I loved you like a brother for so much longer than you ever deserved
Somehow those fourteen years have slipped away from me
And I think that if we're being honest you don't know a thing about me
Let me tell you that there is good reason for this
I hope that someday it hits you out of nowhere like a broken bungie cord
We gave you a home when home was the last place you wanted to be
But I can't escape the fact that all you can do is mock my very existence
Almost like you feel you could take my place so easily if I was gone
Removed somehow from a picture I was painted into years before you
We all know that no monster can wear a mask forever
I've always known this day would come but I thought we had passed all this
Maybe I should've known the day would come a second time
But somehow I always find you on my doorstep without a key
I fear that I will never be rid of you because even when you're gone you find a way
You don't even hear the words that come out of your mouth
It used to be empty apologies every other day
But now its just an offense without an amend I honestly thought you were smarter than this
You make me sick and I'd trade you for the plague just to feel peace
I've never heard someone talk so much with nothing to say and no ears to listen
You once told me that the only reason you would never leave her
Is because you know you would never find someone else who could love you
What a waste of a beautiful girl who will never know any better
Than to sell her heart in fifth grade and never learn how to take it back
People like you are everything that's wrong with the world
I had hoped I would learn something from this at the very least
But maybe all I can take away from this is that some people can't be changed
I never wanted to think like this but this is the change you've made in me
At night I tear you apart in my dreams and I'm so sorry but I wake up with a smile
*~W.C.

i feel like i am boiling.
i'm not sure if that makes sense.

i imagine you in grays and blues
and paved streets and brick
buildings. you are so very much
in your element on concrete and
in architectural feats. i knew you
would not settle (how could you)
with me but i was hoping for a
change of heart change of pace
change of of of of you and me and
some semblance of a future like we
talked about. where is the line
between wanting and needing
because i think i crossed it back in
november the first time you said
my name and squinted one eye
at me that way i like. sometimes i
look east and wonder if the london
air feels lucky to wrap itself
around you. do you ever look west
and wonder the same of me?

I'm sitting on a fence
by the field
opposite the drive
leading to the church

it's a fine day
sun is out
birds are flying
and singing

I can smell flowers
in the air
and smells
from the cows nearby

Jane said
to meet her here
I wait
watching the drive

then she appears
she's dressed
in a green
flowered dress

her dark hair
is in bunches
tied with green ribbon
I like how she walks

her dress flapping
about her
her hands by her side
I get off the fence

and go meet her
she smiles
I smile
she waves

I wave
been waiting long?
I've been helping Daddy
with his sermon

for Sunday
o good
no not been waiting long
(I had

but I wouldn't
tell her that)
do you mind
walking with me

to the post office
and shop
I need to get
something

for my mother?
no sure
be good to walk
with you

so we walk
and I notice
she has a bag
wrapped up

in her left hand
her other hand is free
and is near me
I want to hold it

but don't want
to seem presumptuous
she talks of her cat
which has had kittens

and tells me
their colouring
and what they
get up to

and what
she feeds them on
and I am listening
not for the subject matter

but for the sound
of her voice
and her near by me
her hand close to mine

mere inches away  
she asks about my pets
we have a cat
it's black and white  

and it doesn't
get on well
with our dog
and chases her

whenever
she gets too near
o dear
Jane says

why is that?
no idea
maybe they'll
get on later

I say
our hands
are nearly touching
hers small and pale

and mine waiting there
itching to hold
but I don't
not until I'm told.

This is our very own '84
they watch where you've been
they see what you wore,
who you were with and who's
given who what,
recorded and sorted
filed and reviewed,
I wonder what kind of a camera
they use and
when do
they choose to use it.

This is our very own '84
we've been eighty-sixed.