn't forget
And even though You didn't understand
You tried so hard to
And I think you knew
The contours of my soul
More than anyone ever will

Because ****** baby
You were my eclipse
Always passing through
Sometimes you'd brighten everything
Other times make it so dark
And every once in a while you
Would make it both
And it would be beautiful
We never worked
But we wanted to so badly
We fought for years
Until we quit

And I still miss your little scar
And your freckles
I miss your weird appetite
And I miss your fear
Of hugging me when I cried
I wish you were here
Because I'm a bigger mess without you

Some love stories aren't perfect
Some don't have a happy ending
I know ours didn't
But it was still amazing.

He was cruel
was old man Venn

He'd tie two cats' tails together tight
Hang them on the washing line
Stand there laughing
Watch them fight

Different folk, different times
different days back then
But he was cruel
Was old man Venn

Shout from the rooftops
those whispers in your ear
that schizos may speak
and their followers hear.

That nutcase Messiahs
and self-proclaimed Lords
may reign in the splendor
of ****** wards.

That demons be exorcised,
angels beheld,
and the Savior restore
what the Garden expelled.

That shepherds spin yarns,
flocks be well-fleeced
with no charlatan spared
from the reign of the beast.

Until virgins are satisfied
trimming their wicks,
and we see by that light
that we all need a fix.

Anger swims through my mind
doing the backstroke
around each opportunity
I have walked away from
due to my mental illness;
which has stripped me
of every chance I had
at becoming something more
than this.