Will it always be thus?
Grief pain stabs, unguts,
turns and turns;
all ifs and buts.

I sleep in the hope
to see you; have to be
drugged to sleep
and I can't remember,
my son, if I have seen
you or caressed or not;
enough to make my soul rot.

Dawn does not excite;
evening stretches before me
with its orange tang
and mellow
sickening glow.  

What was it like
those final hours
of wakefulness?
Should have been there,
if I’d known, I’d have stayed.

Human mistake
I’m afraid,
at least on my part,
wounded soul,
broken heart.

Your Stoic soul
sails on,
no doubt;
you'd have made
old Seneca proud;
me, too,
the way you coped
with all and more.

You are out
on that eternal sea,
my son,
I’m here
stuck
on this
lonesome shore.

turn me off(in your body there is a switch
which
ignites the pale frame of flowers


                                     To bloom,

ashes from spliffs,
smoked at night to
make me water spilling
off a cliff,
waft in the breeze
that is me.
crumpled papers crunch
underneath bare feet,
deceased trees smothered
in new meanings.
empty six packs stack,
cardboard towers guarding
against attack,
old bags, newspaper ads,
a half-full coffee cup
stands tall by the entry,
waiting for commands,
sacrificed to dispel sleep,
towels lay thrown in corners
with acted malice
an attempt to practice
being callus.
this in no apartment
it is a
trash palace.

Your youngest sister
wears your blue
and white coat now,
my son; it brings her
some comfort
since your
sudden death.

She zips it up close,
to keep her warm,
thinking you
are still there inside,
to keep her safe.

I remember
you wearing
that white
and blue coat,
on your way
to work or back,
or out for the day
in all climes.

They were
the good days,
good times.

You use to zip it up
close to your chin
to keep the cold out,
the warmth in;
hands in the pockets,
elbows back,
like some large bird
about to take off
on a long flight.

You have taken off now;
set your soul's keel
to the open sea
of eternity.

I sometimes dream
of you at night,
see you as you were
before the stain
of death approached;
your smile spreading,
your blue eyes bright.