I avoid the camera not because I can't stand the way I look in the photo's but because I can't stand the way the photo show's how I look. Instead of presenting myself feeling true happiness, bliss and excitement it gives the idea of these pleasantries. It makes it look forced, not genuine. I avoid the camera because it doesn't show how I genuinely feel in that exact moment in time, nor does it fully support the display that I am trying to give out.

Amidst the sea of people
suffocating in the calumnation of their realm
ringed within the despair of others around them
and solemnly existing alongside the control of civilisation

Lay individuals heeding to their own opinions
shunned, ignored and stamped on by their peers
labeled as a nobody, as worthless and useless
and understood as not one of them
only as an error in the production of mankind

Free and unconstricted of the anguishing order
released as someone whom does not belong
condemned as not right in their head
and mentioned as unusual, absurd, crazy

Criticised as a dreadfully contrary being
memorised as a faulty move in the game of chess
expeditiously withdrawn from the establishment of humanity
and obliterated from the existence of their kind

Eyes judging from afar
fearing for their presence to be near
disgusted by their demeaning manner
and forced to abide within their deficient companionship

Once bound to free the shrieking tears
sobs and wails heard from others
begging for acceptance and help
and chasing the deemed worthy for assistance

Metamorphosed into a satisfactory compliance of themselves
buoyantly striding into the halls of the accounted worthy
neglecting the insults and protests of others
and middlingly acclimated to the continuance of being the hated

Disrespected, despised and dishonored they may be
but blithe, wild and free-spirited incorporated
effectively enhancing their blessed individualised life
and liberated from the provocation of those unwilling of exemption
forcefully claiming their unrighteous place in civilisation.

As they are, and always will be the outcast.

Have you ever felt that heart wrenching pain
throbbing inside you as the one thing it lives for saunters away?

Have you ever suffered the consumation of dread
dawdling into the fragments of your shattered heart?

Have you ever felt the darkness and despair creep over you
Devouring your every thought, desperately trying to feast upon your whole being?

Have you ever felt the desire for the agony to overwrite your worthless existence
begging for it to demolish every bit of you?

Like if it were to happen
you would sigh a great breath of relief, hopelessly embracing the sensation?

That's how I felt about you
the moment you growled those insensitive words at me
leaving me to crawl into my own defenition of disquest.  

That is how you selfishly left me behind
not caring how that would affect me,
how that abandonment would break me.

Movies are my passion, the thing I love to do, the thing I enjoy to an extent. People ask me why I am wasting my time sinking into the ineffective fantasy world of the movies instead of enjoying the dignified life of reality. Not many people understand my undying affection for this compelling activity of entertainment.  What they do not know is that the real world isn’t actually the real deal. It is a test, an absorbing guidance into the perfect afterlife or the anguishing heartbreak into the tormenting hell. It is their choice which one they choose. It is like the reality of realities in the movie of The Matrix or the corruption and sadness of the desolation of The Titanic. It may be the realness of Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen distressingly fighting for her life or the adventures of Shailene Woodley as Tris, loosing loved ones on her way. It could be the fans in the movies, screaming upon their idols or the hatred in the jealous, briskly spreading through the town. The inspiration is overwhelming and the education comes from the films, not from the institution they call school. The alive are in the fantasy and the real are in reality. They don’t understand the goodness that has not been seen in the life they call real.

She painfully stares and achingly gazes deep into the emotionless eyes she has never gotten use to no matter the intensifying years she has cowered under. The angelic smile graced upon her lips frowned into a languishing glower as she hears those melancholy scowls scrape out of that precious voice of yours. Her disappointed expression increases as your desperate urge for any type of detrimental reaction given off from the girl you claim as a meaningless soul, undeserving for the commendable respect you rarely bestow upon others. She lets her tears and her worries for you fall free as the aching and coldness of your heart evoked a tremor within the chasm of her abdomen. She argues and she begs for yourself to be disengaged from that fabricated character you have devoted yourself to be as the more aggressive punches and afflicting kicks are thrown onto her, causing greatly aggrandized worry and doubt to enter her mind. You’re consummate and jubilant days instantaneously flipped onto dark and lugubrious lifestyle, disowning as destroying your own inestimable life, only cumulating it much more powerfully. She screams and shouts, forcefully advocating the torment you have horrifically rendered to, horridly allowing the agony to tear through the apprehensive of her benevolence as your congenial laughter antipathetically snapped into one of your fallacious growls, attempting to intimidate her happiness, hoping for her contentment to vanquish in mid air. She does all of this, all over again, all stronger and harder than ever before, and all for one last time. Anger and frustration fuels in her veins, the gruesome expression stuck to your face sickening her, shaking her head in disgust. She puts aside the repulsive torment given to her by your own repulsive hands, replacing the ringing of insults and profanity unhesitatingly escaping the once innocent mouth of yours into a deep and miserable concern for your once prized anima. She does this all one last time, pointlessly hoping for a once in a lifetime miracle to occur. Her optimism and determination drives her adrenaline insane as the last sobs propel out of her throat. Every method has been used and repeated, each and every one has been desperately thrown to you with acrimony and exasperation furiously blasted within the hazardous mixture. Her courage dauntlessly roars as she holds her head high for the first time in eons, aggressively shoving you aside, clenching her fists as you potently stumble to the ground. She shrieks and she wails out all of the years kept flinching from the abhorrent tone in your voice and mewling down on the ground out of her system, leaving you to whimper as she wails her impetuous yet venturesome thoughts out, growling you to duck behind your face, fear and guilt forming in the pits of your stomach. Not one conclusion is left unsaid, and not one suggestion and avail is left cooped up in her brain. Every single retreat she'd always longed to respond is now out in the open for you to hear. Nothing is left implied as she finally walks out on the dismal of what you may call an existence, starting a new life as the last one of her blubbering's are fallen, and the final of her words are spoken. Her sigh breathlessly leaves as a deep involuntarily moan fleets out of her mouth, breathing in the new sight of the free air she'd never been allowed to see, only dreamt of the exemption of exerting from the trap she'd ruthlessly been obliged upon. Releasing herself from the punishment of concealment demoniacally lavished onto her, the once little pathetic and worthless girl bawling her eyes out to sleep is no more as the new confident and obstinate self embraces the atmosphere around her, spreading her power among the distance as she walks away from the cruel life extemporaneous for her. A genuine smile, one not embellished upon her lips for quite a while adorned to her mouth, completing the gratified glint in the sparkles of her eyes.  The throes and torture are no more, and the distressful past once drearily presented is once again, blissfully no more.

She is a mystery,
A mystery that no one has been able to solve.

There is no telling what happens when her eyes distant itself from the world, looking and longing for something deep within her thoughts.

When her deadly silence creeps over her, leaving everyone far away from her wrath.

When she finds herself alone, blocking and pushing anyone trying to get in.

When she bottles up her emotions, leading everyone to think of something far away from what is genuinely happening.

When she strides past those who oppose her way, acting with no care in the world.

When she abruptly smiles that brightening smile of hers, and laughs that fascinating laugh, causing everyone to wonder what's going on behind her display.

When her style doesn't suite anyones, unique and different from the rest.

When she is understanding of anyones situation, curiosity spiking in everyone as to how she apprehends.

And when silence and stares occur every room she shows up in.

Everyone looks to her, baffled about this young creature.

Everyone asks her, yet no reply is answered.

She gives out the littlest emotions and information, yet only that tiny grain of salt intrigues and bewilders everyone.  

Everyone knows of her, they just do not know who she really is.

And as I said before...

She is a mystery,
A mystery that no one has been able to solve.

People don't define you
You define yourself
Many people mistaken this
By defining others by words.
They shoot torpedoes at you
It's one continuous war
That will never end
But there are some people
That balance out the lies
They only define themselves
And let others do the same
They walk away from trouble
Hoping for others to come
Some people join them
And others stay for the fight
They lost the war completely
And they still think they can define you.