Honey, I love you, really I do
just like a hog loves slop
your big stick-out ear I chew
what the heck is this glop?

I kiss your chops, pucker up
hold me tight in the pen
mud pies are the runners' cup
if we win, we'll run again.

Dear, I nestle near your nuzzle
smooch me all over my face
take me apart just like a puzzle
I've lost my dignity and grace.

But first we have a race to win
slather soil, don't dare foil
beat the pork out of your twin
let's make it worth the toil.

I can always tell you two apart
you say you wonder how?
I can look at your counterpart's
moon when he take a bow.

Yours is handsome, his only cute
Hammy, you are my choice
let's cuddle in our birthday suits
tell 'im to drink with the boys,

so we can be alone, you and I
take a bath in tub of mud pies.