One year anniversaries can do a lot to a person.
But they always seem to show you how much has changed.

i feel like I'm prone to having my heart broken

and I wonder why he said I shouldn't do it... Because he thinks I cannot do it or does he know it'll only hurt me in the end?

Why do I feel at home here with the scent of fresh flowers and cigarettes?

and you give yourself away, piece by piece. Won't you be sad when your own puzzle pieces don't fit?

I love when we wake up together on the phone, because hearing your sleepy "Good Morning"s are so worth waking a bit earlier for.

i'll risk whatever i have left if it means i can say what i've been wanting to say to you for so long

and he's most certainly helped to bring down the walls I started to build again. Day by day, I become stronger with him by my side. I will not be shaken, I will not allow myself to be treated so poorly ever again.

i wonder if it felt as good for you as it did for me

"hi...yes...it's rachel...yes I'm doing fine, how about you? good, good... yes, i know it's late, and I'm really sorry, but there's something you should know..."

"So...all of this happened when she broke up with you?"
I looked at you after, scared that you'd hate me for all of the mistakes I've made. Scared that you'd leave too. I nodded slowly while tears started to flow down my burning cheeks.
"Does this change anything?"
You looked at me and smiled as you said, *"Why would it?"
"Because I've done terrible things, and it's easy to let all of this information make you look at me differently. I would understand if you did, but I just hope you don't."
*"Rachel, I see all of you. I don't want you to be afraid to show me who you were, who you are, and who you are becoming. You're not that same girl, and I can see that. Nothing has changed, I still like you. Nothing you can say will change that fact."

nothing i wrote was ever good enough for you, was it?

You looked at me from across the room as you licked your lips
and I looked up from what I was doing as I licked my own,
and that's when I saw you.

I'm still in pain, even while I'm numb, I'm still in so much *pain.

I don't wanna feel blue anymore.

why are you so far away

Without you
I'll have to learn how to make
Home out of my own arms
Instead of yours.

He said, "let it go, scream it if you have to, here you're safe with me." But your hands remind me of an engulfing flame and I'm not ready to burn.

Where did the old me go?
When did she decide that she had enough?
Why couldn't she have left sooner?
*Where did she go and will she ever come back?

and we all have rights, but does that make them right?

they are all convinced that you want me
but i am just convinced that i deserve to be alone

and I told her how I love her unconditionally, but that it's time to let her go. I don't know how I will accomplish this, but I need to. I fear that if I don't let her go now, then I will be completely ruined.

Smart isn't measured by books,
Smart is making the right decision at the right time.

and you tempt me, but I don't know

I haven't done this since the month she left.
How could I have known that you'd
affect me this much?

and 62 weeks ago was the start of my life, but 10 weeks ago was the end of it.

and I wish to be no one else's but His own.

His lips caressed mine and it reminded me that not everyone is like you.

It would've been selfish to take what hasn't been mine for a few months now.

you say what I want to hear and I believe every single word of it.

and all the things that used to matter don't seem to anymore

You're nothing more than a paper girl in this paper world and I had thought that maybe your mask was one you could wash off, but it turns out you were too simple-minded to use the right kind of paint.

Am I selfish for wanting to take care of myself more than anyone else right now?

What does pride have to do with anything?

i'm glad you got what you wanted.
god only knows when i will again.

and with you, the world stops, but I can't stop. *I can't stop.

As far as I can see, nobody loves me.

and all sins are the same in the sight of God, but all sins have different kinds of consequences.

How?

Why lie?
Whats the point in it?
I know you better than I know myself,
So why even try?

Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them.

and despite your faults, I fall more and more for you every single day.

You always were afraid of being replaced.
Guess your fears came true.

"Forget all of them. **** them. They don't know who you are and who you've become and how you feel. You really like him, yeah? Then go for it, because he really likes you too. I can see how much you care for him when he's around and when you talk about him, so that must count for something. Enjoy this feeling and let this happen, because the both of you deserve the best, and I know that y'all are for one another."

why can't I just ******* admit it to myself? why can't I say it out loud?