A smile on the lip
Tears in the eyes,
Scars on the wrists
A mouth full with lies.
A sad little girl.

The one who sits back the class,
The one that wears large huge bracelets,
The girl who doesn't speak
The girl that her eyes are filled with tears.
Her.
The pretty tiny sad girl.

She was tired,
She hates her life,
She wished to go to a new different world
She closed her eyes,
One two three four five.

And before everyone knows,
she was gone.

i wrote you a relentless slew of love letters and gave you all my artwork.  you left them all scattered haphazardly throughout your room, never once bothering to keep them safe.  you never valued anything i gave to you, even in knowing they were all extensions of my tumultuous, uncontainable love for you.  i stopped giving you those things made of my love because you tread thoughtlessly upon them with your bare feet, underwriting my creations.
2. you said i was worth the work, but you never put it in.  i showed you the trainwreck of scars laddering my skin, the bones protruding from beneath, told you about how i swallowed all those pills wishing for a quick ending, then starved for years because i thought i deserved death slow & painful.  i told you i hated myself.  i told you i felt unlovable.  i cried in front of you, exposed in a splendor of shame & total vulnerability, & all you had in response was an awkward little laugh & “well, you don’t look too skinny” you left for work & i cried my heart out.  i don’t blame you for being foolish & insensitive, but regardless, *******.  
3. when you are high, which is always, you become replaceable with any other body.  you repeat the same stories, tell the same jokes, expect me to find you relentlessly charming. you zone in on youtube videos that are not ******* funny, stop laughing at them, it is all so pointless. you are redolent with intellect wasted away on the drugs, mere chemicals that entertain you far more than i ever did.
4. the moment you took me for granted, i knew i was going to walk away.
5. the night after my sister tried to **** herself, after i sought you out for comfort & all you gave me was apathy, i traced a razor across my skin, contemplating her decision.  i didn’t tell you, but i’m not sorry.
6. you always felt the need to remind me i was free, but i already knew.  i am my own person.  this is something i have always known.  you never had the power to influence the way i lived my life or the people i loved & still love & will always love.  don’t ever think you had that power over me.
7. don’t ever tell me i do not need to change.  there are things i have to fix about myself.  not all of my flaws are beautiful.  do not romanticize me.  do not turn me into some idea you have of me in your head.  i am not a beautiful and heavenly creature, I am a human girl & i have made mistakes.
8. i care about you, but i care about myself more, & this is why i am walking away.
9. the damage is irreparable.  i wasted my time believing you could love me the way i wanted you to, but you can’t & you won’t & that is okay.  i do not resent you for it, but you need to let me go.  i am not your dream girl & you are not for me. do not cling to the illusion of who you think i am.  let me go.
10. i am leaving because this time, i don’t just think i deserve better.  i know.

I can't think straight
This too long wait
Is too much to handle
I've walked for hours
Thinking only of you
Talking to the moon as if it was you
Feeling so empty
I can feel my blood harden
The hate you teach
Is beneath me, so fall in line
Start the fight that you won't win
I'd rage till you understand
I'm the monster in the moonlight shadows
You created from within your straightjacket
Bury your sins in these ruby eyes
Drink the dripping filth from sharpened teeth
Let me show you what you taught me
So I'll lie to you
Break your soul in two
Put your dreams beneath my feet and crush them like insects
I'll pretend to love, I'll show you hope
And when you least expect
I'll abandon you, like you did in the end
I've loved and lost
Yet lost it all when I loved you the most
So try to smile now
Feel your statue face crack
As the corners of your lips curl
Find the hope I leave you with
The only teddy bear for comfort
I'll feel alive as your wrist bleed
So close your eyes
Forever forget
Haunted, hollow, and hopeless
You're dead inside
I know you're no good
But yet, I still think of you
And distance tore us both apart
An ending we both should've seen
As now I can only hold you, when you enter my dreams
I just hope you can forgive
When I say I can't
I walked these hours knowing the pain
I'm hiding in the shadows
Running to the only place
We both called home
And even though it bears the title "Home"
Without you here, it feels so unknown
A vacant castle
Haunted by the ghostly scent
Of your intoxicating perfume
A shadow less feature
Bearing no common ground
The memories scorched in the walls
Playback when I walk by
And I remember
All the times I wanted to die
I've walked these walls
Hoping to find you in the picture frames
Yet you were worth more
Than the thousand words a picture held
So I'll scream into the winds
Hoping they'll carry my last message to you
Come home
The message of home echoes on
And every night I lie awake
In the hope that you'll return to me
But that hope faded fast
As day after day wore on
I couldn't take it anymore
Counting the seconds like hours
When you came home finally
You weren't met by a smile
Or teary eyes of ****** joy
But simply a rotting affection riddled corpse
Hanging from the chandelier you hated so much

darling,
don't you wish you knew?

that somebody, some angel or devil, will give you a shout out from above
just an alert to tell that your world will fall apart?

so very soon....

and maybe you could have smiled at the bullied kid and given him your peanut butter sandwich
you could have enjoyed every bits of information flooding in your brain
you could have treasured every test, quiz, and teacher
you could have told how beautiful your mom looked today
you could have told your dad that he will always be your role model
you could have given a small kiss on the cheek to your baby brother
you could have hugged your best friend a bit tighter
you could have felt the rain pattering your head
you could have told a stranger that you want them to hold on, be strong

darling, you could have, didn't you
before it all evaporated?

The storms beginning to role in,
His wounds are deep, and the ice is thin.

How much longer can he walk? With the burden of loneliness?
But yet he's able to hide it off with a smile, it's his hidden illness.

He walks down the street, passing by blurry people, no one stopes and stares,
He can't even go up to a friend anymore, silence is all that meets him,
His ray of hope is very very dim.

His heart is shattered like broken glass,
The pieces are too hard to count, it's such a big mass.

One more shot and he's dead,
And the dirt will be around his head.

If things don't straighten, they sky will be stained with blood,
And not a footprint will be seen in the damp mud.

One more slice, and he won't see,
He can barley taste his afternoon tea.

It really *****, life is crap without a friend,
His hope is beginning to bend.

He shall sell it, that's what he will spend,
And in his eyes the world will end.

It seems so strange how love can still exist in this messed up world,
And how memories can still live on.. Even after our roads devised.

We bumped into each other in the hall one day. As I blushed and apologized you smiled and told me I was classy.

Under the sweet smells of popcorn and that warm summer air.. We shared our first kiss.. And we held hands from there on in.
We would run around the streets and laugh like lunatics..

Everything would be so great, the town thought we were mad.
We took our walks on the beach, and danced under the moonlight sky, with the candles glowing below.

We would jump in the leaves and twirl with them dancing around us We called it dancing with the leaves.

We made pillow forts and had our Nerf wars on the cold winter days, to end it all off with a hot coffee as the suns rays dipped under the horizon.

We would pretend we were birds and fly with the wind atop of large hills, then run down them as if they were a large valleys.

We had our days, we both shed tears, and we both messed up. But we would always end it with a " I need you" letter.

We wrote in a bottle: "we will always be." .. And then threw it into the river. It all changed soon after I got that text..

You moved away. That day.. I fell to pieces..
It was like time itself had stopped and I couldn't breath.
I had been stabbed with bits of glass, I couldn't help but scream..

I haven't quite been the same, I've turned into a emotional wrack.
Trying to fill a void that's been empty for so long..
If you saw me now.. You'd be disappointed.. I'm not the same guy you fell in love with..

My hair isn't combed and doesn't have that brown shine, my eyes glow black and my skins gone sour, I've become more hunched, and I always have a cloud over my head.
No one seems to care,
So with this pain I must bare.

I never stopped caring, now I'm dealing with the weight of the world.
People say that there is someone out there for me. To stop dwelling on the past and move onto the here and now. There was someone out there but now she's gone.
I cry every night and then think of you, and that's when I realize,

I'm lost without you.