You were my everything.
Everything that is  now nothing.
You were my every minute in every hour and I wanted to spend it all with you.
All of it just to be near you.
You were the "L" to my "ove"
The light to my sky
The diomond to my ring the voice that I sing
You
Were
Everything....
And I lost you...
All because of some stupid mistakes.
Some stupid mistakes that caused us to part are ways an now we don't even speak... Anymore.
The only word I SPEAK anymore is lonelyness and longing..
Longing for you to even care alittle bit.
Just enough to even look me in the eyes.
Just enough to remember how you and me used to be.
And I know you remember.
Because no matter how hard you try you can't erase me.
In every woman that you sleep with you'll remember me because you'll remember where I am suppost to be.
In every memory that you make I know you remember ours because you can't forget me.
I was your one and only
And you were and stil are all of mine.
Because you are my everything.
I used to say alittle time is all it takes.
Just a few nights with the girls is all I need.
But I still cry everytime I look in the mirror an only see me....
That empty space is where YOU are suppost to BE.
....but your not here and I'm here just trying to cover up all these tears from falling any closer to my chest making sure my parents don't hear because I want to look my best...
I know it's gotta be killing you because it's killing me.
If only it was. But it's not.
I hate that I love you.
I hate that every time I think, a thought always brings me back to you.
I hate that every time I dream your in it
Every time I make a memory you're not in it.
And everytime I want anything to do with you I can't be in it....
*******... Hopeless relationships.

I
Am
Me...
I'm just a normal girl.
Grew up realizing that love inst just given....
i knew by five years old that I'd have to fight for what i believe in.
realizing that abuse is so much more common..
this world is scary....
something happens when you realize no one can save you from falling away from who you are.
something happens after the first time you loose yourself.
something shifts, creating a shaking down to your emotions...
its so much more common for people to belittle you and hurt you.
shaking you like an abused dog and throwing your emotions to the ground.
there comes a day like today when you realize that everything thats worth it, must be fought for.
and ignore all the threats and curses that people throw at you and push through all the times that your left alone in a room full of people...unloved, untouched, broken, and shattered..
you finally realize you have to fight to be accepted..
that you have to fight to be loved...
that you must fight for it all.
yet of course, you wont leave without a few scars...
yet that's okay..
at least you got what was worth fighting for.

I waited for your call tonight
You said that you would ring
I have come to the conclusion
Your words don't mean a thing

I read through all your letters
With disappointment and contempt
It was then that I decided
To go to where they'd been sent

I knocked the door n waited
In the hope that you'd be there
Instead there stood a woman
With long blonde curly hair

I asked her who she was
She said she was your wife!
I felt  my whole world shatter
It pierced through me like a knife

100 miles of hell
As I made the journey home
I now know  that your a cheater
So leave me the hell
Alone !

You are my most violent Red
and I am your moodiest Gray.
We could paint the kitchen with my gloom,
smear your rage around each and every room
but who really has the time to remodel anyway?

"My dear what's wrong?"
Blink, shake my head,
Back to reality.
"Nothing." I mutter.

"Baby, what's with the frown?"

Slap a smile on,
"Hi how are you? Table for two?"
They go to their table and I'm back on my cloud.
I'm zoning out.

"What are you thinking about?"

I smile at the ground.
How many red bulls would it take to burst my little red ticker?

"Oh," Eyes still on the ground, "I'm just zoning out."

How long can I not eat for until my body hits the ground and I pass out?

"For the deck it's a twenty minute wait."
Smile.

Oh if they only knew what I was thinking about.

How long can I scratch my arm until I can pull out all the bad thoughts from under my skin?

How many cigarets do I need before I suffocate?

"Caroline, seriously what's wrong?"

Smile, "Truly I'm fine."
I look you in the eye until you believe my painted smile.

You don't care, I could slit my throat and yes you would be upset that you didn't help.
Maybe you would have cared more if you were to see new scars.
Maybe you wouldn't say you like me then not texts me back for a whole day,
Maybe you shouldn't stay over anymore,
Maybe you should stop saying you want to figure me out,
I told you I'm a waste of time, you'll never see what lies behind these eyes.
Trust me I have so much to give,
And for you,
You get none.
Until you kiss me
and I'm suddenly hungry.