sometimes when
i listen to love songs
i think of you




okay i lied

i always think of you

i used to be the girl with brown hair

i smiled a lot
i mean, why not?
that's what i thought.

i used to be the girl with blonde hair

blondes have more fun
everyday i got my nails done
and always felt like i won

i used to be the girl with black hair

i started feeling sad
for some reason my thoughts became bad
and i missed the old feelings i had

i used to be the girl with brown hair

i changed it back
no longer blonde or black
but happiness, i still lack

i am the girl with purple hair

when people see me they stare
they think i did it on a dare
they don't know how rare
happiness is for me, they can't compare
all they see is my purple hair

i found a penny on the ground
yesterday at eight.
the night was quiet, no sound
as i took the bait.

i picked it up and said
"it must be my lucky day"
the confidence got to my head
as i went on my way.

i saw that boy, my crush
and he looked at me and waved.
i felt my cheeks start to blush
and that moment i saved.

i got home and saw my test
was finally graded online
i looked and saw i did the best
i had ever done. the "a" was all mine.

my friend called to tell me
she got tickets to my favorite band.
i smiled and screamed with glee.
then giggled and covered my mouth with my hand.

i couldn't believe what my lucky penny did for me.
a good day like this was so rare.
i was surprised when i checked my pocket to see
the penny was never there.

i think its pretty funny
how the poems i hate the
most
are usually the ones that
succeed the most.

i want the ability
to say things that are on my mind.
not just random thoughts or small talk.
i want to say the things that i actually think about.

i want to be able to say how i'm scared
that i'm going insane and i don't even
know it, but even if i did, there is nothing i
could do to stop it.

i want to be able to say how i don't believe
that eternal love exists because no matter
what, there will be a point where you are
torn apart by the things that brought you together.

i want to say that sometimes i cry because i feel
so lost all the time and i don't feel like anyone
can understand that the way i do, because i just
feel alone all the time.

i want to say i think it's ******* that we have to
spend so much of the little time we have
doing things that we hate and the only
response to that is "that's how the world works."

i want to be able to say that my family is
falling apart and that is tearing me apart and it
drives me insane that the rest of the world can go on
exactly the same while my world falls apart.

i want to say how i feel about people.
how i really feel. no *******. just honesty
and have them say how they feel about
me so i don't have to always wonder.

i want to say that i wish i was in love.
that i wish i wasn't scared to fall in love and let
someone in and scare them away by these
thoughts that control my mind.

i want to be able to say all of this
instead of having to write all of it
down in a poem that no one will
ever know about.

i'm trying to better myself.
sometimes it makes me feel great.
i think of all the things i'm going
to accomplish and do to make
me a better version of me.

but other times i get really down
and i can't find the motivation to
do anything. anything at all.
i feel useless and sad and dumb.
and i start from square one
all over again.