****  you

And I believe I did something extraordinary today. I smiled at him. I saw him in the hallway and I smiled at him. He didn't smile back, in fact, he looked away. Almost as if he was so consumed with shame, that by looking at me would make it pour out from his unforgivable heart. But the thing about is that I've forgiven him and her and the whole situation. I still can't look at her, but I'm getting to that point. It'll probably take awhile, but that's okay. I'm not on anybody's schedule except my own and I will take as long as I need to heal from this. Maybe it will take a few more days or maybe it'll take a few months. But I will not let you take me down, so that you could feel better. I did something extraordinary today and maybe it won't seem like it to anyone else, but to me it was a step towards a new life. A better life.

"There's flowers growing outside, love."
                                                                    *"But I'm inside and I am dying"

And now everything smells like the boy I adore.

Do you consider pride a fort or a virtue?

"it's *******," I said. you turned to me and said that it couldn't possibly be, that you were sure of it. but all I could do was breathe in the smoke and turn to the mountains and city lights surrounding me. I could finally breathe there, even with the obscene amount of smoke and dust in the air.

"It's just a different kind of love now."

maybe you would've loved me more if there would've been less of me

Yeah, trust me, I've been wondering that as well.
Not only me, but my family as well.
And my friends.
And everyone else, too.
You're not the only one who doesn't understand why.

I hate this feeling of being "in-between".
But I also hate my constant state of highs and low,
so I guess this is better than that.

it didn't feel the same

you're not an idiot
you're just not the person I thought you were

I'm probably going regret this in the morning.

There are questions I wish to ask you, but I'm quite afraid of the possible answers that you'd give me. It doesn't matter though, because it's time to go, it's time to go.

i think it's time to say goodbye.

you asked me why i didn't kiss you like i kissed him and i just said i couldn't because i didn't see you in that way, and i thought i remembered you smiling and saying thank you, but the more i think about it, i really remember the tension in the air and the tightness of your grip of your hands on your steering wheel in the moonlight.

I'll never forget you.

once again, i spoke too soon.
everything that could go right went wrong.

Your eyes hold the truth like
My hands are holding you

Oh yes, because your kind of trying was pushing me away and making me feel like ****.

Yep, that's trying.

So much work...so little time.

Justice surges through my veins and I want the world to be a better place.

and I've always been drawn to you, but the timing has always been wrong.






                                                                                                                   it still is.

maybe that's why i wanted to leave, so i couldn't hurt anyone else while i was 150 miles from here.

My heart makes a fool out of me, and my brain does nothing to stop myself.

your stories are getting sloppy like the smudged lipstick on your face, oh honey, don't you realize that intelligent people have better taste?

and sometimes it's too much, being so close to you, but not being able to hold you.

My emotions confuse me, yet I still know what I want.
It's the same as what I've been wanting for awhile.
I just know that I won't get it unless I try.
But even then I still might not
succeed.

walking up and down the aisles of
one of my favorite stores only
reminded me more of the
last time we kissed and
how it didn't really
cross my mind at
all that it would
be our last
one.

and as i pass my mirror, i wonder if the girl who i used to see there ever thought she'd become the girl she is now: a monster.

and I wonder why my name crossed your lips out of nowhere?

Everything would be easier if I were dead.

I'm sure you've found a way to replace each one of these memories with a new one.

and I have lost many things, but I have also gained more of myself than I ever could have imagined.

would've been a year and a month today,

Am I free or am I still *******?

I should just do it now before I talk myself out of it.

You just want control.
Like a puppet master, you
wish to hold the strings.
Or like a god over his people,
you wish to be the one who
has the last and only say.
Why do you need to control everything?
Why must you carry so much weight
on the top of your shoulders?

and to think that i once loved so passionately. i once did, i once did.

I remember when they told me that you would break my heart, but even before we were together I had faith in us. Where did that all go? When did they become right?

If you could only keep one promise that you made to me,
then I would beg you to keep the one that preserves your life.

and even during these hard times, i need to remember to thank God for my blessings and for my life.

they know*
Get ready for all of Hell to break loose