my life is a tragedy.
it is something unavoidable...
something i just simply cannot
escape.

i think the worst thing about being suicidal is that
even when you're at your happiest,
the thought of jumping in front of a train
gives you a sort of excitement that you
haven't felt in such a long time.

It's cold and
Your shirt is still
On me.
Everyone is screaming and
Jumping and I'm
Still stuck in the moment.
The music is blaring and
I'm still watching you.

But I'm laying in a
Hotel room,
Alone,
And trying not to scream.

"I’ve waited a hundred years
But I’d wait a million more for you
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours"

I'm so sorry
I know that maybe I
Took it to far and
Said something's but
I miss you so much and
I'm having trouble
Letting go.

You've helped with so much
And I see your stares.
Why should I
Let go of
Someone that
Cares?
_________

It'd be easier if
I were dead.
I'd be nobody's
Issue and
You'd only grieve for
Awhile.
I'm nothing of
Importance anyways.

I can't even help my
Best friend nor
Stay out of trouble and
I can even get my love
Thrown away.

So what's the point in me
Being alive when
Nobody even
Wants me to
Stay?

He pretends to care
So much but
Then he becomes this
Narcissistic *******
Who can barely even look
At me.

Last night they said,
"We're worried about you."
I breathed heavily and
BAM!
The tears started flowing.
My mind wouldn't shut up,
I couldn't think,
Everything seemed...
jumbled
I was confused and hurt
And it was the only ounce of
Love
I've ever been shown.

I don't think anybody understands.

Will you let me
Hold you?
Not just you,
But your world,
Your universe;
I'd like to see it
In my hands,
In my arms,
Open...
Wide.
Open for you to be my
World,
My universe.

I keep rereading your poem.
It's like I try to hurt myself.
I don't know what to do,
My feelings are hiding, stealth.

and just stop wondering if we were meant to be, forget about fate and just hold me.

i noticed that
all of the thing ive done
for you
have been out of
pure love.

i should probably
stop that,
its getting me
nowhere.

you didn't know how many times I cried, how many times I woke up in the middle of the ******* night begging for you forgive me, or how up until you found out I couldn't let myself love you fully because I knew I didnt deserve any love back. You're right, what I did was awful. What I thought about doing was awful, and oh the things I said were awful. I didn't cry? I didn't cry from the pain I had caused? You're delusional, truly, you are. Something you'll never realize is that I will carry that burden for the rest of my life, because I hurt the one person I loved more than anything in the world. And that is what makes you and I different from each other.

****  you

you've broken another promise,
but i guess it wasn't important enough to keep it
once again.
guess i wasn't important enough,
huh?

love those who do not put anxiety in your heart

Why lie?
Whats the point in it?
I know you better than I know myself,
So why even try?

i think drowning may be the only option at this point
i just can't keep swimming anymore

i don't want to lose you, and yet i don't even have you

**** i am so weak
why am i letting my thoughts get to me?
i don't want to, but i want to and
i can't seem to decide if i just
miss the feeling of a blade on my skin or
i just miss feeling.

"I love you, Rachel. You're the first person that I've said that to and truly meant it. I love you."

maybe love can transcend all of space and time. even with all of this space between us and after all of this time, we're still feeling something for one another and it grows with each day.

I wish you loved me as much as you love yourself.

Come on Rach, give it a shot. It only hurts for a second
No, I cant. I made a promise. I only did it a few times but It has been forever.
You're worthless, I'm the only one that wants you. Why can't you want me back?
Because you're *bad and I cant, I made a promise.
If she couldn't keep them, then why should you?
And for once, my old friend made sense.
**But, I *couldn't.

"if I could put it into better words, I would... I love love love you."

I miss you terribly...*when are you going to come back?

and I hate the way I tend to overstep boundaries, it's yet another thing I have to learn

And I thought things couldn't get any worse.

I can feel his stare as it burns through me.

loneliness is synonymous with my name
and the fragments of my broken heart would agree.

and soon enough, i'll be gone. you'll be gone. we'll all be gone.
i thank God everyday for the art of moving on.

This stupid letter remains in my pocket everyday, as if I'm going to give it to you.

all of space and time is starting to leak out of my bleeding soul

im scratching at my wrists, worrying like i never have before.

I am **burning

and I keep trying to think of ways to say hello, but they all end in goodbye, *so what's the point?

I have lost my words
and my wisdom is gone
I am not a poet anymore,
am I?

I will forever love you.

and i forget about the world around me when I'm with you.
you make me feel a little less blue.

i had you in my hands,
oh darling,
why did i let you
go?

i feel like I'm prone to having my heart broken

there is something so beautiful about
the way your eyes leave a
bright light in my
soul.

My heart makes a fool out of me, and my brain does nothing to stop myself.

i wish i could be selfish and heartless.
im sick of caring.

last weekend I was getting better
and then I got worse
and this weekend?
well,
what's the point of going
up
when you can so easily keep
going
down.

and I fell into her arms and wept, but not for long. There was too much to laugh about before she was gone.