..

God I can hear your heartbeat
I still feel your hands against mine
I still can hear your breath against my neck
I still can see your blue eyes
I still feel your legs tangled between mine
I know the world is black and white
but you fill everything with color
I can still see the red
the blue
the green
the blankets
I still taste your lips
I don't want to see you go so I still remember you hugging me

...

I'D LET YOU RIP OUT MY GIANT HEART THAT WON'T STOP BEATING AND I'D LET YOU KISS MY UNTIL MY LIPS BECAME NUMB BECAUSE I'D BE YOUR PAPER DOLL IF YOU WANTED TO PLAY. YOU'RE THE ******* NIGHT SKY AND I WANT YOU TO KISS ME BENEATH THE STARS. GOD LET'S GO TO THE CITY AND LET'S GET LOST IN THE BOULEVARDS AT NIGHT. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING. YOU COULD BE TWO DRINKS IN AND I'D BE THE ALCOHOL IN YOUR GLASS.

daydreaming of *** and actually liking the idea of making deals like "you clean the dishes, i'll do the laundry and take out the trash"

it's pretty simple, i guess
no crows picking at the thoughts under my skull
no claw marks on my back from everyone who ever tried to stab me there
no knots of hair in the corners of my eye lids built up from years of trying to hide behind a frizzy blonde
life can be simple because it's all only metaphors
most things i think could be so much simpler

so instead of
me being a small cactus missing many ****** and him being the sun that allows me to grow tall anyway
he's just a guy that i love who makes me think a little clearer and feel a little stronger
and instead of
sitting at the bottom of a lake with the whole world still raining on me, seaweed wrapped around my hips so tight it stung
i was just a girl sitting in the tub under shower jets, letting the water wash away the blood

**** metaphors

i've never been a first choice
i've always been an object
i've never loved like this
i've never been loved like this