Slapped myself on ketamine
and found that it
hurt more than it did
than when I actually had
some feeling in me.

Someone started to call me
Different,
Caught themselves,
"You're unique."

Ma'am, with all the respect in the world,
Everyone's unique,
But not everyone's different.

Because unique
Means that you're you.
Which isn't bad.

Different means
That not only are you you,
You're the hero in your story,
You've climbed mountains,
Sailed seas,
Saw a million sights unseen,
And dream in colors
No one else has thought to create.

Unique means that you're
Different from other people,
But to the same level they are.

Different means that you
Broke every mold,
Nothing about you is reminiscent
Of someone else.

I am my own person.
I have my own life.
I dance to my own beat.
I color outside the lines.

Don't try to be polite
And label me unique,
You won't hurt my feelings
By saying I'm different,
In fact,
You might make my day.


So unique is good,
Different is good,
But remember,
I'm different,
And that's not bad,
In fact,
I rather like it.

So don't think of different as bad,
Think of a green apple
In a bushel of red apples,
Think of the first autumn leaf,
And then,
Think of me.

I remember when my pulse slowed
in its comfort.
How strange it is
to feel my heart
beat in rhythm
once again.

I'm beginning to
hate your guts
And how you've
decided to
abandon me
For many lips
And many *****
To test, and taste
new hues of
*****.

Light fades and every sun ray disintegrates
Into gray scale, pays tribute
To faithless hope or a hopeless faith
And I’m losing myself
Like clouds drop rain.
Not a tear shed for the parts they throw away,
Lying all my shadows across the things they say,
Until I’m hallow,
And I feel nothing
But this soft familiar thrumming,
It’s you calling
It’s always knowing when I have no home,
When I have gone insane,
That I can live in the way you say my name.
You watch me, lift me off my toes
Learn the things nobody knows
Chose the things nobody chose
Gather all my pain in your strong arms
Whisper your happy my soul touched yours and that
I’m altogether more than this compilation of scars.
No matter how far I fall
Into dark
No matter how much life
Costs
I swear I see you.
And when I feel small under skies full of stars,
I feel found , tucked under your arm.
I feel safe under your gaze
And I can spend days in your space,
Saying everything,
Saying nothing,
At a comfortable distance,
In the thrill when we’re touching.
And your my best friend I’ve always loved
To keep loving.
Everything changes,
But this familiar thrumming

Three years later
And I still can't bring myself
To  walk that dirt driven path

With every secret,
Every whisper you spoke
Shoved under cracked rocks
And faded footsteps
Waiting to resurface

I'm half stumbling my way
To your name
And  You see,
this whiskey
It tastes like hell
But I can't help sipping
The memory of your lips

You are the rain
That drenches my paper heart
Just enough to tear
With one touch

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.