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it’s one of those mornings
where I just want to run,
mama.

I get up, only to
brush my teeth,
comb the knots out of my hair,
and put on dainty heels
(to make dainty gestures
to important men
in business apparel)
and spend eight hours
using my false eyelashes,
bright voice,
and candied lips
to appease the disgruntled populace.

my inner goddess flails her arms
recklessly, bruising my heart,
my lungs,
my stomach,
my soul,
her cage.
every day
I hear her sobs
emanating from my core.

is this what you raised me to be, mama?
a little bit of a
slave to the system
and sucker for the city?

if I were to throw it all away,
what would they call me?
what would they do to me,
were I to abandon
my heels for bare feet
melting into the damp Earth?

like some ancient character
in a brilliant mythology
I want to let it all burn
just to rise from the ashes
all over again.
there's one thing I will never forget,
when a man tells you things like
"I like good clothes, fast cars,
whiskey,
and you."
run as far as your heels will take you,
hell,
take the first train to
some city in the middle of nowhere
shed your fur coat and fishnets
for some red flannel and boots.
there is nothing more dangerous
than the fancy of a man.

my mother always told me that,
when she'd brush out my taut blonde curls
into thin, sleek waves.
she brushed my hair that way until
my ******* grew humble and my legs
felt more like fins, slicing through the cold winters
and hot summers like a pair of scissor blades
dancing on the wind,
like my growing dreams, as a poet, an old soul, and a woman.

I remember the first time I tasted sin
was in the back of that old bar in Arkansas
taking shots of whiskey and dancing
in the hot moonlight
my summer dress slipped off as we fell
off the dock
two bodies fumbling through the folds
of icy water, your hands pressing mine into your stomach, screaming
crisply through the dark of night
"can you feel the beating of my heart?"

mama took me to church and washed your name out of my mouth
with song and scripture, tied me to the altar
and wouldn't let me run.
now I'm always running, running from her, running to you,
my legs more like fins, once again
slicing through hotel sheets, hot baths, and
my dreams, lord, my dreams
simply aged nightmares
those complex beasts await me here
one more whiskey, love,
and I swear
I will find you.
Heavy breath, light
spirits
        as if my mind has at last
recognized the implications of not
   moving
           and decided to love and
                        love again.
Strung out.
used.
forgotten.
There is something about the way you told me I would be yours forever,
that made me believe you.
Something hidden inside of the smile I loved.
Something undescribable.
Inviting me into my doom.
You quickly flipped the script and I was alone.
Not that you didnt like me, you said.
But that you werent ready to invest.
Invest?
Invest?!
Tell me you werent ready to invest..
Thats how a relationship starts.
That is what a relationship is.
Im so confused.
You know you didnt want to invest in me.
So why should I invest my time into writing this about you.
Hurt speaks in many ways.
But I invest my pain into poetry.
So insensitively you drain and ***** me
taking blood samples and injecting the chills
enstilling no trust right before you ******
foreign objects into my gut
I didnt ask for you nor did you ask for me
and with a situation that should be full of understanding
we just cant seem to meet eye to eye
you are the arrogant judgemental kind
and me I'm just a piece of paper
full of ineligible lines
I hate doctors or most I should say
I come in always in the worst of situations
For them its everyday
and the longer they're with it
the less humane they seem
I dream of a world full of humility
while I crumble
traumatised in hospital sheets
Animal instincts drive a man in
To a sweet smell, that of a *****
Siren is her sister, voice like an angel
Do not let her catch thee, thy soul will she mangle
Hair akin to silk, masking the snakes
Swallow thee they will, within their wake
Hands so gentle, look close they are talons
She is able to rip thee to shreds like a falcon
Eyes deep like the ocean, easy to get lost in
Careful, thou wilt drown whilst trying to swim
Lips of ecstasy, taste like a love potion
Oh no friend, that which thou art tasting is poison
Skin so soft, upon her lovely chest thy wish to dwell
Not realizing milky skin encompasses a hollow shell
Do not claim I hath not warned thee, friend
I wish thee luck, beyond *****'s will might thou transcend
Unsure what inspired this one. A bit bored. I always loved Sirens, painting them and obsessing over them as a child. Constructive criticism welcomed.
"You're cold."

  He said as he took her hands and he couldn't be more right and wrong at the same time. Her gaze simply fell to her feet as she let the silence envelop her. She felt cold, her soul quivering somewhere in the corner of her heart, obscuring its rhythmic beat and creating a swell of off tempo chaos in her veins. Her memory of his whispers were akin to the sudden rush of wind that hit her skin, wet with the storm of tears and caused chills to cascade their way across her body.
  
  But he was wrong, it wasn't she who was cold, it was him who was stealing everything that made her warm. Coaxing her with his silver tongue, murmuring the words he knows she wants to hear, testing his skill and bringing her to the edge of the flimsy fortress she calls defense, to where she's just barely out of his reach, a paper thin wall separating his will from hers, and he nearly giggles in delight when he causes her to tear it down herself, like a spider tearing down its own web.
  
  But of course that isn't enough, not when she's standing there, all walls down, vulnerable and tender, her heart so soft he could cut right through it with just his fingernails, and Hell be ****** itself if he wasn't the slightest bit temped to try because he knows how easily he can, like shoving a pin through a butterfly, simple and smooth, and it'd be so interesting to see her squirm. But instead he's interested in how far he can cause her to do it to herself.  
  
  All he has to do is let a few of his venomous words drip from his teeth, promising he isn't like everyone else (because he isn't of course, no one else would be this thrilled to watch her crumble so slowly ), that he understands, understands that she's so incredibly weak, and that her heart is so big it oozes to the surface of her skin for everyone to see, and it's so **** easy that she must be begging for it, and suddenly he's caught her and he loves it.
  
  She's hanging on every word as if he's holding happiness over her head, but this is boring him, he wants to see what makes her tick, how she is the way she is, so it's time to step up his game. He moves his hand from hers and slides it up her arm, resting ever so gently on her shoulder as his other hand moves to her waist, and as if to further prove his point about how she basically wears her heart as her skin it turns a rosy shade of pink, and sends its pulse so strongly he can feel it. He lets his breath ghost across her susceptible ears and pulls her against him as he gives his orders.

"Strip."
  
And she does.

First go the clothes, but her skin isn't what he's interested in, and he makes it very clear with the expecting look he gives her, so she goes again,tearing skin from muscle one piece as a time. He knows it must be painful, from the tears pouring from her eyes and how the exposed muscle throbs with its raw appearance, and yet the look of concentration on her face just pulls him in more, and yet it still just isn't enough, and finally that red disgusting throbbing ****** mess is pulled away to expose her shining ivory bones. He can't help but marvel in how gracefully they curve, the very core of her frame standing before him, she's completely bare with nothing left to expose, and that gorgeous  pearly figure before him is only more defined by the red  heart that's left behind those ribs, as it pulses and drips and beckons him with each flutter.
  
  It glistens like a slimy rotting apple, and it couldn't be anything more since it belongs to her. But you know what they say, fruit is always the sweetest just before it goes bad, and it's too tempting for him to not take a bite. And he couldn't help but marvel at how warm it was, or the sudden chills dancing down his spine.
Silently and scrupulously looking at my dad for a minute, I asked,
"What is it like to get old?"
He turned his attention away from the computer screen
Met my gaze
Took a deep breath in, and began,

"You don't realize just how fast life goes by, until it's gone.
One day, you look in the mirror, and realize that twenty years have gone by.
It's a different person in the mirror than what you expected.
Some days, I look at your mother
And it feels like I've only known her for a few months.
Other days I look at her, and she's just so different from the woman I met.
We've grown and changed so much together.
I am, to this day, learning new things about her,
And all of them make me love her more.
Yeah, she can't cook for ****, and she talks in tangential circles
Which I just can't keep up with.
But since day one I was smitten with her.
And to this day I'm surprised that she actually chose
To spend the rest of her life with me.
Getting old with the right person makes getting old bearable."
Whenever somebody would ask my mother how her day was, she would respond,
"Getting better, just like fine wine."
Now I know why.
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