i stare up at the splotchy night sky
and wish for you
you're still hidden in the shadows of my heart
buried deep in layers of self-loathing
dressed in starvation and ****** mary's
i long for you
from a place i am not yet aware of
i wish i knew who you were

i saw your reflection
in the rear-view mirror
driving down an
interstate; was it to get
away from you or
from myself?

you never knew when
to stop, but maybe you
did know and you
ignored all the times
i said the word ‘no’;
you hate that one

red lights flashing
my eyes start to water
and the steering wheel
pounds like my heart
and everything is out
of my control;

did you take away
my control or did
i do it to myself?
held it over my
head like a mistletoe
and i said no

i said no
but your hands
phantom-like
trailed over my skin
i said no and
you still did it

you ****** up
but would you
call it a mistake
if you did it
to hurt me in
the first place?

may he rot
in an open grave
where the earth
can reclaim his
body for something
new and something
better

something that
can’t touch

something that
can’t hurt

something that
can’t speak

rage in its purest form
swing the baseball bat
against his skull
over and over again
blood soaking canvas shoes
wood against flesh
and wood against bone

treat him like he
treated me

it’s only fair
isn’t it?

may he find redemption
at the hands of his god