it didn't feel the same

I wonder what it must be like to be so **** petty...

i sing because it's the only way i may get someone to truly hear my voice

So much work...so little time.

and you just gotta start making the moves and start to remove that brick from off of your chest and onto something worth making a foundation on.

yeah, me neither.

and as i pass my mirror, i wonder if the girl who i used to see there ever thought she'd become the girl she is now: a monster.

Everything would be easier if I were dead.

and if the last thing you ever said to me was "*******", then that would be okay. It is much better than an "i love you", because I know you do not mean it.

and even during these hard times, i need to remember to thank God for my blessings and for my life.

maybe that's why i wanted to leave, so i couldn't hurt anyone else while i was 150 miles from here.

and the quickest way to lose sight of what God has to say about you is to only care about what others say about you.

and I'm tempted to call, but if you answered you'd still end up leaving me yet again, so what the point?

and to think that i once loved so passionately. i once did, i once did.

one half of me says, "**** yourself", but then the other says, "I'm already dead".

You just want control.
Like a puppet master, you
wish to hold the strings.
Or like a god over his people,
you wish to be the one who
has the last and only say.
Why do you need to control everything?
Why must you carry so much weight
on the top of your shoulders?

If you could only keep one promise that you made to me,
then I would beg you to keep the one that preserves your life.

they know*
Get ready for all of Hell to break loose

I'm sure you've found a way to replace each one of these memories with a new one.

How many times will I have to bleed out before you realize my heart still beats for you?

what would relapsing accomplish? why do I even feel like this right now?

in matters of the heart,
I am dying.
in matters of everything else?
I'm doing just fine.

I remember when they told me that you would break my heart, but even before we were together I had faith in us. Where did that all go? When did they become right?

I should just do it now before I talk myself out of it.

i have never felt more of an obligation to slit open my wrists than i do now.

touch more than my body, and eventually you'll have that too.

I cannot sleep, *where did you go?

she needs tenderness and love, why can't you see that?

I used to write about how you were my "other half" but that's *******. I am whole with or without you. I do not need another person to "complete me". I need myself, and I need to love myself *equally and forever.

I'm afraid of what I'll do.

would've been a year and a month today,

How liberating it is to say "No", even if it is only in my dreams.

and with you, it's starting to feel like spring instead of the cold winter I had known for so long.

this silence is much needed.

and to think that this time last year I was so in love... Where did it go? Does love just come and go as it pleases? Does it leave whenever things get hard? Does love wish to destroy when all you ask for is peace? No, no it doesn't. So does that mean it wasn't love?

and I wonder if you could feel my heart slow as I looked at her. How could I still feel so much love for someone who has caused me so much pain? I wonder if you asked yourself that question when I hurt you.

Do you remember how I wrote some letters to you for different things?
like "for when you're feeling sad" and "for when you miss me" etc?
I kept one of them, because I never really entertained the thought of you leaving. I also thought it was ridiculous to think that one day you might not love me anymore. But I wrote it, and I kept it, and I keep reading it over and over again. How stupid could I be to think that you could've stayed?

Your touch is lethal, i wish to be poisoned.

This feeling equates to the pain I felt all those years. Why now?

and in the light of eternity, does this really matter?
*no, no it doesn't.

and without your love, I'm getting somewhere

Everything gets worse at night

At first I just believed that it'd be more ammunition.
But then I remembered that I have a gun, too.

What I never was able to tell you was how ridiculous our fights were, and how I never realized it until now. I didn't care for those things, I cared about you and only you. I couldn't bear to think of a future without you because I could barely remember the past I had lived without you, but now that I have to endure it, I can only think of the time when love was more than a feeling and death was something less visible, less clear.