why are you so far away

i'll risk whatever i have left if it means i can say what i've been wanting to say to you for so long

I'm still in pain, even while I'm numb, I'm still in so much *pain.

"So...all of this happened when she broke up with you?"
I looked at you after, scared that you'd hate me for all of the mistakes I've made. Scared that you'd leave too. I nodded slowly while tears started to flow down my burning cheeks.
"Does this change anything?"
You looked at me and smiled as you said, *"Why would it?"
"Because I've done terrible things, and it's easy to let all of this information make you look at me differently. I would understand if you did, but I just hope you don't."
*"Rachel, I see all of you. I don't want you to be afraid to show me who you were, who you are, and who you are becoming. You're not that same girl, and I can see that. Nothing has changed, I still like you. Nothing you can say will change that fact."

What does pride have to do with anything?

they are all convinced that you want me
but i am just convinced that i deserve to be alone

And I hate calling you beautiful, because you're so much more than that.

and I wonder why he said I shouldn't do it... Because he thinks I cannot do it or does he know it'll only hurt me in the end?

What I never was able to tell you was how ridiculous our fights were, and how I never realized it until now. I didn't care for those things, I cared about you and only you. I couldn't bear to think of a future without you because I could barely remember the past I had lived without you, but now that I have to endure it, I can only think of the time when love was more than a feeling and death was something less visible, less clear.

and you give yourself away, piece by piece. Won't you be sad when your own puzzle pieces don't fit?

It would've been selfish to take what hasn't been mine for a few months now.

When you think about it, no one’s beliefs sound any more ridiculous than anyone else’s.

and I wish to be no one else's but His own.

Where did the old me go?
When did she decide that she had enough?
Why couldn't she have left sooner?
*Where did she go and will she ever come back?

Smart isn't measured by books,
Smart is making the right decision at the right time.

and 62 weeks ago was the start of my life, but 10 weeks ago was the end of it.

and I told her how I love her unconditionally, but that it's time to let her go. I don't know how I will accomplish this, but I need to. I fear that if I don't let her go now, then I will be completely ruined.

and with you, the world stops, but I can't stop. *I can't stop.

He said, "let it go, scream it if you have to, here you're safe with me." But your hands remind me of an engulfing flame and I'm not ready to burn.

His lips caressed mine and it reminded me that not everyone is like you.

And I'm scared because the last thing I want to do is to hurt you.

and you tempt me, but I don't know

Without you
I'll have to learn how to make
Home out of my own arms
Instead of yours.

and we all have rights, but does that make them right?

i'm glad you got what you wanted.
god only knows when i will again.

As far as I can see, nobody loves me.

he deserves the best...he deserves everything in this known universe.

You don't have to do it yourself.

You looked at me from across the room as you licked your lips
and I looked up from what I was doing as I licked my own,
and that's when I saw you.

and all the things that used to matter don't seem to anymore

i wonder if it felt as good for you as it did for me

why would you ever want to feel my lips on yours?
what could ever possess you to wish for such a thing as a kiss from me?

Am I selfish for wanting to take care of myself more than anyone else right now?

you make my heart feel like its summer, even when its pouring all around

and what is it like to save someone from themselves?

Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them.

How?

how many pills does it take again?
just wondering, its for a friend.

and despite your faults, I fall more and more for you every single day.

When will I begin to live again?

and all sins are the same in the sight of God, but all sins have different kinds of consequences.

and I wish that I could say that seeing that bothered me, but I guess I'm just too occupied with other things...other people.

"hi...yes...it's rachel...yes I'm doing fine, how about you? good, good... yes, i know it's late, and I'm really sorry, but there's something you should know..."

"I love you, Rachel. You're the first person that I've said that to and truly meant it. I love you."

Why lie?
Whats the point in it?
I know you better than I know myself,
So why even try?