Dreams always on the back burner
Friends always there
Family too close to care
I've always chased what I couldn't have
Always within reach
But missed by fingertip kisses
I've chased love and a relationship
Not Petty puppy love
But the real thing
Always chasing never chased
Even with her so close
Constantly too far
Am I making the right move
Trying to grasp something
I'm never meant to hold
I see my priorities
I have them accounted for
Yet what I've always wanted
Stays centimeters from me
Too far to chase
Too exciting to ignore
I always fall before I know the risk
My only reward another fracture in my soul
Stomach too twisted to care
Heart too cold to hold on
Am I just chasing shadows
Or is there a body
Casting the silhouette of my dreams
With her curls and fragile frame
Smile that echoes a thousand heartbeats
Eyes that fuel infernos
Too bright to not be afraid of
Her attitude too perfect not to adore
Maybe I'm not sane
Chasing what I know I can't have

Is it wrong
These feelings I feel
Hopelessly unreciprocated
Stuck in this black hole
Longing for your touch
On every heart string
Words I cling onto
Cliffs I scale every night
Before I dream of holding your hand
Is it delusional
How I think
Eventually there will be an us
I'm sorry I can't stop these feelings
I honestly don't want to
It's you I think of
Whether I'm with her
Or with another
I plaster your face on my eyelids
God's perfect sculpture
Ask me why I couldn't tell you
Every feeling I feel
Wrecking ***** to my chest
On every breath
If I died I want it carved on my headstone
The feelings I feel for you
My one desire
The bone chilling fire
That makes me wake up
When I know you're not around
Even in these messages
I pray to see you say hello in
Ask me why now
My answer remains the same
It's you I spend my life daydreaming about
The wind in your hair
Your eyes piercing my soul
The way you smell
Annihilating my senses
Overwhelming me with joy
Bc I'm that close to you
Is it wrong for me to feel this way
I don't care
I'd never want to be right if it was

Day in day out
Constant thumping in my chest
Headlights wrapped around the tree limbs
Of her well being
Is she happy
Does she miss me
She's all I think about
What steps do I take
To speed up this process
How do I convince a judge
What he/she is looking at
Isn't the monster they make me out to be
I'd never harm my daughter
Never issued I'll will against them
But every step is excruciating
Bc it puts me another week
Without her smile
Without her laugh
Without her hugs
I'm loosing faith
I'll ever see her again
But I keep preparing
Keep my head in the game
Knight to E4
This game of chess is brutal
Strategizing against lawyers
Decisions hardly my own
Why do they keep doing this
Petty notions just to see me behind bars
All I want is to see my daughter
Tickle her and Chase her around
Play hide and go seek
Peek-a-boo behind corners
Play tag till my feet hurt
She's all I think about
She's my daughter
And they robbed her from me
The only joy I had in this life
The only reason I kept breathing
Now oceans of bills
Unnecessarily weighing on me
Immature in all it's nature
This game they play isn't fair
It's emotional homicide
Using my daughter as the weapon
Knowing she's my only weakness
Yet I know she's my greatest strength

Count down begins
Will 3 walls of cement hold me
While the 4th only let's me ponder
On what's on the other side
Will the judges hammer
Find me innocent
To the slandering allegations
Or will I be trapped
Cage gerbil questioning my existence
Will I be free
To see my little girl
To talk to the best woman I've ever known
Feel the comfort of my own bed
Taste mom's home cooking
Smell the wild flowers
When I go 70 pass them
What will the outcome be
When the severity of it all
Is so overwhelming
You wonder what's the point of fighting
When all anyone sees
Is the tattoos and gauges
Criminal line up
Guilty before evidence denies
I'm the villian
Even if I was gone for the day

My heart grows weak
Mentality stronger
Knowing what I want
The consequences
Every decision brings
Bridges will burn
Staircases reach brick doorways
Life's a maze
Alternative routes
Backtracking a denied thought
Change
It's the thing we fear
Laughter at pain
Realizing the stupidity
In one action
Set free by another
One false move could be the last
But which ones
It's a dangerous game we play
Live love laugh cry regret
Dissolve when we close our eyes
Only thing they'll ever remember
Was the decisions
That changed you
Made you the person
You're still growing into
Toes to the water
Cannonballs just to live wild
What's the point of it all
Change is inevitable
But the memories
Are they worth it
Maybe if they're with the right one
Lessons are manufactured
Knowledge is implemented
Wisdom the reward
We offer the next generation

Ever growing agony
Twist and turns
Intestines sow themselves into
Weaving cobwebs in my stomach
Wrenching in despair
Knowing life is fleeting
The moments I was happiest
Torn paper documents
Shredded by lies
Little by little
I can feel death growing closer
Icy fingertips inching
Should I reach
Or pray my funeral doesn't see sunlight

No laughter
No pitter patter
Little feet running down halls
Playing tag
Counting to five
I feel the weight
Loneliness without her
Tsunami of sadness
Giggles with every tickle
Chuckles when Daddy dances dumbly
Peek-a-boo behind curtains
Hide and go seek
Jump startles when she's around the corner
Coloring crayons littering tile floors
Baby girl I can't wait
Finally be able to see you again
Tickle till you ***
Swing you around
Teach you to fly
Make you Mac and cheese
Chicken nuggies and peas
I miss you like crazy
Gentle hugs
Tiny hands wrapping around my neck
Blue eyes prettier than the ocean
When it kisses a bluer sky
Blowing kisses when I leave for work
Hating to say goodbye
Even if it's for 5 minutes
I miss you like crazy
High fives and E.T moments
Rocking you to sleep
Watching you grow with every passing second
I hate it has to be this way
Daddy's doing all he can
Just to make you smile
One more time
You'll never remember
I'll never remind you
A rough patch
We'll get through eventually
Even if it's not soon enough for me
I'll teach you the strength
To always keep moving forward
Leave no room for negativity
Till then
Star bright star light
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have this wish
I wish every night
For my little princess
To grow happy and healthy
Forever and always