Sometimes it hurts so much not to cry when you have to hold it inside you and it hurts so much to be in a crowed room and you have to hold it in because if she sees you crying she'll know it's because she stomped on your chest and caused your heart to deflate like a lazy balloon and in that moment you feel so alone and empty and so you start to cry. And everyone consoles you and pats you on the back and tells you it'll be okay but this isn't what you wanted it wasn't supposed to happen like this "no no no leave me alone just stop I'm fine I have allergies jesus." And crying doesn't fit your aesthetic, emotion doesn't fit your aesthetic, love doesn't fit your aesthetic. So you get your **** together. You go to the bathroom and you wash your face and you get your **** together and you fix your makeup because runny mascara does not fit your aesthetic and neither does heartbreak.
I wrote this in the bathroom of a school dance I went to last year after my crush rejected me.