The constricting walls reflect nothing,
allow nothing, it's simply the dusty
depression of a room within
a house within a failed marriage,
barren of love or hope of continuing.
Only a break in the tilting blinds
allows a razor's shard of light through
to the suffocating heaviness of the
room, slanting across the floor
to the feet of the man in his chair,
clutching the near-empty bottle.
The man he is now, a diminished shell
devoid of dreams and plans,
of sexuality and a passion for life,
can only long to be the man he was.

–

So on the fourth of July
I decided to flush Zen
down the toilet,
to give it up
because it has become
such a heavy weight
and when I did
everything
seemed like nothing
more substantial
than water draining
through my fingers
so that was how
I found Zen again.

i'm sinking like a stone in the sea.
i'm burning like a bridge for your body.
it used to be the reason i breathed but now
it's choking me up.
[die young and save yourself.]
she hits the lights- this doesn't seem quite fair.

and we won't let you in.
we don't want what isn't ours.
we won't let you in.
you win,
you win,
you win.

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.

gave up my body and bed, all for an empty hotel.
wasting words on lower cases and capitals.
i lie for only you, and i lie well.
you are second hand smoke; you are so fragile and thin.
standing trial for your sins, holding onto yourself.
[the best you can.]

you are the smell before rain.
you are the blood in my veins.
call me a safe bet. i'm betting I'm not.
i'm glad that you can forgive-
i'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

in a car outside, we stalk the idle kind.
if you're leaving, just let me know.
tobacco and peppermint, dusting for fingerprints.
a film in her eyes from the glow.
some rules are made with all intentions to break
[and she defends it with a warped rationale.]

i've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans, and
my tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent.
if i could i would shrink myself and
sink through your skin to your blood cells and
remove whatever makes you hurt but
i am too weak to be your cure.

i'll speak my mind whenever I feel slighted.
i am hellbent on extracting all of my revenge.
take heart, sweetheart, or i will take it from you.
i spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.

i know that this is what you want; a funeral keeps both of us apart.
you know that you are not alone.
need you like water in my lungs.
this is the end.

Off too soon
With the moon hanging high white flourescent
Is there a meaning to the written word?
Finding loose notes amongst the rubble
Wearing a worn face, dirtied stubble
Translating emotions into syntax riding structure
Telling myself
Everything will not be alright
For the moon soon fades away forever
Which is replaced by the sun
Mixing the two worlds
Of pure absolute chaos
All existing as one
In the eye of the storm
As if taken from one's bed
In the middle of the night
Much like the dreams of authors
Living lives by the word
But now forever resting
Dead & dead
Friends tell me to live
And I
In return
Ask how?

She gently touches the skin on her face
Where her beauty used to be
The wrinkles reach out for her fingers
Caressing them tenderly

A tear escapes and rolls to her cheek
As she weeps for the years gone by
She paid the debt the time demands
Without ever questioning why

Everything she lived for has passed away
She's left to pickup the pieces
Her memory fades a little more each day
Her forgetfulness only increases

She sits by the window and silently stares
As another day comes and goes
Today she turns a hundred years old
A birthday that destiny chose

She gently touches the skin on her face
Somewhere this story is true
There's no one to sing happy birthday
This woman could one day be you