the new year has already begun for me.
*what have you done to start helping yourself?

your stories are getting sloppy like the smudged lipstick on your face, oh honey, don't you realize that intelligent people have better taste?

my heart aches for the pieces it has lost but
i simply cannot allow them to come back.
i still wouldn't be the same girl from
before even if they did.

I saw what I wanted to see instead of what was right in front of me.

her kiss is like fire, and I want to **burn.

she bought a star and named it after me
just so she could keep what
was rightfully hers in the
beginning.

I remember you
I'll always remember you
God only know what you think of me
But I remember you
And I am still me.
But are you still you?

and in the little time i have,
i write and write and write
and i fill up these notebooks with
apologies and old love letters
and mistakes and regrets and
wishes for the past,
the present, and
the future.

i should probably stop wasting that
little bit of time, i suppose.

"You're not going to change, huh?"
"You said a few months ago that people are born this way...why would it change when it comes to me?"
"I guess I didn't see this coming."
*"I've told you enough times, but you never listened."

“Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.”

you acknowledged me again today,
but only momentarily.
and as I took out my math work I could
see you looking at me in the
corner of my eye.

as quick as you look at me,
you look away just as fast.

what are you thinking?
please just say something.

I called you after it had happened and while I was sitting in the bathtub in ice cold water watching the water drip from the faucet and as I let tears fall down my cheeks and as I scrubbed away what you did I tried my best to sound composed but I couldn't and that's why when you answered I hung up because I wasn't sure I could tell you of my shame and how scared I was and I was so afraid to let you in, because then you'd see a part of me you had yet to see and what if you wouldn't want me anymore because who wants a used and so severely broken little girl like me? I wouldn't be your little girl anymore and you wouldn't see me as a beautiful flower, but as a bunch of broken and dried up rose petals and there's so much more in the world besides someone like me and how could you stay with someone so repulsive I don't know I don't know I don't---

a relationship could be a place to hide too

Seeing you
Smiling
Laughing
And
Enjoying life without me,
Seems like you'd be just fine.

Come look for me in the bathroom,
I plan on getting something sharp baby.
Let my blood run dry and
My heart stop beating.
Goodbye.

You know those movies where
when the girl walks in and she is
incredibly beautiful and
the boy she likes sees her
and he does something dramatic like
dropping whatever is in his hands or
stuttering on his words?

That just happened,
But to me.

Being around him takes away the feeling of loneliness that I have known for quite some time now.

would art help me tame this beast or only add fuel to the fury in my fire?

I didn't fall in love of coarse
It's never up to you
But she was walking back and forth
And I was passing through.











I noticed atfterward after I searched my poem on the Internet after I wrote it that it's already a poem... So um, I guess cheers to the guy who really made this? By Leonard Cohen

Sorry Leonard, didn't mean to steal it.  :P

where do you go when those colors and that safe place isn't
there anymore?

Silence
Lets
The
Demons
In.

wait, what changed?
I can't keep up anymore.

and here i am
back again
thinking of his hands.
a rush,
a shiver,
i know what this means.
i only take what i can
stand.

his tongue moves
in ways,
a bend.
i can feel him in my
bones.

its been hours
and I'm still here
wondering if he is my
home.

how many times will i have to tell you that you can't have it both ways?

isn't any reaction better than no reaction at all?
isn't feeling something better than feeling nothing at all?

I haven't cut in so long that
I miss the feeling of
something other then
the sadness I feel
now.

you said some days it'd hurt more than others and I guess that makes sense because looking into your eyes burned a hole in whatever is left of my heart.

Flashes of you go round and round in my mind--
Wisps of hair and the shine of the moonlight on your skin--
the sounds that escaped your mouth and
the way your back arched in the dark--
Words that you've said, or even lack thereof--
The love that held us together, even when things hurt too much--
And the end... the end where I shook with
sadness and fear of the oblivion that
you threw me into.

Will you remember the tears that ran down my face
and the words, *"Just one day more, please?"

It's funny how they all say they hate you behind your back, and the next thing you know, they want to be your friend.
It's hilarious, isn't it?

i wont see you all summer.
i have your number but
i wont use it.
i miss you already.

Daddy,
I miss you.
Alot.

Where would you go for the end of the world?

you say you want us to be together but
I just say I want another hit.

no point in dreaming about the past
i have quite the future ahead of me

I'm content with being alone...

Maybe because I know it won't be forever.

Why do I want you so much but
I'm constantly hating myself for it?

I'm exhausted,
My mind keeps running
Round and round
And it never stops
To take a rest
And think of you
In a good way.

And somehow through all of this chaos, I still think you're worth it.
Every single **** second of it.

and I've been talking about you like you're still the same
oh baby please let me tell you that I'm not the only one to blame
we're just two halves on this incredibly broken planet
just come home already, god ******

and I've always been drawn to you, but the timing has always been wrong.






                                                                                                                   it still is.

"He gives me the shakes, you know, and I want to see the world with him... I've never wanted that before."*
Oh boy, do I understand.
He makes me quiver with just his smile, and I've only just started becoming hopeful for my future again. No, not because of him. But, maybe the thought of him in my future makes things just slightly bearable. I have such a bright one, after all. Why shouldn't I be hopefully for the road ahead of me?

I've quite mastered the art of unrequited love, can't you tell?

“Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes.”