It seems that no matter what I do, I always come back to this.
Like an oncoming freight train this sadness and anxiety hit me with so much force it's like I can barely breathe. Bang! Crash! Boom! All at once! Pill after Pill after Pill, never missing a dose and yet, somehow it all comes rushing back. Making me want to sleep through days again, spend days not eating again, not talking to anyone, becoming like a wall again. I don't want to. I do. I don't. This constant struggle between my sanity and insanity. I can't get bad again, I need to keep fighting, but how sweet it would feel to just stop. I'm so tired. StOp reason kicks in again, I wasn't happy depressed, I was depressed for ***** sake. I need to keep fighting this. I will keep fighting this.  I need to keep fighting this. I need to.