Should have died
Never will believe in god
**** society
Emotions truly make you weak
Should have died
I'm pathetic
What the **** is there for me
A world with me in its crosshairs
Should have died
19 years held onto my self loathing
I'm holding too many secrets
Should have died
Wish I would have
Why do they torment me
Should have died
Listening to these voices
I'm fighting a losing battle
Should have died
**** it
I'll do it
I'll leave this world
With out a tear
Without a single thought
I'm as useless as thirty year old milk

I don't think you tried hard enough
Celebrating lonely nights
You could have had another
Random 2 hour conversation
If you had just picked up the phone
All you had to do was call
Talk to me
But you didn't
And all this is
Is back and forth
I don't believe your feelings
And I don't know my own
The world can watch all they want
You could shout from the mountains
And I still don't think I'd believe you
You'll probably always be another ****** bag
A little more than a little
And the fall in love part
I don't think happened
Don't know if it ever will
But good luck changing
Trying to be a man
A woman would be proud to love
You're probably going to need it
But so what if I'm stubborn
It makes me less likely to get hurt again
And all this back and forth
Ought to tell you
That you don't be me that well
So you can't tell me
You know what I feel

I can tell I'm not getting anywhere
I know I don't know how you feel
I just hope you remember that poem
That one that was only for your eyes
That only you and me ever knew about
I meant every word
Surely you forgot
I'm only ******* you off
Sometimes you have to know when to bail
I'm ejecting
Aborting this mission
But ill never stop feeling this way
I know how I feel is true
I wish I knew what to do
Knew where to go from here
Because its easy to see
You want nothing to do with me anymore
Maybe all the idea of an us was
Was a hallucination
Compiled by the frailty of my eager heart
To find someone that didn't fall for me
But simply just liked me for who and what
I was already
Nothing

I called you because you didn't
Though you said you would
I was waiting
Happy as can be
Excited to talk to you again
Mad because you forgot
You forgot and didn't call
Had a drink instead
That hurt more than
Anything had in a whIle
I realized how ridiculous I was
To be your valentine
To let you in my heart in any way
Not that it matters anymore
Doesn't matter I thought
It could have been good for us
To have someone else
That I didn't care about
How messed up you were
It never mattered to me
All that mattered
Was the potential I saw in you
But it doesn't matter now

You're right
Apologies are too late
What makes you think
You can just cone back like this
I remember it alright
If I had it
It'd be smoldering ashes
I don't play around
You messed up
You lied
You don't love me
You don't treat someone you love
The way you treated me
I wish I had never found your poems
Never started reading
But not always
Just when I'm angry
And it's been a while
I almost forgot
Remembered you for a second
Tried to tell you I trended
Hot dog I trended
And I remembered
Being so excited to tell you
I was so ridiculous
You were just that guy
Who wrote me love poems
A long time ago
I used to want to say
**Hey. I miss you

I knew I ****** up
I tried to make things better
I drew us a picture
Wanted to send it to you
I had a drink to celebrate
Celebrate another lonely valentine
Fell asleep
And you called
I miss our 2 hour conversations
Just rambling about nothing
Where every now and then I got the chance to say
I love you
I know it seems like nothing now
But if we still didn't have feelings for each other
We wouldn't be writing to each other
With an entire world watching
I'll never stop proclaiming I love you
No matter how many times you say it doesn't matter
Or that I'm lying
I'll never cease fire my emotions for you
I'll never let them dwindle
I'll only take a step back
Evaluate my own imperfections
Because I dont want to be another ****** bag
You fell in love with
I wanted to be a man you could have pride in loving
A man that could take care of you
Even when you don't want me to
I know your bull headed and stubborn
I know you love your independence
Yet I know you found comfort
When I said I love you

You act as if I meant to do it
I remember when you called
I just had a beer
Fell asleep in the recliner
Couldn't hear who it was and hung up
You called back
******* me out for 5 seconds
But quickly turned to joy
I knew you were great
I never lied
I do love you
Why do you think I wrote a farewell letter
I wasn't good enough for you and never will be
I'm the **** of the earth
A heathen picking up crumbs
I remember that call
I remember I sat on the hood of my truck
Asked you to be my valentines
Because we both didn't have one
I wrote you a poem even though it wasn't my best
I tried to convince myself
The greatest lie I ever told myself
Was that maybe we could work
Maybe I did find that special someone
That missing puzzle piece
To this jumbled up brain
I'll say it over and over
Even when you refuse to listen
Hey, I really do miss you
I'll always love you
No matter how many times you say I'm lying