The coming day
offers so much fear
so much insecurity
I wish I could wear a mask
pull my hair in front of my face
wish no one would talk to me
above all
oh above all
don't look at me
I hate having people look at me
their eyes burning into me
searing my skin
don't look at my blotchy face
don't roll over my doughy fat
don't linger on my frizzy hair
don't you notice how big my thighs are
when I sit still
trying to be unnoticed
just don't look at me
the coming day
offers so much fear
too much fear
and I can't handle the terror
of being noticed
being looked at
it makes me sick
and shameful
and terrified
please
god
please
avert your eyes-
pretend I'm not there
it burns when you look at me
it sets me aflame
and I feel nothing
but the searing heat

**and it kills me