No, you don't understand.
You were not the one
who crawled out of bed
in the middle of the night.
You were not the one
opening the bottle of pills
and cursing when three fell to the floor.
You were not the one
with the repetition of
"Just do it!" playing in your head.
You were not the one
holding the cold glass
of water in your shaking hand.
You were not the one
putting five, six, seven pills
past your trembling lips.
You were not the one
who climbed back into bed,
waiting impatiently for death.
You were not the one
who unfortunately woke the next afternoon
with a dry mouth and aching body.
No, you don't understand.