I wasn't born handsome
Clever or smart.
I have a mean streak
Some say I have no heart.
My Ex Wife says I'm moody
My mood changes daily.
Sometimes I'm not right in the head
Man I'm just crazy.
My Ex thinks I'm nuts
She says I'm mentally unstable.
I was a terrible husband
But as a father
She said I was more than able.
Our breakup brought out harsh feelings
We argue, fuss & fight.
Being married was hell
But being a father felt so right.
I love my children
For them I was ALWAYS there.
They knew from the depths of their hearts
That their Daddy really cares.
Walked them to & from school
They were with me all the time.
I am so proud of my children
I am so BLESSED that they are mine.
I am not in their lives right now
Because of my past mistakes.
This separation from them is painful
The worst kind of heartache.
God I'm begging you
Please let me be in their life.
Make things better
Between me & my Ex Wife.
My children are the best thing
You ever gave me.
They are my link to you
Yours & their Love
Is the only thing that can save me.
I'm miserable all the time
I feel pain deep in my soul.
I cry all the time
I've lost total control.
God please hear my pleas
My soul is crying out.
Everything is taken from me
But my children I can't live without.
If this is how it's going to be
Lord take me today.
If my kids are gone from me
I don't want to live anyway.
*God Please Let Me Be A Father

What is wrong with me
Why am I this way?
Why do have to deal
With this struggle every phuckin' day?
I try to take my mind off of things
Without the use of alcohol or drugs.
But my inner voices tell me
I'm useless & unloved.
They tell me I'm a ***** up
They tell me I'm no good.
They tell me I'm incapable of doing better
There's no way I could.
What they tell me must be truthful
Because that's how I feel.
The voices tell me the truth
They like to "keep it real"
They speak to me at night
That's why I rarely sleep.
They tell me I'm not strong
So they render me weak.
They make me go look in the mirror
& it's my reflection I'm hating.
I live a life of self-loathing
& self-deficating.
I've learned to hate myself
The voices made me see the light.
I've given into my voices
I believe they are right.
I believe what they say about me
They know best it seems.
The voices stripped away my pride
& destroyed my self-esteem.
I think what my voice tell me
Leaves me emotionally & mentally spent.
These voice must be my only friends
Because they listen when I vent.
They listen when no one else does
They give me their undivided attention.
They keep my inner secrets well
To no one else they will mention.
They show me how to hide the pain
They show me how to conceal it.
But when my voices & I are alone
They **** sure make me feel it.
The voices make me feel as if I'm nothing
As if my life is a waste of time.
They say it so much
That it's tattooed on my mind.
They're right, I'm worthless
Taking up precious space.
The world would be a better place
If I were erased.
*voices you are right

I'm going to stop running from you
I'll no longer retreat.
I'll listen more intently
To your commands, when you speak.
If this it what it takes for this pain
To be released.
I'll listen to what you're saying
So I could achieve some inner peace.
My life is a mess
I can't take this pain no longer.
I lost my beautiful children
& my perfect wife, because I wronged her.
I lost my self respect
I no longer care.
I don't laugh or smile anymore
I live in despair.
My days are filled with loneliness
At night I don't sleep.
The only thing I have is these voices
So I listen to them speak.
When everyone else has left me
The voices still remain.
The voices understand me
They know my inner pain.
They harp on my mistakes
They **** my self esteem.
They remind me of my shortcomings
They invade my thoughts & dreams.
They mentally break me down
They tell me I'm no good.
They tell me suicide is the answer
They made me believe that I should.
These voice are loud
They're boisterous & strong.
I given into them now
I just hope they aren't wrong.
I pray voices that what
You want me to do
Really isn't a sin.
Because I'm going to do what you want
Voices................you win!

I remember waiting to watch Wide World Of Sports
One Saturday afternoon.
Hoping & praying that the show
Would start soon.
Just waiting to see
Muhammad Ali
Next to my father
That man was everything to me.
He was quick on his feet
His poems made me smile.
He made a brutal sport look cool
& he did it with style.
He said things to Howard Cosell
That were witty & outrageous.
He faced the best of his era
He was so courageous.

I remember watching
The Jackson Five cartoon show.
Every Saturday morning.
I lived vicariously through Michael
Because quite frankly
My life was so boring.
I grew up listening to his music
His music is the soundtrack of my life.
"Lady In My Life" was playing
The first time I saw my wife.

I remember my first Prince album
"Soft & Wet" was my jam.
People called the brother weird
But I didn't give a ****.
"Purple Rain" was a great movie
I can recite that movie's every line.
I think "Sign Of The Times"
Is the greatest album of all times.

To lose these three greats
Is a really a shame.
Muhammad, Michael & Prince
I will never forget their names.
They were a part of my childhood
I truly feel their loss.
It makes me sad inside
Because my childhood is lost.

When a relationship ends
There are five stages of grief.
Once you go through them
Your heart will find relief.
So please listen to what
I had to go through.
Maybe it'll help you
If you go through this too.
The first stage was
"Disbelief & Shock"
That's when the pain starts
& you want it to stop.
The second stage is "Denial"
This is the most difficult one.
Because you don't want to believe
That your relationship is done.
The third stage is "Anger"
This one messes with your heart.
You'll want to lash out at the world
Because your heart's torn all apart.
The four stage is "Depression"
This stage is really bad
You'll go through so many emotions
But mostly you're very mad or sad.
You'd start healing after this stage
Of course.
You'd be sad that it's over
& dread the end or divorce.
The fifth stage is
"Acceptance & Hope"
You'll see the light at the end of the tunnel
& you'll be able to cope.
You'll begin to cope
& live with the fact
That your relationship is over
& they're not coming back.
I went through these things
& I feel a little better.
I want to live again
I need to get it together.
I just hope now
That peace will find me.
So I could put all of this craziness
Behind me.
I do wish her well
& I Love Her still.
But I gotta get myself together
Because I know it's God's will.
Stage Five puts me in a better place
I hope it gives me the peace for what I strive.
Now I'm ready to live again
I want to be alive.

She loved to go out
I loved to stay in.
She loved to live free
I wanted to see what game was playing.
Even With Colgate
We had different tastes.
She'd prefer Gel.
I'd prefer Paste.
She loved to take long drives
I worried about the gas.
She wanted to eat out
But I always passed.
She loves to laugh
I kept a scowl on my face.
She likes to savor things
I acted like life was a race.
She is optimistic
I always think the worst.
She is patient
I like to be first.
She loves affection
I didn't want to be touched.
She likes to make love
I just wanted to *****.
She gave people trust
I kept them an arm's length from me.
She loves all people
Me I'm not so friendly.
She read The Bible
I read Urban Fiction.
She was attentive
While I never listened.
Life never got her down
Me I just worried.
She took her time
While I always hurried.
She loved to go to Vegas
I worried about the cost.
She wanted me to take the lead
I didn't want to be the boss.
She loves to go to church
I always stayed away.
She'd beg me to go
"I'm busy" I'd say.
She liked to go shopping
I didn't go, she went alone.
I'd rather be chilling
Right here at home.
She loved to hang out with her sisters
She loves her family.
I'm not close to my fam
So it didn't bother me.
She loves her family
She feels the need to protect them
I told her I couldn't stand them anyway
So I rejected them.
She wanted to hug
But I just sat in my blue recliner.
Now I'm looking for her
Now I can't find her.
I guess our differences
Were too great & wide.
I should've done more
I really should've tried.
Our differences made her leave
Man, this ain't no joke.
When you love someone
Make sure that you're Equally Yoked.

I stopped crying for a woman
Who doesn't want me anymore.
I stopped trying to make sense
Of a love that was no more.
I stopped trying to make that woman
Know how much I hurt.
I stopped worrying about a lost love
& put my feelings first.
I stopped thinking about her
& wondering how she's doing.
This obsession I was having
Was causing my life to be in ruins.
I stopped thinking about her new love
Was he better than me?
The more I thought about it
It caused me so much misery.
I stopped looking at her pictures
But ****, she's so fine.
It just messed with my sanity
My life was no longer mine.
I stopped calling & texting
No kind of contact.
I need to get her out of my head
I want my life back.
I stopped writing all of these love poems
That were all about her
People said I was "PuxXxy Whipped"
They're right, I concur.
I stopped chasing after her
& begging to talk to her .
It just made me look foolish
Like some deranged stalker.
I stopped lying in bed
Because all I did was cry & weep.
I couldn't take it no more
& I was losing too much sleep.
I stopped worrying & praying
That we'd get back together.
I'll just put her, in the back of my mind
& try to forget her.
I Stopped!
I Stopped!
I Stopped!
Now it's time to START...........living again.