Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear Mystery
Happy Birthday to me
Finally turned eighteen
Let's light some candles
And I'll make a wish
On the count of three
One...
Two.....
Three...
*I wish I had never been born

It's been awhile
I probably shouldn't say this
But hey
I know I wasn't much of a person
That could really be trusted and I'm sorry
I know apologies are too late
And all those poem I wrote to you
I still mean them
You were and still am on my mind
You know I have many talents
Writing and drawing
Remember that drawing I drew for us
I still have it
Still cherish it with infinite lust
To hear your voice again
To hear you say I'm lying when i said
I love you
I know I'm still a nobody
Life seems lost
And I dont want a sympathy party thrown
Or you thinking I'm trying to find myself
My torch went out went I let you go
When I failed to realize the greatest thing
In my life in my world
Was always on the other side of my phone
I wish I could make it all better
I wish sorry had value
I wish I never introduced myself
And brought my own chaos
Stampede through your chest
I'm a ****** person
I deserve to live with this guilt
With this pain
But I know eventually you'll forget
Who I was in your life
I'll become some guy you talked to
Some guy who said he loves you
Still knows your true identity
And will never forget
How I destroyed something perfect
I know you still resent me
Still have those built up homicide thoughts
Wanting to rip my chest open
Feed me my own intestines
I'm probably off base but it doesn't matter
I wish I had the proper words to say
But all I can say is...
Hey. I miss you.

I can taste it on your lips
The last cigarette you smoked
The last drink you downed
The last blunt you hit
I can see it in your eyes
The lies and betrayals
You've deceived over and over
But always use the same tricks
Tell her you've fallen
Make her fall
But it's all lies
Next thing you know
You're on to the next
The last left confused

I run through the days
Or do they run through me
How am I?
Fine. How are you?
Monotone
Going through the motions
Lifeless robot
Being controlled by someone
Outside of my own being
How long have I been like this?
Seems like I always was
And always will be
No control of anything
No control of me
Systems do it for me
I'm stuck on autopilot

A shot of Jack
Hint of death
Pinch of wrist cutting
Sprinkle of suicidal thoughts
Dash of anger too
You call it
The cocktail of chaos
Doesn't sound too good for you
But you say it's perfect for you
Even if you die in the end
But every life is valuable
You're alive for a reason
You say your reason died
A long time ago
But I believe you
Can do amazing things
Create beautiful art
With the words you speak

Don't believe me
I'll lie to you
Make you fall in love
Wrap you around my fingers
As if you're just a toy
You'll never be appreciated
Just mistreated and abused
Killed with kindness
Tortured with the sweet words
Deeper and deeper you'll fall
Until the day comes that I end it
Hoping to crush you with the pain

Sometimes I am absolutely nothing
It's like I'm invisible
My words don't come out very clear
Or at all
Other times I am everything
You give me every ounce
Of love and attention your body can muster
I'm so confused by you
Sometimes you're great, wonderful
I feel the love pouring out of you
Every drop absorbed into my skin
Soaking through the walls I had built
Other times you are tough
Guarded by a million walls
Surrounded and I can't get through to you
Ignored and pushed away
I can't live like this
Feeling like I'll never break open the walls
Never truly being part of your life
Just an in and out temporary fixture