if i could tell you
how much i miss your shadow
at night
when i am asleep

i still wouldn't

I should have kept my feeling locked away
I shouldn't have let you in
I should have kept telling the lie
I shouldn't have showed the marks on my skin
I should have kept crying alone in the dark
I shouldn't have unlocked the door
I shouldn't have told you anything
I should have stayed on the floor
Now the tears stream down my cheek
You said you wouldn't leave me alone
The you let me die like the rest of them
Because of the marks I shouldn't have shown
The thoughts of it getting stronger
But there isn't a quick enough way to leave
Alone until I can find the way out
And there are no lies to believe
Until that time can come
I have to sit and cry
Trapped by my own thoughts
Not wanting to but still trying to die
Breaking the veins and bones
Just to lose a bit of pain
Then the hurt gets worse
So bad that it won't drain
Shattered from trusting
Broken from tears
Heart forever bricked up
So that no one else can hear
Trust now a dream
A wish that won't come true
No clear point in trying
Done with what I've been through
Fine with just dying
And letting it all go
So that I won't have to be afraid
Of letting the emotions flow
Your smile cut me deep
But I needed it more and more
I needed you while I cried
And you left me on the floor
The 9mm at my temple
You didn't notice the red
The splatters on the wall
You never knew I was dead
You took my happiness from me
And left despair in my soul
You robbed me of everything
So I would think you made me whole
To play with my emotions
And make me mark my skin
Is your definition of love
I'm better off without friends

I think after this break
my body has forgotten how to hold the strain

and that's why I'm tired because all these responsibilities are piled back on with no adjustment


n.v.

Who do I cry for anymore?
Myself or lack thereof?