Love is like a ******
Weakness for somebody
Love is the biggest drug
You cannot stop
You don’t see yourself as a wreck
Just give me that dope
Which keeps me alive
Forever
Even after all the years
you’d rather die than reconcile
that there won’t be another dose
that there won’t be another moment with her

I cannot think
Nor can I sleep
I dived into you
Much too deep

You won't promise
What you can't keep
Leaving my love
Wandering the street

It's hopeless to hope
To make a leap
The path to you
Is just so steep

It curls and falls
It's long and wide
I frantically walk along
With both hands tied

In the end it's you
Or this desperately looking world
It's unclear by whom
I'll remain timidly(lonely) curled

if
  I
  don’t
   care
    about
     the
      sky

This is the hundredth cigarette disappearing
In the night through autumn leaves choking
Some hungrily looking thousand stars
I think about you
How I lost path for hollow ends
My mind devastated for suffering
Caused by the darkening truth of soul
Ash falls again on the ground
And hides into the nothingness where I
Linger with it blindfolded as universe
With its eternity of lifeless eyes
Only for the tip of the hundred and first
cigarette the light in my heart survives
Endless disputes and arguments of
How to change what once was
Make us forget about the future
In which only we are free
This is the hundred and second cigarette
And it's closing time as it seems to be
You went to bed (the day is lost)
Why is it that every time I open my heart
Something sharp but shapeless comes out
To **** and devour your alleged hopes
To lie or tell the truth (it matters not)
To take something back
And torture that something with silence
For silence remains around
Taking more space still until
Tomorrow the light will return
With future holding the keys to happiness
Then I'll try once again
To burn your fears
To end our pain

For long I was not myself
My true form being only inside
Outside a scarecrow of pain
Smiling upon the world
Like endless vanity
Thundering in calm
Then (without even knowing)
You reached into me
(Into the corners of my
Forgotten soul
Into the heavy heart already
Bled to death)
And touched gently the roots
Of my very existence
Which started resonating inside
Like a bell chiming the end
Of pain
And my inside and outside
Became one

Now when I see you again
I will smile for you
But you won't know
I am awakened
A storm sprung to life
I smile because of you
But you don't know

I can't give you my heart
For I do not own it
My feelings etcetera etcetera
Cold in the sun flying
Undisturbed by birds
To forever more
To somebody else
My soul lingers alone
Temper the beast
Slowly moon speaking
Its part in the game of night
Love is etcetera etcetera
Your hair longing for
Some drops of rain
Warmly your hands touch
My desperately scarred mind
Fire burns
While it shiningly rains outside
Of our hearts
The light
The light changing ever
So fast without notice
Being alone is permanent
Ephemeral a mere illusion
Appearing lustfully in our lives
The day is done
Your lilac eyes are shut
Showing no colour to the world
And I watch the rain
Thunder lightning a play
Of God deadly and beautiful
I see emptiness but I may
Only be looking inside myself
For the world is imposing void
One time and overcrowded
Silly small and painful the other
My feelings etcetera etcetera
I couldn't give you my heart
For if I owned it
I'd give it again to her

Breathless, the late dawn
Touches the stillness of windowpanes,
While cat lies, gently resting on the lawn.
The leaf withered, floats in shallow pond to die.
Herds of orange clouds spread
Their dreamy fingers across the sky.

Everything was as it should have been.
You were here (then and now) with me.
And then, the breathless day was suddenly set
And about to finish its perpetual journey.

Now, the footfalls echo through the empty apartment,
Playing the fake tune of here and always.
What was once young at bloom now lies
Trampled by the time hurried in its eternal chase.

Sitting at this limbo between summer and winter,
The crossroads of midnight and noon,
I behold the sky full of sun turn grey-
The silent reproach below the pale moon.

Then and there, the tempest, resource deified,
Attacks my solitude- and blows away the crust
That once, I think, beat as my heart,
Blows away the memories woven with rust,
And finally is breathless at dawn,
Watching as we slowly turn into dust.

I speak to thee death
You know how much time is left
I fear her eyes get dark
And loveless the days
Go by leaving no traces on her face

I speak to thee life
Walking the time always ready to fight
I pray her lips remember my name
And careless the days
Go by but memories head the other way

I speak to thee my love
For I see the way you leave in the morning
I know your love is gone
And helpless the days
Go by until that one night you won't return

I speak to thee God
Knowing the absurdity of your existence
I say please redeem us
While lightless the days
Go by for me and for her the future shines

I used to call you Čiči
a name of little girl
from
a monster fairytail

You always smiled
and my heart stopped
for awhile

I lived for those few
seconds of happiness

I used to call you my love
as one of many clichés
in our lives

Because a true love’s
always a big cliché
burning at stake

I lived for those times
when you were mine

just maybe
it is
in the end
on the nearest road
vanishing amongst the stars
like old men
with an old prayer

just maybe
it is
in the end
on the lost path
gleaming amongst the road rocks
like a vigorous men
who killed themselves

just maybe
it is
in the end
imposible to grasp
madness from God
and his holy suffering
around the gates of dawn

cold lone ages of misery
how unbearable you are
to die and become nothing
to reach the end of the line
to give trust upon few
to bring peace upon many
to give them your money
and swear them your lives
to die in their war
on your arms blood
of another man
to live in factory
to make money for food
so your wretched little son
won’t starve to death
but inside the death’s already here
around you
on floor on walls
in us
*
the death of light
the death of freedom
the death
the end
the luminous curves of your body
the last breath you take before waking up
and look in your eyes seeing me there
my love the death of always
a small piece of hope perished
here
in this life I am
forever and alone
(same sun greeting your mornings
another man lying
in your bed)

nobody ever filled my missing parts
nobody could get me so high
but you with your questions about
history and politics
while the burning passion within
(which
swept away cold walls of my mind)
grabbed me by the soul and gently kissed...
(slight enough to break wings of butterfly)

...but here and now those parts are missing
yet again
here in my violent stubborn heart
while outside haunting wind
provokes the outrage of the chimes
(never to touch the face so fair
never to hear another subtle breath)

I should go to sleep!
I should go to sleep…

…desolation comes upon the days
painting the time with little pieces
of suffering (how can I close my eyes
hearing it coming with malevolence
in its steps)

Good-bye
Good-bye
and always my love

yours nobody

***

The river's flow cannot be halted easily
and the one who holds on to it’s stream
is not lost at least until it reaches the sea.
But to go against the austere flow
is only the way of remembrance
of things best left to forget.
Even to throw oneself into the water,
expecting it to enclose the sinking feeling
and freeze it by the cold,
leads only to a loss of the ability
to set one’s own pace,
to forfeit rest and sanity
in an unequal exchange
of ice shard for free will.

Yes, it happens sometimes
that the river might seem broken,
forgotten and conquered by the bridges,
infected with small ships and big boats,
or the heat of the august sun might
dry up and hollowed out its bank.
But the world is only temporary,
measured by time and space.
And so the river, from time to time,
releases its fury to remind the man
of his inevitable mortality.

I, who has been walking
on the strand for so long,
sit next to the transparent god
who has been there when we first met
long way up the stream.
I think of the time we travelled together
and how you left for the other shore
just when the river showed us its rage.
I’ve been sitting here for endless time now,
seen hundred suns go up and down,
cold rain, ferocious wind with no shelter
for weary soul.

Now it must be the time to finally move on
for you are not here,
not in any way near me,
only in my head,
only in memory,
and the love I feel is only in the past,
upstream where we’ll never walk again.
So farewell to you
and farewell to 2020.

The things that are about to be
and those that never happen...
Nothing vanishes for
nothing appears
Laugh until you can
(because there is no laughter)
In the middle of the lake
there is no lake at all
no world
memory or
thought

(Me is whole in this place
though in this place there is no me
there is no such place in me)

Master meditates at a crack of dawn
while leaves fall from careless trees
Winter is on its way sliding through
images of reflective time

When student comes he knows better
than to wake up his master’s thoughts
He would like to ask:
“Master! What is Zen? What it means to be alive?”

Instead, watching the horizon painting
the blue waves green
He sits next to his master
and starts contemplating with him

This rose is bare but for thorns
Dried blood once shed on its petals
Is forever gone lost in wind
While eternity hollows the unborn
On these stony shores
Where only flowerless roses bloom
And before anything starts
Everything is done
Before storm there is another one
And afterwards the sea is full of fear
For rain is mixed with horizon
(Ships have no place to land)
Hostile world in lost part of universe
Paints the hills above in darkened shades
Of black while birds fly until they tire
And fall from the sky to some shallow place
There is you blind and naked
And there is me furthest to close
When I touch you your eyes perish
And into the darkness everything goes
While in my depths unneeded soul howls
In this world of you and me only flowerless rose grows

I walked the street
for a dose of black rocks
('cause there was nothing else
but the moon and sun)
and I froze seeing you
in front of me smiling like rose
I hugged you and kissed you
cried and joyed
But it was only me dreaming
On the floor
dying
overdosed

I watch you sleeping
in the morning
with little drops
of dew on your eyelids
the sun shines dim
through closed curtains
you breath as
gentle as universe spins
miniature birds fly
for us but dare not sing
as to not disturb you
their goddess of the Earth
and I look at the
center of my world

those who

say that love

fades never

have known her

Love is with a blowing wind
Always here but heading
For some other place

Love is with the roaring waves
Giving and taking life
For their pleasure

Love is with the burning flame
At times shining warm
Yet still consuming

Love is with the vicious storms
Spreading their bony fingers
With deadly touch across the world

Love is in the morning skies
Coloured like my lovers eyes
But the clouds have come to rest upon them

Love is like a howling wind
Speeding through us
To some other place

I’ve been washed up upon foreign shore
hollowed by the sea wave to the core.
My body had gone, my mind had died,
Only my love survived.

Caught in a whirlpool in mercy of the tide
I was so hungry I had to swallow my pride.
And when everything was denied,
Still, my love survived.

When no longer haunted by images of you,
No longer green, no longer blue,
No tear left for the eye to cry,
Only my love will survive.

And this is my redemption song
With no one to sing along.
When we’ve dealt with all the lies
Only my love survives.

With memories and all the senses gone
I wait for the final and eternal dawn.
Fights, sadness, hopelessness, it all dies,
Only my love survives.

And if you look for me again,
You will find me without any pain.
And you'll find (if you just tried)
That only my love survived.

What a tender soul
(or heart of fire)
can write about love
(such gentle force
to make eternity last longer)
what miracles in
a form of life can be
found written on her
(by the holy flame)

It’s like when bird
lovely sings
(or other cries in his song)
making Earth’s burden
a little less heavy
(a little more natural)

Poets are like birds
and lessening burden
like a love of man
(both beyond the time)

Silence of going home
Birds dead hanged from
Trees and trees dead
Black white ash
Land where prophet died
Preaching suicide
To which many committed
But never wholly on their
Own together into the abyss
That wasn't filled with light
For centuries (nor tomorrow
Will freshen its hungry dry lips)
To which I fell and the silence
Took me for its own
And where two once stood
There was me the silence one
And you the silence in the sun
So far away it doesn't even care
For its beams to *** to these
Parts of dark dark universe
Prayers forgotten people mistaken
For shadow in its own land
And the birds hanged from trees
Or electric cables not used
For so long it doesn't even matter
Prophet killed new day born
Soul hidden under layers of hate
And love o love nowhere everywhere
Forever never there (not there)
We and us and them watching
Falling calling using loving dying
End

Like a cigarette smoke
Love disappeared from her lips
Bitter sun shone upon the tips of trees
He knew all was lost
Upon the lilac petals
Of yellow reality
She won’t return

I'm strong and faithful like a flame
(But you keep that part
And I only wear my other half)
Won’t you just leave me be darling
Won’t you just walk away from my dreams
or stop being in my head more
than (and always stronger)
a though of suicide?
You say you hate me and this place
(like I could do something with
the dead silence around you)
more than sleeping on
thousand deadly snakes
(as if your world now was
just a walk in a park)
Once you told me you want to be happy
and yet (falling like the first
drops of starting rain)
when I offered you happiness
you said you loved the pain
what was I supposed to do
(being only a blind man
begging for love)
than to leave you
and never coming back again?

Hello
Will you cure this madness of mine?
Say nothing
I'll just walk on by
Nevermind
Seeing me heading forward alone
I've said hello many times
I've said goodbye and been gone
But I´ve never waited too long
For halfhearted replies

His heart was a stone
But it still was broken.
(There's no reason why life should
Be good or bad,
Pretty or sad.)
He died like
Cold rain falling.
His heart is now
One with the earth
While she moved on
And flew into the sky.

It’s been over
a while darling
but I still
can’t force
my dreams to
                          stop
making me cry
in the morning
and question...
        (once again)
...question everything

Gray suited mad man sitting
in an armchair with blue eyed
sight beneath the depth of words
lit his and hers cigarette and releases
the smoke desperately imprisoned from
its birth by mouth by lungs dissolving
in the space of sickly white walls
where it mixing with presence
it passionatly dances in ephemeral
lustfully mediocre air
He said
in the morning I was a corpse
impatiently waiting for time to
breath into me a smear of life
I washed my hands I smoked
I turned on the radio and let
the music flew its way to an end
I had a glass and then another
and another until I thought it
safe to finally put on the mask
of smiles and unchanging
incarcerating compassion that was
supposed to dwell in all of us
She smiled
suspiciosly touching her hair
as if she could not tell whether
she liked him or not
She asked
if this face of yours which is never
to be found in the sketchy mornings
is not in fact your face, then what
do you wear it on? Don’t you suffer
from suffocation
from overheat? Don’t
you want to live as free?
He smiled
raising a glass to his false lips
that taste so much of a sin but not guilt
He said
something so cold does not mind
the sunshine and that which does not
breath the lack of air
I wake up dead and leave the house living
but only to an untrained eye for
hollow can see another hollow
trying to hide itself in deceptive depth
my eyes are the mirror into which you
cannot look for you do not understand
the important unimportance of birds
multiplying each year just to multiply
or of trees that grow and are cut down
no matter the time when woodcutters
step on gentle summerbreeze
you say it is so it is
and others it is but it cannot be
drowning their lives in never changing
reality achieved by praying and LSD
they fear what I have to say
it is not and it must not be
He fell silent
reaching for another cigarette he
realised she was puzzled
She said
but isn’t it you who drink all day
just to forget the scenery of pain?
He smiled
He said
and isn’t it you who give yourself
to all those men to hide before
an unreal reality of nothingness
She shrugged
for he was right that it wasn’t
disarable to drunkenly watch
and name the colours of the rain
Nothing else was said
he paid and they left
afterwards they lied in his bed
he smoking a cigarette
She said
don’t tell me that there was nothing
you have felt for your heart was
racing with your breath
He smiled
thinking
but have you seen my eyes darling
O you poor deceived woman
only they tell the truth hidden in
the hollowest corner of the blue
that lifeless soul cannot be fed
that simple mask to put on in the morning
cannot enliven the dead

I met a butterfly
On my way to Jötunheim
With a hammer in my heart

I met a butterfly
With luminous wings
That stopped for a while
As in the deepest time of night
When even birds are quiet
While whisper lets out a lie

It descended upon my horse’s ear
Blue and green on chestnut hair
Our pace was unrelenting
And also weary from the err
Souls heavily pushing
this meaty cart
I met a butterfly
On my way to Jötunheim
With a hammer in my heart

What is to think of this life
Caught between the night and day
When even seer sees only partly and
Many times different as same
A Hero famous for a thousand years
Or a beggar without a name
From our souls blooms
Like a flower a poisonous dart
I met a butterfly
On my way to Jötunheim
With a hammer in my heart

And yet I think that in a way
‘Tis more real than these hands
That clutch the oars

The moment ended
And the wings spread to depart
To continue in their blind
Pursuit to cheat the death
This delicate unlearnable art
I met a butterfly
On my way to Jötunheim
With a hammer in my heart

So this is over
you’re out of my life

A paradox indeed

for if you were my world
I wouldn't be alive

It was a magical thing to
go to that point
where the reddish bus
had its final stop
every 20 minutes trailing
round the block
seven days and every
season’s week

As I got out on the
cold asphalt pavement
leading to your home
my heart slowly stopped
I waited for more
and then you were there
walking towards me
your smile made the whole
world look uninteresting
I was a slave to your words
and a good one I wanted to be
So you with your piercing eyes
would keep talking to me

So you with your kiss of life
would bring some hope onto me

Like an angel of fire
sprang through my faith
as an endless desire

Coming home from
the last stop of bus 66
I feel I miss you
I feel I need more

Eternity cried
(Falling leaves are angels
From the skies dead
Old as all the spring and
Summer days)
This love is not to be
(Nor is the other one
Even when it's beginning
Sickness dwells in her soul
Doomed and ******)
Happiness isn't coming
(Just as God never existed
And still never was absent
In the heart of land
Raising poor souls)
You gave me pain
(Making me to live
In the past
the cold bed so shallow
Shorter of your shadow)
You offered a choice
(You asked the deaf to sing
A song of love
And told him to
To do it in silence)
You remain with him
(And as our love is ashes
He may give you
A new hope
The Smallest of sparks)
Hold him as once you hold me
(And keep the fire on babe
Without your feelings
Of anger, betrayal and injustice
Don't keep your love scared)
Say farewell
(Like thousand times before
You and I said hello
But this is different
Our last goodbye)
We don't talk anymore
(Walking the earth
Feeling the presence [the love] of
Each other without seeing
Both of us rooting in time)
And maybe we are free
(Maybe still not able
To rattle to unlock the chains
We have on each other
Praying for love to die)
Please don't follow me
(For I could lift you
And take everywhere in my arms
For I could kiss you
And leave the pain behind)

God of medicine
Have mercy on him,
Uproot this feeling
That dwells within.

Give him your healing blood
So he could sleep like a log,
Secure him dreamless night
By thy single sweetened drop.

Unsatisfied remains his love
That touches like bitter breeze
The tender spots in his heart
And cleaves his mind apart.

Be like a rose, or be like a sword,
Calm him down with your word,
Give him just a shadow of hope,
Or help to tie a noose on his rope.

God of medicine
Have some mercy on him.
Take the silent pain he feels within
Or let his tired eyes grow dim.

i am who i am
and who i was i don’t remember.
i’ve forgotten much of life.
and you
the first clear day after years of sickness
first fresh air that healed my lungs
you are my connection to the world
through your heart my heart finds a way
soul finds soul as i know only you
and myself i know only through you.
happiness is with us and also the pain
life is playing itself mercilessly before us
we laugh in the sun as we do in the rain.
so let me hold your hand
and walk you into the flowerbeds.
there may be some thorns
but if we’re careful
only by a little blooded ire
the flowers will be stained
but by great great affection
their roots and sprouts will be filled.

If your love is locked inside you
and no one else can relate
I tell you brother, just selfmedicate

If you feel alone with shields
up so no one can penetrate
I tell you brother, just selfmedicate

Whenever they tell you that it’s wrong
and every route once taken you can retake
I tell you brother, don’t listen, just selfmedicate

The trees coloured purple with dancing birds
voices of people made to degenerate
I tell you brother, just selfmedicate

when you killed and scared your soul
with no chance to regenerate
I tell you brother, just selfmedicate

And if you did wrongs to world
without a chance to compensate
I tell you brother, just selfmedicate

She was but a spring
Angrily knocking on winters
Door covered with ice cracks
And once torn and smashed apart
She gave her blooded hands
To dry and sooth those moonlight palms
To kiss the fingers upon madness
To take her by the hand and show her the world
Cold and without meaning unprepared
Waiting for her eyes to show the sun
And smallest leaves and little flowers
Or to hear an unheard morning song
While time floats by the empty streets

A spring she was
For she knew not how to
But still melted people's hearts
To plant the seed of life that was
So impatiently waiting in the snow
To know all things that were to know
And once planted
Once melted
She showed a beautiful world of her own

Here I am babe
naked on the bed
of dreams waiting

And here you are darling
trembling gently
like a willow in the wind

Outside the moon sweetheart
spies on your pale legs
jealous to take part

So please hurry love
for I’m desperate
for your gentle touch

When you lay your spirit
on mine we start to burn
but please don’t fear it

Just Remember

What they told you back in time:
"You must shine when you burn baby;
Burn and Shine.”

I love you
but what good has that ever done?
maybe few smiles
but deep inside
you are still alone
locked
scared
sickened
you hold a little lamp inside an empty room
knowing it to be the only light
that the world is to offer
you believe people are unreliable
the keys are lost in piles of dirt
(the moon has never seen your face)
and yet when I look through the keyhole
desperate to reach out for you
I see a pair of glowing brown eyes
they are hard and yet wondering
your face is the picture of Venus
defiant, proud and simply beautiful
but still capable of loving
So put your hands into dirt
search this whole sad gloomy room
to find the key that opens lock
because nobody can get through

Half moon there and
Half somewhere else
Even stars wonder
Only moon knows

How can people cross the night
Without a thought of suicide
When the only light is light
Of cigarette burning in fight
And the stars wonder
Of ones that are dying or getting older
Each day each night
Without a thought of suicide

Half moon there and
Half somewhere else
Even stars wonder
Only moon knows

How can people live through the night
Without trying suicide
Maybe it's the half moon gone
Knowing how it is to be alone
In this long dark night
Having only half a heart
For the other one left
With tears and screams
Hopes and laughs
To die somewhere inside

It is now four and the stars
Are beginning to gently fade
The morning tools to eternity
To bring back horses of reality
To wake up this hostile sun
To separate us from hopeful dreams

I'm lying in the bed thinking
Of how I'll never see you again
But feel you beneath this face
Made of pieces of happier memories

It's always you who I make my tea with
Who I spend my days talking to
Who is no longer here
Only the darkness never runs
In which I stand like solitude hill
Afraid of dreams that lie
And then there comes the empty
Malevolent sun

Still the damage has been done

Not a single cloud in the sky
Only fiery miles away sun
And birds that can never stop
Themselves from flying
Or wanting to sing
My thoughts are the ones
Of an old wrinkled man
The one who is no more
In this world
Only perceives the time
Needing some space not to be
Questioned
To be left alone
Watching the setting sun
Or only to sit with closed eyes
Feeling all the fallen pasts
If only the world could wear silence
Though it seems as heavy burden
For life is no silent task to endure
Even when there is nothing living at all
And there is no one to hear the storm
Sounds of thunder reincarnate
The will to live as it stubbornly calls
For attention

*But gets none

Night and day
Sun runs moon limps
Sounds echo through
This supposed wasteland
Me being the motionless point
Of all the universe
Observer of known
Not understanding a thing
Absurdly absurd absurdity
Why this glass grabs that hand
What does unlock the rage
That makes us so violent
And love o love shinning everywhere
And nowhere is the love
Souls having been starved to madness
Jump hastily into her arms
Thinking of having found happiness
In a waterless pool
They hold their breath until they suffocate

Open your eyes to night and day
To sun that runs and moon that limps
To miles travelled and those yet to travel
Open your eyes to motion
To become motionless
And then dance the dance of absurdity
Become nothing and all
Dance like never before
On flames dance with bare feet
Always and never wounded
Heal your soul
Destroy it with hammerhead
Be one and none
Be for a second and then be gone

Falling star knocked the moon out of her course. There were floods and droughts. Somewhere above our hearts the sky was burning. We were helpless while universe watched. But it wasn't the worst that he's seen in mankind's age. He mildly remembers the times of war and hatred. Though however ****** the man was the anger seemed shallow to him. What he thought of was the million nights with starry skies made to make love. And while some did, others, like you and me, dwelled alone and empty inside watching the universe as he himself watched. The dark night showed only sorrowful face and silence lingered beneath the stars. Some thought about love that escaped their grasp, others felt lost caused not by the dark. And in both the universe saw the painting of pain as if souls could talk through their eyes. It is wonder that mankind thought the universe to understand the sole meaning of true solitude and despair. He came to realise that he too was the only one.