i remember when someone kissed my hipbones last:
it was years ago, in the dark.
you don't know now how long it's lasted,
like a disease eating away at the bone
where the sweet warmth of kisses should be.
i miss the way you pulled me to your core,
yet your hands were hooks,
puncturing me
"catching me"
like stealing a fish from the place where it is free,
only to cut its head off,
scale it,
filet it,
until it's easy to eat.
i'm in a bed like a net that has protected me
from falling into a canyon of fear,
drowning in its tumultuous rivers
which beat me against rocks.
when i can sleep again
maybe i'll find someone else to join me,
someone who will let go when their kisses are dry.

Quiet carries a chaos,
hidden between the lines.
Chaos carries a serenity,
hidden deep in the mind.

Disobey them.
Keep your secret place, behind the stairs,
Make sure you hide there, at lunchtime
They will never find you.
Take a book
You will remember these moments, far into the future
The teachers and your parents are all wrong
You do not need the others
They will only cause you pain.

In a little while
Your purse will be stolen
And the £5 you needed to buy a mother's day present, will be gone.
A kindly caretaker will lend you the money,
You'll agree to pay it back, £1 per week.
Don't go back on your promise.
Don't hide from him, so you can keep your pennies.
He will die, unexpectedly of a heart attack
You will sing 'Pie Jesu' for him, in front of the whole school
Knowing you still owed so much
Never able to pay it back.

Never get the 370 bus.
One day, a group will surround you there while waiting,
And cover you with spit.
They'll twist your arms behind your back
Burn you with cigarettes,
And send you fleeing back to school
Crying, with phlegm-flecked spittle in your hair.
You will never get over it
So always walk a half mile further
And take the other bus.

And finally,
This will all be over sooner than you think
The supposed best days of your life, your living hell.
One day you will be beautiful,
Really beautiful
You will have beautiful, dramatic dilemmas
You'll dance and laugh and have so many friends
(When it's your TIME to have friends
Not when told to find some)
You are beautiful now,
But no-one else can see.
Soon, soon sweet girl, they'll see
Stay strong, get through it
I promise it gets better.