I did it so I wouldn't have to feel your fingers playing with it anymore
even though you're not here
and I did it because I knew you loved it and I was ready for a change and I thought you didn't love me, so I thought keeping it was useless
I needed it all to be gone, really. I figured if my skin cells won't know you one day, neither should my hair have to endure the pain anymore.
But then I remembered that no matter what I change, my heart and mind will always remember you.
I will always be reminded of the way you smell, of the way your eyes crinkle up when you laugh or smile, or the way your voice sounds on the phone at 3am.
So, I guess being reminded isn't such a bad thing.
But I can't allow myself to rely on you anymore, I need to remember who I was before you and to bring that into the person I am today.
Why did I do what I did?
Because I needed to learn how to do something for myself again,
because I forgot what it was like to do something that wasn't because I loved you or because I wanted to put you before anything and everything.
I just need to love myself again, purely because I am beautiful and I am worthy, without or without another person to tell me so.
I've forgotten how to love myself. May the next month away be a month of magnificent transformation for me and for all.