"if I could put it into better words, I would... I love love love you."

Hold me with your words around my neck
Choke me with your lips and the poison kisses you'll give me
Let me taste fire and let my insides burn with
Only ashes left behind
And don't leave any evidence for them to find.

I wish you loved me as much as you love yourself.

Death to me is a scary but
normal thought in my head.
I feel unreal when someone
mentions that I will not be
alive in a billion years when
so many things could be
happening.

Death is unreal to me.
When someone I know dies it
differs in my brain as to
how I react.
Sometimes I will do nothing for
days on end and I'll just sit
in my sadness and tell myself
that the world has ended.
Other times I go on like
nothing is wrong.

My panic attacks usually
set in when I think things are
getting good again.
I feel lost and unreal
and I start to panic
in many, many ways.

Is that music is my head or
actual music playing?
Is someone talking?
Where? Aren't I alone?
My vision is blurry
my heart is racing
my mind is going
i   n   s    a    n     e.

Sometimes it is a bit worse.
I start attacking my heart.
The things I love= gone.
None of it matter.
She never loved you
What do you mean?
Your family hates you
Why would they?
You aren't pretty
But I was told several times today that I was.

Life feels unreal
and so does
everything
else.

i guess i relasped
i mean,
it wasn't like i made another
40 lines but
i made another 3
and in the end
it all adds up anyways,
right?

You dug my grave and buried me alive, do you realize that?

and last night was one of the best nights in my entire  life. I've never felt so unstoppable and confident before. I felt happy.

and I told her how I love her unconditionally, but that it's time to let her go. I don't know how I will accomplish this, but I need to. I fear that if I don't let her go now, then I will be completely ruined.

There are questions I wish to ask you, but I'm quite afraid of the possible answers that you'd give me. It doesn't matter though, because it's time to go, it's time to go.

i wish i could be selfish and heartless.
im sick of caring.

and your voice sounds like heaven at 2am, but my darling I must sleep. my mind can't bear to stay awake anymore and I have much to do when I wake up.

and everything feels completely pointless, but everything's fine, I promise.

Focus on what makes you happy instead of trying to ruin other people's happiness, dear.

"I love you, Rachel. You're the first person that I've said that to and truly meant it. I love you."

i'm glad you got what you wanted.
god only knows when i will again.

**** i am so weak
why am i letting my thoughts get to me?
i don't want to, but i want to and
i can't seem to decide if i just
miss the feeling of a blade on my skin or
i just miss feeling.

i think drowning may be the only option at this point
i just can't keep swimming anymore

and all I need is physical affection to make things a little better. Come hold my hand, or better yet, just come and hold me. It makes everything a little bit better, a little bit easier.

I love you, but I'm not in love with you. **There is a difference.

Why lie?
Whats the point in it?
I know you better than I know myself,
So why even try?

love those who do not put anxiety in your heart

I haven't listened to the song since you've left, and I guess it's just because I'm afraid of what will happen if I do: will I sob uncontrollably or will I not even be phased by the song that brought us together?

****  you

And it is always when I doubt you that I feel your presence wash over me like a wave upon a shoreline.

one half of me says, "**** yourself", but then the other says, "I'm already dead".

this doesn't count as self-harm, right?

i don't want to lose you, and yet i don't even have you

All of the times spilled out of my mouth like ink on a page and I couldn't have been more embarrassed nor more relieved in my entire life.

shes the
universe
in one
swift
motion.

you...you had always made the future feel so safe. as long as you were in it too, right beside me, i could be okay.

I guess heartbreak is good for the abs.

you're clouding my thoughts
so i try to cloud my thoughts with science
and thoughts of immortality
instead of thinking of the one thing
i truly cannot achieve-
you.

I joined a website that
promotes Pro-Ana
and now I
can't get
off.

Your eyes hold the truth like
My hands are holding you

if you were to sink, i'd jump overboard too.
no pointing in living a life without you.

A calm wave rushes over me
That brings only one thought into my mind:
*You.

Suddenly I want to die.
my lips are burning,
my ******* are aching,
my stomach is caving in,
my hip bones are bleeding,
my back is breaking,
and inbetween my thighs
I am crying.
I don't want to know why I feel this way,
I just know I want it to go away.

I don't think real love could be phased that easily; it wouldn't be able to get taken off of the pedestal without a fight.

i think I'm starting to figure myself out again

they are all convinced that you want me
but i am just convinced that i deserve to be alone

i just want to dance with you, my dear.

you're burning me to my core
i don't think i can take it anymore

how many pills does it take again?
just wondering, its for a friend.

maybe love can transcend all of space and time. even with all of this space between us and after all of this time, we're still feeling something for one another and it grows with each day.

and I wish to be no one else's but His own.