"Hello Edward.How's tricks?"


"Can't complain Mike.
I see your boy's been courting young Emily,
good for him."


"Yes, he makes me very proud.
Only last night I caught him washing his trunk
in the kitchen sink whilst singing
love songs about her".


"Aw, how sweet.
Her old man's a bit of a ****, though.
I heard he was knocking off a cow from the circus.
Filthy ******* can't keep it in his pants."


"Yes, Billy is a disgrace to all bulls.
Mind you,
with a four foot **** swinging about,
I guess you've  got to do something with it."


"Haha, yea, I guess so.
His missus is so sweet, though, it's not right."


"Barbara's a lovely cow, my childhood sweetheart she was."


"No ****? I didn't know that, Mike.
Ever thought about dropping her a length?"


"Edward, I'm a respectable member of the herd.
Besides, I love my wife.
No, I get satisfaction in life just knowing I have a great family
and a herd of true friends.
I don't need any distractions to ruin it all."


"Yea. I guess, you're right. I might have a bash though,
I ain't filled my boots in weeks."


"Just treat her kind."


"Yea no worries. Laters Mike."


"Yes, bye Edward."

'Hello Ted, me 'ol mucker'

'Oh...yea…alright Bruce'

'What's up with you?'

'I caught Sophie last night,
you know...'

'What?'

'She's having it away with Guy the Gorilla'

'Jesus,
he must have split her in two.
Saying that,
she does have a wizard's sleeve'

'You what?
what the **** did you just say?'

'C'mon Ted,
don't play innocent.
She's a bit of a goer is Sophie,
a right old ****'

'I don't believe this.
Have you been knocking her off as well?'

'Yea,
a couple of times,
just casual like.
What can I say?
She wiggled her **** in my face
and let one go.
How could I refuse?'

'Ok,
well yea she does have a sweet aroma
but still,
you're meant to be my mate,
what a ***** you are, Bruce'

'Calm down Ted,
look,
I'll set you up with a
chimp *****, I know'

'Really?
What's she like?'

'Tight as a keyhole and up for anything.
Only last week we played
Hide The Banana'

'Sounds **** as hell, Bruce,
yea mate alright,
I'll give her a go'

'Attaboy,
you know it makes sense'

'Cheers Bruce,
Sophie can go **** herself'

'Or any other ape,
eh, Ted!?
Hahaha'

'You ******'

You alright Bert?

Yea, not too bad,
how's it hanging, Max?

Well I had a rough night,
what with my owners at it like rabbits 'til morning
and the cat ******* in my basket

****,
what a ******

innit,
it's OK though
cos I dropped a **** in her litter tray
'try covering that log up you filthy *****'

nice one,
'ere I had a massive dump myself earlier,
the old girl I live with was well annoyed with me,
of course, I looked at her all remorseful like
and did the head tilt thing

did she fall for it, Bert?

Yea,
***** cow,
she even gave me a treat,
humans eh?
Gullible *****

you got that right Bert

Flesh filled visions
brains burnt out
pariah desire disease
punctured heart
shifted gaze
inconsolable disbelief

(a poem in Haiku and Senryu)

Draw a stick figure
future - diminished
and chaos ransomed.

Paint the landscape
with the sweltering glare
of global warming.

Add micro-plastic
and forever chemical
flavorings to taste.

Come share this
with me - let kisses heal and
soft whispers inflame.

Some locks need two keys
to open, some heavens can
be reached by mortals.
.
.
A song for this:
All Gone Away by The Style Council

When the sun comes rising up
On a brand new day

When shooting stars score the sky
And quickly fade away

When lark ascends in the fields
Flying high and free

When robin sings his little song...
Spare a thought for me


When the oak in springtime rain
Wakens from the dead

When the sun behind the wood
Glows a winter red

When starlings race and fall to roost
Then chatter in the cover

Think of me even if...
Your hand is in another