you had a little over a decades worth of experience over me, and you always knew what to say

not in comforting way,
but in a scripted way.

all your lovers are told the same sweet things at some point or another, it's all a play.

it's funny how I used the word play,
since that's precisely what you did to me.

you took advantage of how young I was in comparison to you (how dare you) and manipulated me in ways I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy.

when you left me
I swore to myself
I would never love someone
the way
I loved you.

and that was true,
because I learned to love people
in healthier ways
and not become dependent on them
for my own happiness and sanity.

I thought I couldn't live without you when in fact I started living when you left me.

you were my first love, but now that I'm older
I don't think it was love, really

I was just a sad, tired-eyed 13 year old girl
who wanted what she shouldn't and couldn't have

and although I'm still sad, and still have the sleepiest irises to ever exist on the face of this earth,

I'm older and realize how being with you forever was irrational in the first place.