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Somewhere far below me in the valley of the madmen where the shadows follow shadows and they cast away the darkness
and the moonlight fights a battle with the candle flames in Harlem,where the movie makers haggle over starlets in the making,
I am home.
Southeast in the castles where the abbey men are sleeping and the shining of the bells will make for clearer sounds of morning and the dogs eat Chinese noodles as if they're waiting for a wedding but the moon still fights its battle with the candle flames in Harlem,
I am home.
If this home is where the heart is and we start at some beginning,does the ending come before that,have we been here,is it more than,just a sheepdip in the evening, where the flames lay dying,bleeding and the dogs have finished feeding,is it abbey men on battlements dispersing holy sacraments,
is it life or is it cheesecake,,is this why I ache to taste it, is it why I want to waste or feed alone.
I scroll through Instagram and Facebook and there's even stuff on snapchat of all these people that are so happy and celebrating their dads and it's not fair. Because all I have is pictures to stare at and wish he was here but no matter how much I stare and scream and beg God... He's not gonna come back. No matter how much I miss how. How much I need him. How much I want him he's gona. And I'm never gonna be able to accept that. And it's 9:30 at night in summer and I should be out with friends but I'm not because I'm too sad so I'm just laying here in bed curled in a ball crying so hard I can't breathe writing this stupid ******* paragraph because he's never coming back... And I can't cope with that...
Oh how low hath we come
to remember a father a day
Everyday is he not a father
His love can it be chained to a day
a number a month on a calendar
Or doth we have no time for him
Or is it enough just one day we him joy
father is he not to us every breath
forget fathers day love your father everyday
If this words have hurt any sentiments I do apologize but I sincerely feel by making all these special days we make them distant
social
anxiety
trying to find the fight in me
the part that doesn't say
just don't go
just stay home
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