Red lines running through my
       mind all day
I cannot make them


                go away
   cannot let the thoughts
                  sink in
Like a razor in my skin


Cannot let them win

The urge is more
     overwhelming
                       every day
I cannot make it
               go away.
I wake up with tears
           in my eyes
and go to bed
              just the same.


I know I am fighting
          a battle

that I will eventually
           lose.

Sometimes it feels like
we're just making excuses
to not see each other.
Is that what's happening
or
am I just overthinking things?
Are we getting closer
or further apart?

Do I
still truly
have your heart?

Why does the human heart
have to love
       so much?
Why do I have to
                                 yearn?
I would like to accept
  that things are
      the way they are
   And who cares?
                                     But I do
                    too much.
I want such a different
     life than I am living
And it's not so easy
to just "take a different path."
I like the road I'm on
It is just
    far too slow
          And it's killing me.

I'm so tired of breathing
                        the same
                           stale
                            air
So tire of waking
                     to nobody
                          there
Unbearably sick of
                       living
                            dependent

I can't stand it.

I want to move forward
so badly
but all this time
a spire
has stood in our way.
I love you as hard
as I could imagine
loving anyone
but still
it's not enough.

I am not allowed to live with you
because they would disagree.
And
we cannot
get married
because you are not free.

You say that you're sorry
and I surely believe you
but
it doesn't change things.

I still sleep
                      alone.
And we lie
                      perfectly.

I don't want to live this way.

I cannot keep doing this.

I need to
escape
escape
escape
escape

I don't often find
sharp edges
on you.
It's startling
to see how easily
those harsh words
mean everything.

That time it was you
and I
recall
a few other times that
you were the cause

Just cause
I pretend so easily
doesn't mean
they don't
cut straight into me

You're not an enemy
But sometimes
the result is just the same.

Strange,
Making you a "failure"
is as filled with guilt
As making him one.

Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Pl­ease
Don't **** yourself.