and I want to feel your lips on mine; they're so divine, *so divine

and yet somehow, I still feel powerful.

Oh yes, because your kind of trying was pushing me away and making me feel like ****.

Yep, that's trying.

and everything feels completely pointless, but everything's fine, I promise.

And it is always when I doubt you that I feel your presence wash over me like a wave upon a shoreline.

and with you, the world stops, but I can't stop. *I can't stop.

they are all convinced that you want me
but i am just convinced that i deserve to be alone

You dug my grave and buried me alive, do you realize that?

i keep myself constantly busy in fear that if I'm not, then my mind will wander till it gets back to thinking about you

I love you.

when you kissed me it was like i could breathe a bit easier again

i might be able to see the way the sun graces your face in the wee morning hours and that makes me want to breathe again

I love you, but I'm not in love with you. **There is a difference.

and I sure as hell love midnight thoughts sometimes, because they can be so **** enticing.

I guess heartbreak is good for the abs.

It's just another low again, I promise I'll be fine.
Hopefully I'll swallow the right amount of pills this time.

Hold me with your words around my neck
Choke me with your lips and the poison kisses you'll give me
Let me taste fire and let my insides burn with
Only ashes left behind
And don't leave any evidence for them to find.

and I fell into her arms and wept, but not for long. There was too much to laugh about before she was gone.

eating would be easier if it didn't make me sick

Can you feel it too?

he said i melted in his arms
and i said "no, not a chance"
so he grinned and said
"oh? you don't believe me?"
and he did it
again.

she needs tenderness and love, why can't you see that?

It's okay though, we didn't get to do a lot of things.

i almost cried earlier because
for some **** reason,
church reminds me of
all the bad things that have
ever happened to me.

is that normal?

i thought church was
supposed to lift you up
because God loves you,
right?

i know he does...
but why do i constantly
need a reminder that i am
not worthy of such love?

i am reading about black holes
and how they are a possibility to
explore another dimension
or to use them to travel in time.
but, all i can think about
is the black hole i call my heart.
i found God through a shooting star,
but what about now?
my eyes can see clearer than they ever could,
and i am scared to know that maybe
when i look into your eyes on Monday
that i wasn't ever in love with you.
i have never doubted in a day
that i have never loved you.
but, the thought is too much to bear now.
i saw the sun but couldnt see the pain
i was blinded by the hurt
and tortured by the pain
and dear, dear God,
i am so scared
because if it is all fiction then
i do not ever think
i will be able to forgive myself nor
the black hole i call my heart.

Maybe it's another high, or maybe it's a realization. But whatever it is, i like it.

Suddenly I want to die.
my lips are burning,
my ******* are aching,
my stomach is caving in,
my hip bones are bleeding,
my back is breaking,
and inbetween my thighs
I am crying.
I don't want to know why I feel this way,
I just know I want it to go away.

I don't think real love could be phased that easily; it wouldn't be able to get taken off of the pedestal without a fight.

i think I'm starting to figure myself out again

i just want to dance with you, my dear.

you're burning me to my core
i don't think i can take it anymore

you've broken another promise,
but i guess it wasn't important enough to keep it
once again.
guess i wasn't important enough,
huh?

and the only thing I ever should've bought you was a tombstone and a place 6 feet under.

and I wish that I could say that seeing that bothered me, but I guess I'm just too occupied with other things...other people.

is it a coincidence?

I'd be lying if I said I dream at night anymore. There seems to be nothing worth dreaming about anymore, not even California. So I just lay there until my breathing slows and I eventually tire from my own restless mind.

what would relapsing accomplish? why do I even feel like this right now?

i am so glad that he doesn't understand, for i'd give anything to not want to die all of the time.

I want to know many people, but I only want to understand few.

Death to me is a scary but
normal thought in my head.
I feel unreal when someone
mentions that I will not be
alive in a billion years when
so many things could be
happening.

Death is unreal to me.
When someone I know dies it
differs in my brain as to
how I react.
Sometimes I will do nothing for
days on end and I'll just sit
in my sadness and tell myself
that the world has ended.
Other times I go on like
nothing is wrong.

My panic attacks usually
set in when I think things are
getting good again.
I feel lost and unreal
and I start to panic
in many, many ways.

Is that music is my head or
actual music playing?
Is someone talking?
Where? Aren't I alone?
My vision is blurry
my heart is racing
my mind is going
i   n   s    a    n     e.

Sometimes it is a bit worse.
I start attacking my heart.
The things I love= gone.
None of it matter.
She never loved you
What do you mean?
Your family hates you
Why would they?
You aren't pretty
But I was told several times today that I was.

Life feels unreal
and so does
everything
else.

i wish i could be selfish and heartless.
im sick of caring.

Focus on what makes you happy instead of trying to ruin other people's happiness, dear.

there is something about the light in your eyes when you laugh

i'm glad you got what you wanted.
god only knows when i will again.

It's all I want.

why do I need to understand you so badly

and all I need is physical affection to make things a little better. Come hold my hand, or better yet, just come and hold me. It makes everything a little bit better, a little bit easier.