It doesn't matter what time of day it is anymore; I'm a dead man walking.

If I don't make it to tomorrow, the notebook will be in my backpack.

And you're just going back and forth, back and forth;
nothing more than a girl looking for that star in the north.
And you're not really sure where your loyalty lies anymore;
nothing more than a girl who goes where she thinks that she won't be poor.

I became so fixated on the idea of my future rather than enjoying the beautiful life in front of me.*I forgot how to live in the present.

"But I tell you that men will give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.

he said I've been through worse things than you
I just never realized that it was true.

I didn't think that you'd reply,
but you did.
A simple "thank you" would've sufficed,
but you also told me more,
which made me smile.
I tried not to act like it made me happy,
but it did.
All I've wanted was to say hello,
but I was too hurt to do so.
But I put that aside to send you a "good luck" text
just in hopes that you'll know that
I'm still rooting for you.

It addresses everything in the letter.
It says everything.

And that's what I believe that you always deserved--someone who would love you regardless of your scars. It's what we all deserve. It's a lot like the love that God shows us. That's what you deserve. And now? Oh darling, it's what you have. Please, just cherish it. Love with everything you have. Let this Love become a part of you, because it's pure and beautiful and you deserve to be happy. Just Love with every fiber of your being. Love is the only hope we have left anymore.

“She couldn’t get any farther away inside from her skin. She couldn’t get away."

but I do.

wait, what changed?
I can't keep up anymore.

You deserve so much more than the world and I'm sorry I'm not quite ready to give it to you, but I'm trying to be. I just want to be the best possible version of myself and I sure as hell have a lot to work on and I don't want to hurt you, so that's why I'm trying to keep you at a distance. I want you to be happy and I want to be there when you are and when you're not and I just want to make you smile and *******, I just want to hold your hand and to tell you that it's all gonna be okay. But everything is so complicated and my thoughts are jumbled and my throat is so tight and it's hard to say my true feelings because I need to fix some things before I can give you what you deserve. Hell, I'm probably much less that what you actually deserve, but I'd be a lot of things if it meant that I could just see you smile again and again and again.
I just need to get through some things and then you'll see, oh honey, you'll see that I'm just trying to be the best that I know I can and will be.

you're the one I want at the end of the day

why is it that you're suddenly so interested now?
because you saw others flirting with me?
because maybe it got through your thick *** skull that
I'm not waiting around anymore?
that I'm just ******* tired of your
*******?

sorry,
but it's not my fault that
you couldn't make up your mind
during the right
time.

Even though you'll break my heart, I'll still take you as you are.

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that, unfortunately, I have fallen for you. The good news? Well, it's that you'll never know.

I just want everything to be blown away, so that hopefully this won't get ruined by the debris, too.

why couldn't you just have told me?

And maybe it's a bad decision, but also, maybe it's a good one.

At first I just believed that it'd be more ammunition.
But then I remembered that I have a gun, too.

And everything would be easier if I were dead.
But as for it being better?
Well, maybe even that, too.

In fourteen hundred ninety two
I gave my heart over to you.

I had three lives and you took them all;
you crushed and slashed and watched me fall.

I would sail by night; sail by day;
I used you, my star, to find my way.

My compass, my star, helped me to know
exactly which way that I should go.

I thought you'd take good care of my heart,
but instead you burned it and tore it apart.

Maybe it was love, maybe it was truth,
But all I know is that I fell hard in my youth.

In fourteen hundred ninety two
I did exactly what you shouldn't do.

And I'm scared because the last thing I want to do is to hurt you.

you became my lungs
and without you it was so hard to breathe.

you were an *******
and I was so tired of being **** on.

you were dead
and I was tired of digging my own grave.

You always were afraid of being replaced.
Guess your fears came true.

This stupid letter remains in my pocket everyday, as if I'm going to give it to you.

You're nothing more than a paper girl in this paper world and I had thought that maybe your mask was one you could wash off, but it turns out you were too simple-minded to use the right kind of paint.

"hi...yes...it's rachel...yes I'm doing fine, how about you? good, good... yes, i know it's late, and I'm really sorry, but there's something you should know..."

I added you to my mistakes list.
Remember that list?
You and I made one up for my
dumb mistakes.
You loved making fun of
number four because it really
******.

You're number seven now.
Figures.
You love the number seven.
And forty-two.
And I should probably stop writing.
Because I know if I don't,
then I'll never get rid of my feelings
for you.

I wonder what it must be like to be so **** petty...

And somehow through all of this chaos, I still think you're worth it.
Every single **** second of it.