It's funny
How I thought you'd
Think of me the same way.

I was wrong.

Oh yes, because your kind of trying was pushing me away and making me feel like ****.

Yep, that's trying.

would've been a year and a month today,

It's just another low again, I promise I'll be fine.
Hopefully I'll swallow the right amount of pills this time.

I love you.

he said i melted in his arms
and i said "no, not a chance"
so he grinned and said
"oh? you don't believe me?"
and he did it
again.

i keep myself constantly busy in fear that if I'm not, then my mind will wander till it gets back to thinking about you

My palm says I'm prone to letting others control my life, and I think it's time to change that destiny of mine.

and she said she saw something different in my eyes, some kind of boldness that has never been there before. And I wouldn't disagree at all. Something feels different. I just can't quite put my finger on it...

and with you, the world stops, but I can't stop. *I can't stop.

whatever belief i had in love is gone.
so really, thank you for showing me the light.
true love is a myth.
and so is everything else that was "good"
in this world.

Brotherly hands touched
me last April and
now with this year
my beautiful other
takes his place---
except the difference is that
*I want her to.

and the pain i feel physically can never amount to the pain i feel on the inside.

which one hurt the most:
hiding behind your tears or ripping your heart from your sleeve?

Everything would be easier if I were dead.

I didn't break my promise

If you're happier without me, then I'll go.

I haven't done this since the month she left.
How could I have known that you'd
affect me this much?

Can you feel it too?

It's okay though, we didn't get to do a lot of things.

she needs tenderness and love, why can't you see that?

Why do I feel at home here with the scent of fresh flowers and cigarettes?

i look like a lady
but i think like a man
and i guess in this relationship
ill probably be a little bit of both
the things i want to do in bed
are definitely not too girly
but i know that you'd enjoy
the feeling of being touched
and licked
and loved.

but, im still a lady
ill put out your chair
and be as gentle as i can
and the kisses ill give you
will be as sweet as sugar.
ill wear perfume
and my dresses will
hug my hips
and my neck will taste like
love.

ill be everything you need.
from intelligent, to lover,
to just someone you want to
listen to music with,
ill be everything you deserve.

and I want to whisper your name against your neck, but would you let me?

eating would be easier if it didn't make me sick

and yet somehow, I still feel powerful.

i almost cried earlier because
for some **** reason,
church reminds me of
all the bad things that have
ever happened to me.

is that normal?

i thought church was
supposed to lift you up
because God loves you,
right?

i know he does...
but why do i constantly
need a reminder that i am
not worthy of such love?

and I sure as hell love midnight thoughts sometimes, because they can be so **** enticing.

don't remember the old me
she died long ago
she is not worth remembering
and guess what?
she dug your grave
for you
too.

Hold me with your words around my neck
Choke me with your lips and the poison kisses you'll give me
Let me taste fire and let my insides burn with
Only ashes left behind
And don't leave any evidence for them to find.

i keep looking at the blood running down my leg and
it only made me want more.

i hate all of these promises that I've made, i'm just about
ready to break them.

I woke up feeling like I do not deserve to be this lucky, but God, I truly am so lucky.

and I want to feel your lips on mine; they're so divine, *so divine

and if I asked you to come, would you?

and I fell into her arms and wept, but not for long. There was too much to laugh about before she was gone.

I'm afraid that I've been gone for a long time.

when you kissed me it was like i could breathe a bit easier again

Yeah, trust me, I've been wondering that as well.
Not only me, but my family as well.
And my friends.
And everyone else, too.
You're not the only one who doesn't understand why.

My heart makes a fool out of me, and my brain does nothing to stop myself.

i feel like I'm prone to having my heart broken

I haven't listened to the song since you've left, and I guess it's just because I'm afraid of what will happen if I do: will I sob uncontrollably or will I not even be phased by the song that brought us together?

And it is always when I doubt you that I feel your presence wash over me like a wave upon a shoreline.

I guess heartbreak is good for the abs.

You dug my grave and buried me alive, do you realize that?

and last night was one of the best nights in my entire  life. I've never felt so unstoppable and confident before. I felt happy.

A calm wave rushes over me
That brings only one thought into my mind:
*You.

how many pills does it take again?
just wondering, its for a friend.